“I can have you taken back to Earth—hide you—keep you safe while we fight the Alameeda. If we win, you can remain there, or come back if that’s what you want. If not…Earth may be the best place to hide from Kyon,” Trey says, like he’s choking on his words. “Maybe by then you’ll develop a way to stay ahead of him—precognition…something.”
“You’d help me get back to Earth?” I feel my heart pounding in my chest.
“I’m sure both Wayra and Jax would volunteer for the mission,” he replies. “I’ll order them to stay with you and help you dodge the raindrops.”
“But, you’d stay here?” My heart sinks.
He nods. “I have to stay. I have to protect Rafe from what’s coming.” He looks grim.
“But if I stay, too, I could be really helpful to Rafe. Interrogations alone would make me invaluable,” I struggle to think logically and figure out what’s happening here. “And if I can develop precognition…then I can see what the enemy is planning.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Trey says with conviction. “War sounds romantic, heroic even, until everyone you know starts dying.”
Nodding numbly, I hold on to a chair. “You’re right. I don’t know what it will be like here. But, I’ve seen what one human can do to another—things that have made my spirit ache.” Looking up at Trey’s face, his eyes soften a little in understanding.
“How am I going to keep you safe here?” he asks, looking solemn. “I’m a soldier. I lead men into battle, Kricket. I don’t know if they will allow me to stay with you much longer.”
“You’ll have enough to worry about with your own family. I can look after myself.” I pick up my plate and take it to the compost chute. Placing my dish in the receptacle, I turn to see Trey watching me.
“You can’t be left alone here, Kricket,” he says quietly.
I rub my eyes tiredly with my hand. “I’m not your problem, Trey.”
“You’re my responsibility,” he insists.
“Why?”
“Because I brought you here.”
I laugh humorlessly. “If it weren’t you, it would’ve been someone else. I don’t need your pity, Trey. I don’t need anyone. I do my best work alone.”
I drop my hand from my eyes and turn away from him because I don’t want to see his face when he explains his reasons for leaving; it might break me. A part of me knows this has to happen. I should be doing everything I can think of to make him leave. The Alameeda will begin their smear campaign soon. The dirt they plan to throw at me will spatter onto anyone standing near. The problem I have now is that my heart is no longer stone; it feels like paper, ready to be shredded at any moment.
“This isn’t pity. You can’t survive here without help.”
I turn and quirk my eyebrow at him, pointing my finger at myself as I say, “Chameleon, remember? Anyway it’s clear you’re done with me. We don’t have to drag this out—”
“Done with you?” he asks incredulously. “How in Ethar did you come to that conclusion?”
“You just tried to pawn me off on the enemy.”
Trey frowns. “I wasn’t trying to pawn you off,” he says defensively, “I was trying to let you choose…I’d like to think that I would’ve let you go, Kricket, if that was what you wanted, but the truth is that I don’t know if I’m capable of letting you go.”
“What?” I feel like the world just moved around me, while I remained still. I glance at Trey, he’s wearing a grimace that says that he may have just said too much.
“Kricket, I—”
“You know—stop right there.” I hold up my shaking hand, “because you can’t say stuff like that to me. You can’t just kiss me in fountains and then say you only want to be my friend,” my voice cracks as my throat tightens. “You can’t just tell me that it’s impossible to love me while you treat me like I’m some kind of lurker, and then say you don’t know if you can let me go!” I shout angrily, trying to see him through my tear blinded eyes. “Because it hurts me too much when you do things like that, Trey. It makes me hope that you could love me some day and that kind of hope for someone like me is just...” Feeling tears rolling down my cheeks, I turn toward the door, hoping he’ll have the decency to let me walk away and hide for a while.
Before I can make it to the door, Trey’s arms wrap around me, pulling me to his chest. Trying really hard not to cry is only making me cry harder. “Kricket,” Trey whispers in my ear, rubbing my back soothingly.
“What am I to you, Trey?” I whisper.
His arms tighten almost painfully around me. “You’re...my friend.”
I stiffen, pushing hard against his chest so that I can see his face. “Your friend? That’s all I am?” My throat aches from choking back tears. I hate crying in front of him. I never want to cry in front of him again.
He averts his eyes from mine. “Yes.” His jaw tenses.
I pause, and then my eyes widen. “You’re lying!
“Kricket,” Trey warns. “Don’t.”
I dry my eyes with the back of my hand. “Don’t what? What else am I to you, Trey? TELL ME!” I demand
Trey lets go of me and walks toward the other end of the table. “You’re someone I’m paid to protect,” he says with his back to me. I’m gutted. It’s true and it hurts more than I thought it would to hear him say it out loud.
There it is. He doesn’t want you. He’s doing his job, just like everyone else in your life. “Oh,” I mumble. “That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“No...” I frown, reading him, “You just lied to me again. Why?”
Trey’s hands ball into fists. Then he turns around and his eyes stare into mine. “We can’t do this now.”
“Do what, Trey?” I growl. “You’re lying and I want to know why! Am I a burden to you or something? Is that it?”
“No!” he says, like I said something utterly absurd.
“Then what is it? It’s not like you love me, right? We’ve established that much.” I say derisively.
“Right,” he lies.
My eyes widen in shock as I become breathless. “What did you just say?” I ask slowly. “Did you just lie...Trey...Do you love me?”
Trey doesn’t answer me but his jaw grows tighter with each passing moment.
“Do you?” I demand, and then hold my breath
“No,” he lies again.
I exhale sharply. “You love me!” I whisper in near disbelief.
Trey exhales deeply, too. “I’m not allowed to love you, Kricket,” he says honestly, watching my reaction. “By loving you, I put you at even greater risk than before. It would come from all sides—from every angle—not just from the Alameeda.”
“You said it was impossible to love me,” I go on, ignoring him. I feel almost as hurt now as I had then.
He shakes his head slowly. “No, I believe I said it was impossible for you to love me. Almost as impossible as hiding the fact that I love you.”