I'd never been in any sort of parley before. I fought for Orran in the war, but I was nothing more than a weapon, pointed and told to kill. Things were different for those in charge, there were rules to these sorts of things, and I didn't know them.
"So many of them," Imiko said, her voice quiet with awe. "I don't like this."
"Then leave." The words came out harsher than I intended, and I didn't slow my stride. Still, Imiko kept up with me with ease, her longer legs easily matching my pace.
Three men on trei birds stopped before us, one still holding a white flag. They did not dismount. I passed my own flag to Imiko and met them with my usual bravado.
"I am Field Marshal Eres," said a man wearing an impeccable black uniform that almost matched his skin. His eyes were sharp underneath bushy brows that threatened to engulf his face, and his hair looked slick with oil. The trei bird beneath him fidgeted, but he kept his composure. I wondered how easy it would be to make the beast bolt with him still atop it. In response, Ssserakis made my shadow cloak a little darker so my face was only lit by the flashing of my eyes.
"My name is Eskara Helsene." My own clothing was not nearly as well-maintained as the field marshal's. After all, I had been wearing it for nearly ten days, but I wore a sturdy outfit of red and brown that deepened in the shadows Ssserakis wove about me. "Where is the Emperor?"
The frown on the field marshal's brow deepened slightly. "He's not here." A deep voice, not unlike Hardt's though without the warmth. "The Emperor is back in Juntorrow." He said the words as though to a simpleton and I felt my ire rise.
They mock us!
"He does not even have the courage to face me?"
I felt Imiko's hand on my shoulder and shook it free.
The field marshal watched me from beneath his bushy brows. He was not even armed. "The Emperor has entrusted me to deliver his terms."
"Terms?"
"Yes. The terms of your surrender. Hand yourself over, bound and bereft of your Sources, and all others are pardoned and free to go about their lives. The Emperor only wants the Orran Sourcerer. No one else has to die today." He glanced up at the monstrous army that waited behind me, and though he kept his face tightly schooled, I could feel his fear. "How do you respond?"
Separate his head from his body and send it back to this cowardly king. That seems a fair response.
I grinned at Ssserakis' words. The third man in the field marshal's group was a Sourcerer, wearing the glowing blue emblem of the guild. They were, no doubt, to protect the field marshal should I attempt to cut negotiations short, but no one Sourcerer was a match for me.
"Your army will die here, Field Marshal." I said the words with such unabashed confidence, as though nothing could touch me. "And then I will march my monsters on Juntorrow and level every building, burn every home until the Emperor crawls out of his hiding place to face me!"
Nothing can stand in our way.
Field Marshal Eres shifted his grip on the trei bird's reins and glanced toward his Sourcerer. The man shook his head slowly, a sad look on his face. "This is no way to fight a war," the field marshal said, nodding past me towards where my monsters waited.
Again, I grinned. "I can feel your fear. Run! And maybe I will spare you and your men."
With a sigh, the field marshal pulled his bird around and kicked it into motion. The Sourcerer and flag bearer followed. Lursa stared down at us, despite the bright sunlight, and I couldn't help but feel the moon was accusing me somehow.
Imiko tugged on my arm again and this time I turned to face her. She recoiled from whatever look she found on my face. "What are you doing, Eska?"
"Fighting a war."
"Against who? I understand you want revenge against the Emperor, but he isn't here." She was pleading.
"Then I will crush this cock-headed fool he has sent against me, and any other he puts in my way. I will tear Juntorrow to the ground to find him!"
Imiko shook her head. "You're waging a war against an entire kingdom just to get at one man. Ishtar was right, Eska. This is madness."
She is a fool. If an army is in your way, you crush it.
"These people are just trying to protect their kingdom, and their families. They're not your enemies." Imiko shook her head and tears fell free.
"They're Terrelans!" I snapped.
"So am I." She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "So is Hardt. So are you, Eska. You want to depose the Emperor, to kill him. Fine. I'm sure he's a horrible man. But slaughtering anyone he puts in your way is not right. These people don't deserve it. The people of Juntorrow don't deserve it."
"They're his army. His weapon." Her words had stirred something inside, and it felt a lot like guilt. Guilt for something I had done long ago under the banner of war. Actually, it was guilt for a lot of things I had done. It was a feeling I had long ago buried. But burying your past just means it's still there for someone else to dig up and reveal to the world once more.
I was a soldier, ordered to kill by the people in charge, the people I trusted, the people who had raised me. Pointed at a target and told to bend my power upon it. By fire and horror and everything else at my disposal, I killed hundreds during the Orran Terrelan war. They were my enemies by the simple act of being on the other side of a conflict that, in truth, should never have been ours. Orran started the war, for land and power and unification. I was trying to start a new war, for even worse reasons. My ghosts crowded in around me, swirling faces raised by my guilt and brought into sharp focus by my turmoil. My old mantra echoed in my head; I am the weapon, but it no longer dispelled the guilt or doubt. It rang false.
Do not listen to her, Eskara. You swore to me and I to you.
Ssserakis was right about that. I promised I would fight. I swore I would win. But I didn't realise who I was truly fighting against, or even what I was fighting for. I was on the verge of starting a war nobody wanted, not for power or land, not even truly for revenge. I was starting a war because I didn't know what else to do. What a horrifying realisation that was to make. After everything I had been through, everything I had suffered… It dawned on me then that I wasn't the hero of my own story. I was the villain.
My vision blurred from my tears and I let out a ragged breath. The field marshal re-joined his troops and there was movement in the ranks. My monsters waited for my signal.
"We can still run away," Imiko said, clutching my shoulders. I don't know if she could see my inner turmoil, but that contact helped me steady me. "You can create one of those portal things and we can run. You don't have to fight."
I looked up my friend, the woman I considered a sister, and smiled. And nodded. Imiko was right. I was on the verge of starting a war, and she had talked me down. I will always owe her for that. Not that it mattered.
A dull thudding percussion echoed across the field, followed by another and another. Swirling green masses passed overhead as the Yurthammers began their toxic bombardment.
Chapter 23
I stared in mute horror as the gaseous projectiles sailed above me, trailing green wisps behind them. The impact was not violent. What the Yurthammers belch out is concentrated toxin, bound in mucus. The poison bombs crashed down on the Terrelan troops and split apart into clouds of vapour tinted a sickly greenish yellow. Screams followed as the men and women of the Terrelan military found out exactly why Yurthammers are banned.