He felt compelled to find out, and did feel that it might be the better part of valor to leave that stone unturned. After all, he was leaving again. He had made arrangements for his ranch to be fully cared for without him being present, but he would be going back at the end of the thirty days.
To give Daniel his credit, he seemed to be having the time of his life. And the King brothers had made it their mission to give him a taste of just about every task the ranch offered.
And, at nights, Micah often went down to the swing to see if Arizona was there...
He wasn’t perfect. There were things he thought might be best...and things he felt compelled toward. They were not always the same.
He was down there tonight. It was warm out, a beautiful summer evening. The moon was full, reflecting on the water.
And then he saw her, down at the lakeshore, her arms wrapped around herself. Even from far away he could tell how she was holding herself. Because even with all the years between then and now, he knew the shape of her.
The shape of her moods.
So much more often angry and combative now than she’d been before. Except with Daniel. She was great with him.
He made sure that his footsteps were loud as he approached. So even though she didn’t turn, he had a fair idea that she knew he was there.
“Haven’t seen you for a couple of days,” she said.
“I’ve seen you. Even if it was just across the field.”
She did turn then. “Maybe I did see you.”
Yeah. He had figured as much. That they were in proximity to one another, they saw each other clearly enough.
“I’ve been thinking,” she continued. “I want to finish what we didn’t before.”
“And what is that?”
“We never slept together. And I think we ought to. We both wanted to. But for reasons... It didn’t happen. So here we are, circling each other again when we’re both grown adults who know this time you’re leaving. It doesn’t change what we want. So why be coy about it?”
There was an element of boldness that was intrinsic enough to her character that he didn’t question it. But there was something about this type of boldness particularly that had a false note ringing beneath it.
He couldn’t quite make out what it was. Something soft and uncertain beneath all that bravado.
“It was hell, you know,” he said. “Leaving here.”
He didn’t know how to tear down her walls, but he knew how to tear down his own. Having a child did that for you. And while he didn’t always do things right with Daniel, Daniel had made him change. Deeply.
Because in order to parent a child in a difficult situation, a child who had one parent that couldn’t grow up, no matter what, it seemed, you had to do a hell of a lot of your own work to make sure that kid wasn’t a huge mess.
And all right, Daniel coming out here without telling anybody suggested that he might be more of a mess than Micah wanted to admit, but for the most part, he tried. So if he needed to be the one to tear himself down here too? He was willing to do it.
“I had to do it,” he said. “Lacey called, she was eight months pregnant, and finally telling me about it. I asked her to get a paternity test. She did. By the time I got home, she had the ball rolling on that, and I provided DNA. Couldn’t deny that the kid was mine. And I knew that I needed to make changes. I didn’t think that she and I could make a marriage work. But I did wonder if we could make a family. So I thought we might as well go ahead and try and see what happened. I didn’t think of it as marriage till death do us part. I thought of it as giving our family a fighting chance, because I knew that I would never be my dad. The man who donated genetic material and never showed up. I knew I couldn’t be that. I also knew that I couldn’t be the same person that I was when I left Texas.”
He let that settle over him, in his bones. The truth of it. Before he continued. “My time here... It changed me. Mellowed me out a bit. I’m grateful for it. I think it is one of the reasons that I was able to be the father I am. That couple of years after Daniel was born... It was tough. Lacey was resentful, and was in and out the door. She had affairs. I didn’t care so much for me. She and I didn’t have a physical relationship at that point. I didn’t care because of me. I cared because I knew she didn’t love Daniel the way that I did, and it made me angry. How can you not love that kid with everything that you are? I couldn’t understand it then. I can’t understand it now. She left when he was three. I had full custody until he was five. That was when she decided she wanted to change the weight of the child support.”
Arizona was listening, he could tell. Even though her gaze was fixed straight on the horizon line.
“That was tough. For a while I had him on weekends. As he got older... I got him for holidays and all school breaks. It’s not enough. I drive down to Dallas to visit several times when I don’t have him, and sometimes he stays with me for a weekend. I thought a lot of times about selling the ranch, so that I could be closer. But... Then I’m worried that I won’t have a legacy to leave him.” He shook his head. “I’m not too proud to tell you that I spent a lot of time crying into my whiskey about it. Kids have a way of stripping away that thing. That thing that makes you think you’re tough. Yeah. I think he took that away from me pretty effectively. I guess if something is going to make you weak, it might as well be your own kid.”
“Why tell me all that?”
“Because you’re holding something back. You’re angry, Arizona, I can see it. And you’re propositioning me like it doesn’t matter. And hell, maybe you do just want to have a good time because the attraction that we felt before is still there. It is for me. But I wonder if there’s more.”
She tilted her chin up, her eyes squinting. “Let me tell you something. I didn’t get softer in the years since you were here. I couldn’t afford to. I got harder. Because sometimes life throws stuff at you, and it’s not an opportunity to let your guard down. You’ve got to build a higher wall. A harder wall. I’m not tearing down a wall for you, Micah Stone. You’re leaving again. I’m not destroying myself, and everything that I created to protect myself, for you.”
“You just want to sleep with me?”
“Yes. That’s what I want. It’s a take-it-or-leave-it kind of thing.”
He wanted more. He realized it in that moment, and he had to wonder if he was cursed. He had been bound for all these years to a woman he wanted less of, quite frankly. But they had a kid together, and he’d been forced to try and make something work. He’d done his best. He’d had to leave, had to go away, had to step up and be the best dad he could, to be worthy of Arizona.
Now he was here, ready to give her more. Everything.