Audrey carefully lifted her hand and felt along the table for the wine glass, scared that she might bump it and knock it over. When she felt the base, her fingers gingerly moved up the stem and she lifted it to her mouth. She tipped the glass up and allowed herself a generous drink. Now more than ever she needed to take the edge off. As she set it back down, she licked her lips, tasting the sweet tang of the wine.
“So, you said that you’ve never been on a—”
Again, Josh was interrupted by the sound of the curtain being pulled back. Within seconds she heard the clank of a plate being set down. “Okay we have your spinach salads with poppyseed dressing. Would either of you like crushed pepper sprinkled on top?”
“No, thank you,” Audrey replied as she felt for her fork, to make sure she knew where it was before Kenna left. She did.
“Sure,” Josh responded.
Audrey heard the gears of the pepper grinder as Kenna twisted it several times. When she finished, she said, “Remember, just ring the bell if you need anything. Enjoy.”
Audrey waited until she heard the rustling of the makeshift door before she lifted her hand to try and find her glass once again. It was easier the second time, her hand went right to it. Then she picked up her fork and took her first bite. Once she had her bearings, eating wasn’t actually that difficult.
After a few moments of eating and drinking in silence, Josh asked, “You weren’t serious about the date thing, right?”
She finished chewing her bite and swallowed before answering. “No. I mean, yes. Yes, I was serious and no, I’ve never been on a date.”
“What about in high school? I thought you had a boyfriend.”
“I did. We went to the movies and to play mini-golf but it was always with big groups of friends. We never went anywhere just the two of us.” He always wanted to be with people, never alone with her, which made a lot more sense in hindsight.
“What about when Viv signed you up on Bumble?”
“I chatted with a few guys, but never met anyone.”
A couple of years ago, Viv had decided to take Audrey’s personal life, or lack thereof, into her own hands and had created profiles on several different apps. Josh was in the coffee shop when Audrey found out about her sister’s plan because she started receiving messages from matches.
At first, she’d been mortified when he’d discovered what her sister had done. She didn’t want him to think she was so pathetic she needed people to make fake accounts for her. But then she’d sort of liked how protective he’d been about her.
He’d told her not to meet anyone without telling him or Vivien where she was going. He said that she should try and google the guys’ names just to make sure that they were who they said they were. He also told her that she should only meet them in public places in the daytime. He specified that they should be places that she was familiar with and he even offered to go with her and be close just in case things got sketchy.
She’d thought about setting up a date, just so she could have him go along, but then decided that wasn’t fair to whatever guy she was meeting. Just because her personal life was a mess didn’t mean she needed to drag unsuspecting people into it.
“What about college?” Josh asked, apparently not able to let the subject drop.
“I didn’t date anyone,” she answered honestly.
Josh and Audrey had been friends for eight years. Well, longer if you counted the summers that Audrey used to spend in Hope Falls. Of course, they weren’t really friends then, although she had a huge crush on him. Josh being four years older than her when she was four to ten was a much bigger age difference than it was when she’d moved here in her twenties.
But in all the time they spent together, they never talked about relationships or who they were dating. Audrey knew that over the years he’d seen a few women, none of whom lived in town. Pricilla lived in Crescent River, which was a few towns over. Sabrina lived in Lake Tahoe. And Jenny was from Sacramento.
She only knew about the women because it was Hope Falls, and everyone knew everyone’s business. Also, Viv seemed to make it her mission in life to know who Josh was seeing and give Audrey play by plays. She knew her sister was trying to make her jealous. She wasn’t subtle about the fact. Especially when Viv said that she was trying to, “light a fire under her.”
And it worked. Sort of. She was jealous of the women Josh spent time with in some ways. But not in others. He might be having sex with Pricilla, Sabrina, and Jenny, but did they have Sunday movie nights together? Did they do quick draw, rock-paper-scissors, or staring contests to determine who would get the last baked good? Had they been in a bowling league together? Did he bring them leftovers of Nonna’s cooking?
She doubted it. Even though she and Josh weren’t romantically involved, she did feel like they had a special relationship. Which was part of the reason she’d never been honest about how she felt. She never wanted to ruin that relationship.
“I can’t believe you’ve never been out on a date.” Josh said, clearly not being able to wrap his head around her lack of experience.
“Yeah, and I’ve never had sex either.” Audrey froze. She wasn’t sure why she’d just made that confession.
Was it the dark that gave her the courage?
Was it because she was sick and tired of her status, and she knew that if she didn’t do something drastic it would never change?
Or was it because she just wanted him to know?
She wasn’t sure what had prompted her to say what she had, but she’d done it. The cat was out of the bag. The milk was spilled. There was no going back. Josh knew she was a virgin. And she really hoped that he’d volunteer to do something about it.
Josh’s fork slipped from his hand and there was a loud clank as it landed on his plate. Thankfully, he was able to retrieve it and it didn’t fall on the floor. When he once again had a firm hold on his utensil, he heard himself ask in a hoarse whisper. “What?”
Audrey cleared her throat, and he heard her chair move as if she was sitting up straighter in it.
He expected the next words out of her mouth to be telling him that she’d been kidding. That it had been a joke. It was so strange not to be able to look in her eyes and see if she was serious. Or if she’d been kidding. She had to have been kidding, right?
“I’ve never had sex. I’m a virgin.”
Okay, maybe not.
Wait. She was thirty-two.
There weren’t thirty-two-year-old virgins, were there?
Apparently, there were. Josh’s mind was officially blown. He honestly could not believe what he was hearing. He thought it was unbelievable that she’d never been on a date, but now this…
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He tried to think of what the appropriate response to hearing that information would be, but he was at a total loss.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Talk about TMI,” she laughed, but it was a forced laugh. He could tell that she felt uncomfortable with what she’d just revealed. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable with him ever.
“No don’t apologize. You can tell me anything I was just…I don’t…” He felt like such an asshole but he didn’t know the right words to say. He was in shock. Maybe he shouldn’t be. Maybe that information shouldn’t surprise him. But it did.