“It’s the truth. If Nik were still alive, you probably would already be married, lounging in the bed of a rich lord of your father’s choosing.” She giggled, pinching one of Tasia’s breasts. “Or already fat, with infants pulling down on your lovely, perky nipples.”
Tasia pulled away from the girl, pressing her fingertips against her temples. All she had wanted was to reminisce about the time her handmaid had soothed her grief with a kiss. Somehow the conversation had taken a twist that felt like a knife blade in her gut. Much like Mylla keeping her upcoming marriage a secret had felt like a knife in the gut.
Tasia opened her eyes. “You’re going to be late to meet your father — or Umfrey. Or both of them, I don’t know.”
“Tasia — ” The girl reached for her but Tasia pushed her hand away.
“Don’t, Mylla. Just go.”
“All I said was — ”
“You know what my brother meant to me. You speak as if…” The unfinished game she’d been playing with Joslyn caught her eye. “As if it’s all some game of Castles and Knights.”
“It is a game of Castles and Knights,” said Mylla. “You, your brother, your sister — even me. We’re all pieces on the board. Don’t you know that? Pardon me for pointing out the obvious.”
“Pardon me for thinking you saw me as something more than just a princess!”
Mylla gave a bitter, sour laugh. “‘Just’ a princess. It must be nice to think of yourself that way, to be so accustomed to your privilege that you can forget for a while that there’s a board, a game, and pieces in play. Do you realize how hard my father had to work to get Umfrey to propose to me?” When Tasia didn’t answer right away, Mylla said, “No. Of course you don’t. Because everyone clamors to marry you, and you turn them down at your leisure.”
“I turned them down because of — ”
“Don’t say ‘me.’ Don’t you dare say you turned them down because of me. You should know better than that.”
Tasia said nothing.
Mylla snorted. “While all Four Realms are ready to bow and kiss your hand, all you can do is mope around up here in your tower and feel sorry for yourself. A princess in love with her handmaid. This — ” she said, pointing back and forth between herself and Tasia “ — could never go on indefinitely. If it did… We’d be nothing but a bawdy comedy waiting to happen, Tasia, don’t you know that?”
Tasia could feel her heart shattering at the same time she felt the anger rise like a tidal wave inside her.
The one person she had trusted completely.
The one person she’d allowed herself to love since her brother had died.
The one person she’d thought had loved her, too — not because she was Princess Natasia. Just because she was Tasia.
But it had been a game to Mylla all along.
“Go,” Tasia said. “Meet your father. See if you can manipulate him into spoiling you more than he already does.”
Mylla snorted. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from the Princess.” She scooped Tasia’s dress from the floor and tossed it onto the bed. Then she crossed her arms against her chest. “Do you know the real reason why I didn’t tell you about the marriage proposal from Umfrey?”
She waited, but Tasia said nothing.
“Because I knew you wouldn’t be able to find a way to be happy for me,” Mylla said. “Because I knew the only way you’d be able to see it was as me leaving you. Well, you know what, Tasia? Not all of us are princesses. Some of us actually have to think about where our game piece is on the board. Some of us have to think about improving our family’s situation.”
“All I think about is improving my family’s situation!”
Mylla laughed. “Really? Since when?”
She shook her head in disgust when Tasia could find no reply.
“You’re selfish, Tasia. You always will be. But I don’t blame you; it’s the luxury of being just another princess.”
She spun on her heel and marched to her own bedchamber, slamming the door hard behind her.
Tasia crossed the room, flinging open the wardrobe and pawing through it until she found the baker’s girl shift, hidden at the back. She yanked the simple brown dress from its hanger and pulled it on, not bothering to put her brazier back on or change out of her silk undergarments first. She didn’t plan on anyone seeing her undergarments anyway, and if they did, she wouldn’t be in an explaining type of mood, anyway.
Never having to explain herself was the luxury of her station, wasn’t it?
She stuffed her feet into knee-high riding boots — another bit of clothing a baker’s girl would never have, but oh well — and stormed out of her bedchamber and into the anteroom.
Joslyn stood just on the other side of the door, as if expecting her.
“I’m leaving the palace,” she announced. “And I suppose I have no choice but to bring you with me.”
Tasia gave the guard a petulant glare, daring her to raise a challenge.
But when Joslyn finally did speak, she simply observed: “You’re dressed as a commoner.”
“Yes. This is what I wear when I don’t want the attention of being the Princess of the House of Dorsa.”
Joslyn nodded but still looked uncomfortable.
“Is there a problem?” Tasia asked sharply.
“No, only…”
“Only what?”
“Only if we’re trying to go unnoticed, then I probably shouldn’t be wearing the palace guard blacks,” Joslyn said. “I will give us away immediately.”
Tasia had been prepared for a confrontation. She hadn’t expected Joslyn to acquiesce so easily, and now she didn’t know how to respond.
“May I have a moment to change clothes, Princess?” Joslyn asked. “I believe I have something that will suffice.”
17
Sneaking out of the palace had become second-nature to Tasia, and she led Joslyn through the Sunfall Gate with ease, joking with the night guards and flipping them a silver penny each by way of thanks. As the guards only earned five coppers in a week, a single silver coin was nearly a month’s salary. A nice bonus in exchange for turning a blind eye to the Princess’s nighttime “meanderings,” as Norix had called them.
But Joslyn’s expression was pensive as they left the circumference of the palace’s lanterns and slipped down a side street.
Tasia watched her out of the corner of her eye. “What?” she finally asked.
Joslyn glanced sideways at the Princess. “Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. What are you so sour about?”
“The night guards on the Sunfall Gate,” said the guard at last.
“And what about them?”
“They are derelict in their duty if a single coin sways them to conspire with you,” Joslyn said. “It presents a breach in security that endangers the entire palace.”
Tasia laughed. “Why, because they have enough sympathy that they’ll let an imprisoned teenage girl out to play now and again?”
“No.”
“Then why?”