“I’m an outsider to them.”
“Their feelings don’t matter. I’m the VP, and my family gets treated a certain way.”
Roughly rubbing my eyes to keep them from crying, I remind myself that twenty-one is far too old to turn crybaby. “Thanks for saying that to her.”
Lowell makes everything more awkward by stepping closer and wrapping his arms around me. I lean into his embrace, even while pulling back from the edge of tears. Crying never fixes anything. I won’t do it tonight.
“I’m sorry I seemed put out when I learned about you,” he says, still seeming more nervous than necessary.
Nodding, I step back and focus my gaze on his chest rather than his face. “I should have told you differently. I messed up, but I don’t want to take the blame. It feels better when other people are the fuckups.”
Lowell chuckles. “I’m always willing to take the blame. Just ask Bronco.”
Though I try to smile, his behavior has turned my heart mushy. I feel the heat return to my eyes until I’m certain I’ll cry.
“Did someone make you act like this?” I ask, afraid to trust his behavior today.
“Few people can make me do anything.”
Thinking back to the stories my mom told me, I babble, “Needy said you would beat up men with your giant fists.”
We look at his hands. “They’re not giant.”
“Compared to Anders’s hands, no,” I say, getting myself under control. “But they’re big.”
Lowell gives me a weird look, and I step back. “She wasn’t obsessed with you or anything. She just wanted me to know about my dad, so I wouldn’t feel as if I was missing out.”
“But you still felt that way.”
“Doesn’t everyone want what they can’t have?”
Lowell shrugs his wide shoulders. “I wanted a normal family when I was growing up. That wasn’t in the cards, so don’t expect any aunts, uncles, or cousins from my side. I cut them loose as soon as I could.”
“Sometimes, walking away is the only solution,” I say, thinking of my aunt back in Minton. After Zella died, Immee kept telling me how everything would be okay. Then, Mom went away, and she said the same thing. When Clive ordered me to marry a stranger, I already knew what Immee would say. I’m unsure if she’s capable of admitting how things aren’t okay.
“Conor told me about your uncle,” Lowell says when I remain silent. “Was he abusive toward you?”
“Like sex stuff?”
Lowell frowns. “Any abuse.”
“Clive and his family are rough people. He would smack me in the back of the head, but he does that to everyone. I saw him slap the mayor once. I don’t know if that’s abuse as much as he’s just an asshole.”
“He can’t get to you here.”
“If he finds me, he’ll make threats.”
“If he comes to Elko, he better be ready to do more than threaten. We can’t hold our territory if we’re scared of words.”
“He’ll bring men.”
“Good for him. We have agreements with different people. If we go down, they’ll saddle up and get revenge. We’d do the same for them.”
Seeing my father stand so powerful while assuring me that I’m safe fills my heart with the kind of kidlike glee I shouldn’t be capable of anymore. “I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to tell you the truth when I first got here.”
“I’m an intimidating guy,” he says, shrugging more like a dad than a scary biker. “I’m not good at confrontation sometimes. Mostly with feelings.”
“But you handle the bunnies.”
“Only because Bronco can’t, and his sisters are tyrants. Once I saw a chance to ditch that responsibility on Jena, I made my move.”
Without thinking, I blurt out, “I think Jena was scared to end up alone once she wasn’t hot anymore.”
“She’s still hot.”
“Then, why did no one want to bang her?”
“Because she got weird after Bronco hooked up with Lana. She seemed sad all the time, and bunnies aren’t allowed to have feelings.”
I share his smile. “Well, Bronco is hot, so I can see why she’d nurse a crush. But you can’t force things. I thought that’s what Conor was doing with me. Like he was bored and needed something to focus on that no one else had. But his feelings are real.”
“How do you know?”
“He babbles when he’s stoned, barfing out his true feelings. Then, he forgets what he said. It’s a pretty solid lie detector,” I say and then cover my mouth. “Wait, did I just rat him out to his boss?”
“Conor is a member of my family. That’s how it works in the club. You probably didn’t get that vibe during the party, but people aren’t usually such assholes.”
“Uh-huh,” I mutter, not really buying that the old ladies would be my besties under different circumstances. Not when I’m a constant reminder of how their men stick their dicks in those hot chicks that show up to parties.
“Why do you have bunnies at all?” I ask, feeling overly honest.
“This system is safer than having guys partying with random women. You know how the bunnies are always around. They hear info, and random hookups could be spies or cops. That’s why Jena didn’t let you do anything important initially, just to test you out. Plus, the bunnies don’t date outside the club. Less chance of a gonorrhea outbreak with the bunnies than a townie party girl.”
“You live a very insular life, community-wise. Like you’re all friends, and you live in this one neighborhood. The bunnies live next door. You don’t let outsiders close. For your lifestyle, the bunny setup makes sense,” I say and glance at Conor inside the house. “If we stay together, I would rather him bang a bunny than a girl he meets in town. And I won’t scare her off if she gets knocked up. I’ll act overly nice to her just to irritate all the other old ladies. Best to keep things spicy around here.”
Lowell rolls his eyes. “Well, fuck with the other old ladies if you want. And fight with the other kids if you need to. But maybe don’t use that headbutt move so much.”
Lowell and I share comfortable laughter until we notice Conor inside fake-fighting with my brother.
“Dunning has the hots for Summer,” I say for no reason. “That’s what I heard, anyway.”
“Oh, and Dove. That’s Pixie’s younger sister. Summer doesn’t date, and Dove might like girls. One day, Dunning will need to get stupid over girls outside of the Woodlands.”
“Why can’t he sleep with the bunnies?”
“What makes you think he doesn’t already?”
Cocking an eyebrow, I ask, “Are you under the impression the bunnies don’t spend half the day gossiping?”
“Fair enough. Topanga said he can’t. She’s convinced if his first time is with a bunny, he’ll marry one.”
“She’s uppity,” I say, and Lowell snorts. “I like her and all, but the bunnies were really sweet to me. You know how catty women can be. Amity, especially, treated me like family.”
“I still wish you wouldn’t live at the Overlook,” he says and sighs. “But Conor is talking about building his house. Then, you’ll live there.”