She leaned against the back wall of the elevator, and her throat went tight, and she wondered why in the hell she was on the verge of tears in front of Hunter. When everything was going the way that she wanted it to. When she was actually quite happy with the state of things.
“Elsie,” he said, crossing the space and putting his hand on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“This is what I wanted. I wanted somebody to want me.”
“It’s not enough for me to want you. You have to want me too.”
“I do,” she said.
“Then what’s the matter?”
“I don’t believe it. And you keep telling me, but I still don’t believe it. Because...”
“Because life is a bag of shit.”
She laughed, resting her head against the back of the elevator wall. “Yeah,” she said. “It is.”
“That’s all this is,” he said, taking her hand. “Me wanting to give you something that isn’t terrible. I’m sorry if I’m messing it up.”
“You won’t,” she said. “It’s just you wanting to give me something so much, and I... I have such a hard time believing it, because Sawyer and Wolf have always been so good to me. But...”
“It’s different.”
“Yes,” she said. “It’s different. And I think that this is amazing, and I think that you’re amazing.”
“Well, reserve your opinion until you see the room.”
“The actual room? Or are you talking about...” She looked down at the front of his jeans meaningfully, and immediately embarrassed herself. And she wondered where the more confident version of Elsie had gone, who would’ve just said the word penis in front of him and not given it a second thought. Okay, maybe a second thought, but she was giving it about fifty thoughts right now, and she just hardly recognized herself in the moment.
“Elsie,” he said. “You are something else.”
He checked the numbers on the wall, then they walked down the hall, and he flashed his phone in front of a gold doorknob that made an unlocking sound when he waved the device in front of it.
He opened the door, and her heart expanded. It was a huge room. With a couch, a desk and a view of the city below.
And a bed. A giant bed.
“There’s a big tub too...”
And then suddenly, she just couldn’t wait anymore. She really couldn’t. She turned on her heel and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her mouth to his.
And he slammed the door shut behind them, holding her hard against him, moving his hands up and down her back.
“Do we have any reason to wait?”
“Not a single one,” he said.
And he stripped her tank top off and threw it down onto the plush rug of the glorious, beautifully appointed hotel, and she took his T-shirt off and did the same.
And she remembered the barriers that had stood between them when they were in that ratty motel only a couple of weeks ago.
Weeks? It felt like an entire lifetime.
And she could scarcely remember when Hunter hadn’t been this to her. This man that she desired so much, who made her feel feelings that were too big for her chest, who made her want things that she didn’t have words for. Hunter.
“I’m sorry that I’m so annoying,” she said, kissing him.
“You’re not annoying,” he said, reaching around and unhooking her bra, throwing it onto the floor. “Sweet Lord,” he breathed.
“Well, neither are you,” she said.
They kicked off their shoes, and worked off each other’s clothes, and before she knew it, they were both naked. Completely naked, in front of each other for the first time.
She had never seen a naked man. Not a fully aroused one.
And he was, well, he was a whole lot more than she bargained for. Not that she’d had any idea what to bargain for. She had no real idea of anything. And that was the thing that had been driven home so firmly over the course of this whole situation. She just didn’t know anything. She had thought she was brave, and she had thought that she could go boldly out there and make for herself a little physical relationship that would give her something that would touch her skin and nothing more.
But she had been naive. She had been silly.
But she wasn’t going to think about it now. Not when her heart was pounding so hard, not when desire was a thunderous pulse between her thighs. Not when Hunter’s hands were on her body, not when his whole body was exposed to her, proud and thick and hard for her.
“You’re beautiful,” she said, reaching her hand out and wrapping it around his arousal. She squeezed him, moving her hand up and down his length, and his breath hissed through his teeth, his head falling back. And Hunter, desperate for her, was the most erotic thing she had ever seen.
Because he had made her desperate. She knew what that was like. She understood why women lost their minds over him. She really did.
But this was something else. This was more. He wanted her.
And that was the aspect of this that... Over and over again, it was catching her off guard. Over and over again it was filling her with joy. And over and over again it was bringing about this sense of deep grief that she could scarcely make sense of.
It made no sense at all. This should all be good. All happy. All perfect. All lovely.
And yet it felt like something else altogether. It felt like dying.
“Elsie,” he whispered against her mouth, and she ignited.
She was the one that was important to him right now. He was putting his relationship with her brothers in jeopardy for this. And that was a whole new revelation. He wanted her more than he wanted to keep the peace with Wolf and Sawyer. And sure, none of them were announcing what was going on here, but it was a risk. And he was taking it. For her.
And she could think of nothing more wonderful. Nothing more incredible than that.
He was holding her, and it was terrifying as much as it was exhilarating. And it reminded her. It reminded her of how he told her the truth, even though it was hard.
That mothers didn’t come back. That people left and stayed gone.
Yes, it was hard.
Yes, it was horrible.
But it was true, and he had been the one to tell her. But not without giving her comfort. Not without holding her. Like he was doing now.
He was showing her the world. How it was. The way things were between a man and woman, and it was terrifying, because it wasn’t the fun romp that she’d imagined. She felt like her chest was going to split right open. She felt like a woman being torn in two.