They were, and always had been, her protectors against the things that were out there raging in the world, and it had given her space to be her.
Alaina never accepted defeat. Elsie had watched her friend find ways to forge new paths and land on her feet time and time again.
Whether it was trying to emerge with dignity when being dragged soggy from a pond, or smiling through her dad’s inability to remember her birthday while listing all the good people in her life and all the reasons she didn’t need him, Alaina was a force.
What Elsie feared was what might happen if she broke something in that force, if she was part of the string of people to disappoint Alaina.
In the end, she didn’t tell her anything. And she didn’t feel as guilty as she probably should have. That she felt, well, Hunter was hers. Whatever was going on between her and Hunter was also hers. She loved Alaina. She did. And she had to remember that, and not allow herself to be small and mean.
She was basically living for Vancouver. And she couldn’t recall a time when she hadn’t simply been anticipating the next sunrise. This was...different.
And it was...good.
Maybe this was it. Maybe this was part of growing up. Maybe something like this just couldn’t be shared with a friend—or anyone—at a certain point.
Alaina had always been so important to her, and that wasn’t going to change. Not ever. But what was happening between her and Hunter was just... It was different. It was different, and it was theirs. And it was too precious to be shared.
It was one thing to joke about sex without having any experience of it. But she had tasted it now. In the way that he had made her body feel, the things that he’d done to her, it wasn’t something she could joke about. It wasn’t something she could share. She couldn’t really explain, it was just true.
“Well, if you learn anything interesting in Vancouver, let me know,” Alaina said.
Everything inside of her turned to stone.
“Yeah,” she said. “I will.”
But she wouldn’t. Because there were certain things that just had to stay hers. That was how it was.
But everything would be fine. Because after this... After this, she would know.
She would’ve learned.
She didn’t know exactly what she expected, only that...it was just something she had. With Hunter.
Something they needed trying.
He had said it wasn’t about teaching her, it was about wanting her.
That was something that she needed more than she had realized. Something she needed more than she would’ve ever expected. She hadn’t thought that she was desperate for validation or some kind of boost to her self-esteem, but she had to admit she didn’t mind it.
Not at all.
It was such a strange thing because she’d felt in pursuit of Travis. But Hunter was standing there, not running. Hunter was moving toward her, all intense and certain and adding that to the equation was something she wouldn’t have been able to imagine.
It made her feel more and less confident all at once.
In the end, it would all be okay. Because there were so many things in her life that just weren’t okay, and she had to live with them. So this would be fine. It would be, because it was Hunter.
Hunter was one of those people who was there for her. He had been. He continued to be. And he always would be. No matter what. And that meant that she had nothing at all to worry about. Just a change in her life. But it would sort itself.
She had faith in that.
* * *
HUNTER HAD EVERY intention of taking Elsie back to that motel because it was very near to the ranch that they were headed to. But when he went to make the reservation, he found that it felt wrong. He couldn’t do it. She deserved something better. She deserved something special. And that was how he decided to book the nicest room at a hotel downtown and, you know, it felt a little bit weird to be engaging in this in a premeditated fashion when he had just been talking to her brothers the day before, and would undoubtedly see them later today. But she deserved something premeditated. She deserved something with effort. Because one thing he couldn’t quite get over was the way everybody talked about her. And he was part of it. He had been. Like she was a termagant and a problem, and one that everybody loved quite a bit, but like she was...a mascot or a kid or something. And not a woman, never a woman.
He just didn’t see her the way they all did. Not anymore. She was a woman to him. And a woman deserved to have time put into her, especially a woman’s first time.
A bolt of desire went through him. Maybe he should feel bad about it. About all of it. But he couldn’t bring himself to.
No. He shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
Because Elsie deserved to be wanted.
Not wanted because she was a woman, and she was beautiful. Because the man wanted sex and she was there.
No, Elsie deserved to be wanted for everything that she was.
He wanted her.
Travis didn’t want her. He wanted a woman.
Hunter wanted this woman.
He wouldn’t appreciate the gift that her first time was. Because it was.
He wondered if she ever stayed in a place as fancy as that one. He hadn’t. He never had a reason to. This wasn’t the kind of thing he usually did. This...wooing, he supposed.
But he wanted to do it for her. Somebody ought to. Deserved it.
And as for him, he didn’t really know what he deserved. He had never spent any amount of time pondering that. Because it had never really mattered. Nothing in life had ever really come down to what he deserved.
He’d taken beatings that were just the result of his dad having a bad day.
And in the end, it hadn’t mattered if he deserved it or not.
His father had lost his ranch. But he hadn’t gotten even half of what he deserved. He deserved to have Gus kill him. He deserved to rot in prison. Bottom line.
His mother hadn’t deserved to be hit for most of her life. She had fallen in love, that had been the extent of her crimes. She hadn’t deserved to be trapped with a man who treated the people in his life worse than pack mules. Beasts of burden for him to unload his anger on.
No. None of them had deserved any of that. So maybe he didn’t deserve Elsie. He didn’t deserve her innocence, he didn’t deserve her desire.
But he wanted it.
And he’d spent so much of his life taking hits he didn’t want. Didn’t deserve.
Wanting seemed enough right now.
“So,” came a voice from behind him, “are we going to talk about the other night?”