“How did…” He drifted off, his Adam’s apple bobbing against my nose.
“Leviathan,” I said. “I think he wanted his wings back. He tried… it didn’t work.”
“I can’t believe you have wings.” The wonder in his voice was tragic.
I shook my head. “I don’t have them anymore. They’re gone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Okay? It just—it’s how things are. It happened, and we can’t change it. It is what it is,” I said.
“Still. I’m sorry they took so much from you. I’m sorry I’ll never see your wings.”
Wrinkling my nose, I ran my fingers through his sparse chest hair. “They weren’t pretty, not like yours. They were sick, infected. They were all wrong.”
“Everything about you is beautiful,” he said. “I think your wings would have been beautiful too.”
“Maybe.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Don’t tell Noel.”
“Riley—”
“Please, don’t tell him. It will just hurt him,” I said.
“You think he won’t find out? He’ll see eventually.”
“Jai, please.” I looked up at him pleadingly.
He grimaced but nodded. “It’s not my story; it’s yours. But you can trust him with this. He’s stronger than you think. He can handle this.”
“I know. I’ll tell him. Just…”
“Gid knows?”
I ducked my head. “He felt my scars in our dreamwalk. Then he saw them in the hospital. Accidentally.”
“Yeah. We knew you had scars, but I didn’t know from what. I thought it was like Noel. That they’d… tortured you.”
No, no, no. I didn’t want to talk about this. I couldn’t. Not yet.
“They did,” I said quietly. “It just didn’t leave marks. Until…”
I drifted off, and Jai allowed it. We lay wrapped around each other in silence for a long time.
Eventually, I asked, “So we’re Committed, right?”
“Yeah. We always were. Ever since the night you—yeah. It’s just better now. We did it right this time.” He buried his nose in my hair and inhaled, smelling me.
“You’re so weird,” I said, even though I was smiling like a lunatic.
“Well, you’re Committed to this weirdo now.”
Worrying my lip, I circled his dusky nipple, and it hardened to a peak. “Is this what you wanted? I feel like I forced this on you. That night, I didn’t realize—and now, it’s too late.”
“Hey, look at me.” With a tug on my curls, he forced me to look up at him. His face was serious, his eyes wild. “I chose you a long time ago, Riles. I will always choose you. You have me—mind, body, and heart. This is yours.” He directed my hand over his heart. “I think this has been yours for longer than either of us ever realized.”
My eyes watered, but the tears didn’t fall. “I wanted to come home the second I left. Being away from you was agony. I didn’t think love would hurt like this, but I’ll hurt like this forever if it means I have you.”
“You have me. Until I sail and after.”
“Promise?”
He kissed me sweetly, tongue teasing my bottom lip, just once. “I promise.”
Exhausted from our activities, I fell asleep against Jai’s chest. I woke sometime in the night to Jai pushing into me again. Half on my stomach, half on my side, I couldn’t move very well, but maybe that was the point. Jai hitched up my leg with one hand while the other arm snaked under me, around my chest. His hand clamped around my throat. I could do nothing but hold onto his arm for dear life as he trapped me against him and rocked into me.
It was slower this time, torturous. Every time I neared the edge, Jai stopped, and I whined at the denial. It wasn’t until I was incoherent and desperate that he finally let me come. His fingers tightened until I could barely breathe, but then I was lost in a sea of stars as pleasure roared through me like a tsunami. I gulped in oxygen as Jai emptied himself inside me.
“You’re such a jerk,” I slurred as he pulled out of me, chuckling under his breath.
“If you stay awake, I’ll let you fuck me.”
In my delirious state, I couldn’t comprehend his offer. I grunted as he slipped from my bed. I was dimly aware of a warm cloth running over my stomach. I was asleep before he had a chance to clean his release from between my legs.
When I woke the next morning, I was still exhausted. My body was heavy but languid. My joints felt rattled loose, and the muscles in my lower back were stiff. But it didn’t hurt.
The shower in my ensuite cut off as I blinked through the bright, Utopian sunlight streaming through my window blinds. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Scooching to the edge of the bed, I dragged the blanket with me, securing it around my shoulders. The sheets were stained, and I blushed at the reminder of why.
Wrapped in my blanket, I shuffled across the room and peered through the bathroom door hanging ajar. Jai stood at the sink, towel around his waist. He was trimming his beard, and I shivered at the memory of his facial hair biting into the tender skin of my neck.
As I opened the door wider, he looked at me in the mirror and smiled. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I said.
“Sleep okay?” he asked, a dangerous glint in his eye.
“Probably would have slept better if someone hadn’t woken me in the middle of the night.” I tried to look stern, but it fell short.
Jai grinned fiendishly. “Didn’t hear you complaining.”
Blushing hotly, I ducked my head and hid my face in the blanket. “Cocky.”
Laughing loudly, he returned his attention to his own reflection. With as much confidence as I could muster, I dropped the blanket to the floor and approached. His dark eyes tracked me, the flames igniting behind his irises as he devoured my nudity. I smiled.
“Better pay attention to what you’re doing,” I said, nodding at the small scissors in his hand. “Don’t want to cut yourself.”
“Keep up the attitude, and I’ll put you over my knee,” he warned, and I shrugged.
“Promises, promises.”
“Sass.”
“You like my sass,” I said with surety.
“I like spanking the sass out of you even more,” he growled, and the warmth in my cheeks burned hotter.
“Well, I have a lot of sass built up. Sure you can handle me?” My hand trailed over his spine, and I felt the roll of his wings beneath his flesh.
He inhaled slowly, releasing the breath through his nose, as if he was fighting for control. “I think I proved last night I can handle you just fine.”
Oh, this was dangerous ground. I wasn’t good at dirty talk or flirting. But the way he looked at me like he was burning for me boosted my courage.
“You might have to remind me,” I said on a shaky exhale. “Just to make sure I don’t forget.”
“Oh, Riles, I’ll make sure you don’t forget,” he promised darkly, and I smiled into his shoulder blade.
My fingers traced over his tattoo, and I was momentarily distracted from our naughty conversation. The tree looked different. It had changed quite a bit since the first time I saw it a year and a half ago. The trunk twisted tightly, thorny vines digging deep into the bark. Blossoms budded on one side, but they hadn’t opened. On the other side, the blackbirds perched on the naked branches and spread their wings, cawing a song I couldn’t hear.