“It’s not,” she argued.
He raised a black brow. “It is. And don’t tell me I can’t know what you’re thinking. You’re still second-guessing yourself about not helping Rhi and the rest against Usaeil, which means, you’re questioning everything about the decision of whether to join the Kings against the Others.”
Erith smiled up at the man who had stolen her heart so very long ago. She had loved him from afar for thousands of millennia, and she still had a hard time believing he was hers.
“You do know me pretty well,” she said.
He bent his head and gave her a long, slow kiss. By the time he pulled back, her mind was blank, and her body was on fire for him.
“Tell me all the reasons you don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Erith blinked as she tried to remember what they had been talking about. After a few moments, Cael’s lips turned up at the corners in a satisfied grin. “It’s good to know I’ve got that kind of effect on you. If it helps, you do the same to me.”
“That does help,” she said with a chuckle. But the smile died as her thoughts returned to the battle that was brewing between the Dragon Kings and the Others.
She faced the window once more and looked out over the domain that had been solely hers for as long as she could remember. Now, however, it also belonged to the Reapers and their women.
“I don’t know how long I existed in space before I finally took form. It was even longer before I found a planet and ventured down to it. The concept of time meant nothing to me as I visited realm after realm, searching for anyone who looked like I did. Then I found the Fae. I found you,” she said and looked over her shoulder at Cael.
He nodded. “We were at war. I believe the Light and Dark Fae have always been at war.”
“Yes. That’s all I saw for years,” she said and returned her gaze out the window to watch a condor soar across the sky. “It changed me.”
His hands came around her upper shoulders as his lips touched her ear. “You don’t have to say more. I know this story well.”
“Then tell me what I became,” she insisted.
There was a long hesitation before he said, “The Mistress of War.”
“I killed so many, Cael. So many who deserved it, and even more who didn’t.” She closed her eyes and tried not to feel the weight of those souls. “I destroyed not just species but planets, as well.”
“And you vowed not to do that anymore.”
She leaned her head back to rest against his chest. “It was you who changed that. I wanted to be something more, so I put away my armor and sword and changed from Mistress of War to Death. I began the Reapers, taking the strongest Fae warriors who had been betrayed, and giving each of you a second chance at life.”
“I’ll never be able to repay that.”
“You don’t need to.”
He placed a gentle kiss on her temple. “It’s not war that makes you cautious.”
How could it after she had battled Bran and his army of Fae? “No. And before you say it, yes, I killed during the battle with Bran.”
“You had to. It was either kill or be killed. No one can fault you for that, and while I did almost lose you, I think Bran did you a favor.”
Erith jerked and shifted to look at him. “How can you say that? He nearly stole all of my power.”
“He forced you to see both sides of yourself. Death and Mistress of War. And look at you now, my love,” he said proudly. “You are both—and stronger than you’ve ever been.”
Erith wanted to argue against what Cael said, but she couldn’t. Because he was right. Bran had backed her into a corner. He’d done it because he thought he would win against her, but she had made the decision to embrace the part of her that she’d tried to forget for so long.
“You’re right.”
“I know,” Cael said with a heart-stopping grin. “You should listen to me more often.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and rose up on her tiptoes to hug him. “I do, love.”
Her eyes closed as he held her close. Nothing could hurt her when she was in his arms. It was the safest she’d ever felt, the place she sought out every night when they went to bed, and every morning when they woke.
“You still haven’t changed your mind, have you?” Cael asked.
She licked her lips as she pulled back to look at him. “I’ve stood aside for so long.”
“So?” he stated with a shrug. “Trust me when I say that every Reaper wants to fight against the Others. Including me.”
“You aren’t a Reaper anymore,” she reminded him.
“I’m also not a Fae, but I still claim to be both. I don’t know what I am anymore, and it doesn’t matter. I’m with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Call me whatever you want, but understand what I’m saying.”
She sighed as she lowered her hands to rest on his chest. “I do. I’m well aware of how the Reapers feel.”
“They would never disobey you, you know that. And while they might not truly understand your reasoning, they accept it.”
Erith rolled her eyes and gave a bark of laughter. “Begrudgingly.”
“Indeed,” Cael replied with a smile.
“You feel strongly that we should join the Kings?”
“I do. You told me why you didn’t want to join the battle. Tell me why you do.”
“That’s easy,” she said with a shrug. “The Kings have done a valiant job of defending this realm since the beginning of time. Every King has given more than anyone should, especially the current Dragon Kings.”
Cael then asked, “You pity them?”
“On the contrary. I’ve seen their strength.”
“So, they can win against the Others.”
Erith paused as she considered his words. “I think they have a very good chance, but none of us should underestimate the Others.”
“What happens if we don’t join the Kings, and the Others defeat them?”
The mere thought of the Others besting the Dragon Kings made Erith not only sick to her stomach, it also made her see red.
“That’s what I thought,” Cael said. He brought one of her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Your reaction—all without words, I should remind you—is the response you need to the question you’ve been unable to answer.”
He was right. As he usually was. She shouldn’t have second-guessed herself. She let him pull her against him once more as he held her, softly stroking her back.
“No one can know yet,” she said. “No one. Not even Eoghan.”
“You don’t want to tell the Kings?”
She shook her head.
Cael’s hands halted. “What about Con?”
“I’ve not spoken to him.”
“Perhaps it’s time. You’ve always known when to go to Con when he needed it. I think now is one of those times. For both of you.”
“He’s going to ask about Usaeil.”
“Tell him the truth.”
Erith nodded slowly. “His battle is only beginning. Even if he defeats the Others.”
“If anyone can handle it, it’s Con. Look at what all he’s done.”