Pulling up my dress to my knees, I stepped into the icy water. A shiver darted up my limbs, hitching my breath. But I liked it.
I felt alive. Present.
“Very improper, my lady.” A deep voice yanked a gasp from my lips, twisting me around. “Plus, you’re scaring the fish.”
“Jesus. You scared me.” I patted my chest, the tension running through my body only twisting higher, a flutter walloping through my stomach to my chest. “How do you always sneak up on me like that?”
Lennox leaned against a tree a few meters away, dressed in a tailored suit, looking sexy as hell, a mobile in his hand.
“Since I was here first, you actually snuck up on me.” His eyebrow curved. “Though I can’t say I didn’t stay quiet hoping you’d consider skinny-dipping.”
A laugh barked from me, not ready for his response.
“Too cold.” I grinned, our eyes catching. “But check back with me in summer.”
“I will.” His gaze didn’t desert mine, channeling into me.
It was two words. A meaningless reply.
But it felt anything but.
Heat shot up my spine, scratching at my neck where my pulse pounded against my skin. I dropped my head, my lungs filling up, my attention to the swirl of water I created with my foot.
“I should go,” he said after a moment, jolting my heart with a strange panic.
“You haven’t been around much.” The claim burst from me, my arms wrapping around my waist.
Since our day riding, we had kept a wide orbit around each other. He was there for big events outside the palace, but for a few smaller ones, Dalton had put another guard on me. When I asked, Theo said something about him needing to attend to family stuff.
We had barely interacted besides a few words here and there. His stoic, impersonal façade was firmly back in place. I was a duty.
Most of the time, I convinced myself that he had the right approach. We were nothing more than bodyguard and charge, but I couldn’t deny that absurdly I missed him. Getting him to genuinely laugh or smile was like a high.
I also ached to go riding with him. I would assure myself that it was because Theo was busy, and we had horses in common, but the flutter in my stomach would try to suggest something else. I didn’t think about the fact he might be seeing Katy… nope. And I didn’t notice Hazel around him all the time at events.
“I had some personal things to deal with.” He pushed off the tree, a barrier falling, closing off any expression. “Your safety was never in jeopardy.”
My brows furrowed as I stepped out of the pond, my numb feet not feeling the gravel as I traveled to him.
“That’s not what I meant.” I licked my lips, twisting my hands together. “I just meant that…” Fuck, what did I mean? What was I trying to say? “I noticed you were gone. And I was worried.”
“Nothing for you to be concerned about, my lady,” he replied formally, but his fingers gripped his cell, his knuckles turning white.
“Theo said it was family business.” I was treading a very fine line with him, and I could see it in the way he shifted on his feet, his jaw clenching. “I know your parents are gone… I never asked if you had siblings.”
“I had a baby sister.” A touch of anger sprinkled his statement. “She died when I was fifteen.”
“Fuck. Shite—I’m so sorry.” I covered my mouth. I was getting better at dealing with press and holding myself in certain ways in front of cameras, polished and poised, but still awkward in real moments, the real me coming out unfiltered.
Lennox’s mouth twitched with humor before it dissolved. “It was a long time ago.”
“How?”
“She drowned. We had a lake on our farm. Swam there every summer. She was ten. Better swimmer than me.” He glanced down. “She had asthma… and I wasn’t paying attention.” He swallowed, looking away. “She died.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You were still a boy—”
“It was my fault.” He gritted his teeth. “It was different back then. At fifteen, I had most of the farm’s responsibility on my shoulders. My sister was easy compared to everything else. She should have been my only concern. Not—” He shook his head, not finishing his thought.
I understood, growing up on a farm, obtaining a lot more independence and responsibility than most kids. I was birthing calves, lambs, and training horses at six. And I had been in charge of my sister a lot, never once thinking I was too young to watch her.
He leaned back on his heels, ready to bolt. “I better get back.”
“Wait.” Impulsively, I clutched his hand. His gaze dropped down to my touch, a nerve in his cheek convulsing. “I just wanted to say…” My tongue and mind stumbled over each other, having no idea what I wanted to say or where I was even going. I stared at my hand gripping his, his skin warm and calloused, fumbling with my thoughts.
“What?” he said lowly, stealing oxygen from my lungs.
I peered up at him, my head wagging, full of nothing.
“What, Spencer?” he rumbled with a bite of irritation.
“I don’t know.”
I miss you. I want to see you more. Be friends again.
All those statements felt wrong to voice out loud. Like it was improper. And none of them seemed to fully express the sentiment cramping my chest anyway.
He tugged out of my grip. “You don’t know or just can’t say?”
“What?” My head jerked up, my foot stepping back. In a flash, anger soured my expression. “What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing.” He gripped his cell with his other hand, taking a step back from me as well, widening the gap between us. “Put back on your heels and pretty smile… You are fitting in well here.”
“I’m sorry?” My mouth parted, anger burning up my spine.
He shook his head, circling around, heading for the path.
“Don’t walk away from me!” I yelled, jogging after him, the soles of my feet crying out in pain as they hit the gravel.
“You ordering me to stop, Duchess?”
“Don’t call me that.” I rolled my hands into fists, still trekking after him. “And yes, I’m ordering you!”
He whipped around the same time I caught up with him, forcing me to jump back, my head cranking up.
“You can’t command me.” He leaned into my face, his mouth only an inch from mine. “I don’t work for you, remember? I work for the king.”
“If you want to keep your job, you will.” The moment I said it, I wanted to pluck the words from the air, pretending they were never said.
His nose flared, his jaw settling in a strong line.
“I-I didn’t mean that.”
“Yeah, you did.” Fury lined his forehead, his huge frame puffing even more over mine. On flat feet, I felt tiny under his furious shadow. “It’s fine, Duchess… I’m nothing more than the help.”
A strangled scream stuck in my throat, huffing out my nose, and my gaze burned with ire. I wanted to punch him, strangle him, kick him like my trainer had taught me.
At six a.m. and without coffee, I hadn’t even wanted to kill my trainer the way I wanted to murder Lennox.