“Silence! I’ve heard enough!” The queen marched over and reached for the battle-ax, but the tribeswoman refused to give it up.
“You can silence Fina and me,” Brutus said, “but then everyone here will know that you fear the truth. You fear that Fina might be loved, and you’ll be left out in the cold.”
“I fear nothing except weakness!” the queen yelled, veins popping from her scarred forehead. “I have seen what happens when we allow it into our village. The men come. They take what they want. They rape and kill. They take us as slaves. So while you might have the modern notions of kindness and love, I am not so naïve. And that is why I am leader.”
“Okay, Mother,” Fina finally jumped in. “Then that basically means you think we need you to survive—that we’re all a bunch of stupid, incapable children instead of the brave, strong women we really are. So if you hate weakness so much, then you must hate us, since we all need you so much.” Her words were ripe with sarcasm. “I mean, that certainly is how you treat us, is it not? You punish us, deprive us of love, you make sure there is no joy in our lives. Because we are disgustingly weak, and our sense of purpose should come only from pleasing you.
“So in light of that, and how beneath you we are, I suggest the following: Those who feel they need you to survive and are sooo afraid of living without you can stay. The rest may go and remove themselves and all their nasty weakness from your view.”
Yes! Brutus cheered on the inside. Fina had backed Chaca-caca-whatever into a corner, and it was a damned bright one that illuminated the queen’s true colors.
The queen lifted her chin. “I think what’s really going on is that you’re afraid to die, Fina. I mean,” she chuckled sadistically, “we all know how you freed Brutus here because you were too squeamish to watch him die. And then you ran away. Like the weak coward you are.”
Brutus booed on the inside. “Helping innocent people makes her a merciful and strong woman. Weak is the person who needs control.” He’d seen such people a million times. They needed to poke the bear, stab the bear, hurt the bear, all to hear the bear cry so that they might feel some semblance of power. The bear’s cry made them feel like they existed. But hurting innocent people only made you an asshole. It made you a bully. “Fina is a woman whose power comes from within. It is why she’s unafraid to show mercy and kindness, even if it means defying a frigid, closed-minded, coldhearted bitch.”
“Ohhh…snap!” the women around them all crooned.
“I’d follow a coldhearted bitch any day over a soft, whiny, spoiled little princess.” Helga stepped forward, a large sword in hand. “Fina is nothing but a cavity in the mouth of the voice of true greatness, and I say it’s time for us to extract the decay, so that our queen may bed a man immediately and make a replacement heir.” Helga pointed her sword directly at Brutus. “And I think this fine specimen will do. He is, after all, strong and healthy. His mind is weak, easily swayed by pussy, but he’s no different from all men.”
If Fina’s eyes were fighter planes, she would be shooting Helga with missiles.
Helga spun in a circle, staring down her tribeswomen. “Sisters, let me remind you what happened the last time anyone challenged the queen.”
The group of tall blonde women grumbled and exchanged muted side conversations.
Brutus didn’t know the significance of this event Helga spoke of, but if he wanted to make a counterargument, he had to ask: “For those of us who weren’t there, enlighten us. I for one would like to know what was so horrible that you would keep this joy-sucking tyrant in place rather than follow someone like Fina.”
Helga snickered. “I bet you’d like to know, but we don’t answer to you, male.”
“Cimil.” Fina groaned. “Cimil came along. She said if we didn’t listen to Mother and obey her, we would all be taken to the underworld and forced to live out eternity as slaves to her monkeys.”
Monkeys? “There are no monkeys in the underworld,” Brutus scoffed.
“Well, not yet!” a shrill, horribly familiar voice called out.
Brutus turned his head to see bright red hair in pigtails. Cimil. And she was wearing a tent. Not a dress or muumuu, but a real-life tent with the poles and zippers and everything. Kind of like an old-fashioned hoop skirt, but this covered her from the neck down and was significantly larger.
The women gasped and fell to the ground, averting their eyes. Everyone except him, Fina, and the queen.
“Cimil…” Brutus growled. “I hope you’re here to rescue us and tell these women there are no monkeys in the underworld.”
Cimil marched over, careful to step on absolutely everyone and make them yelp as she passed by. “There are no monkeys in the underworld. I made it all up so you’d all listen to Chaca Chica here. And now you should all let Brutus and Fina go so they can get it on.” Cimil looked at Brutus. “There. Happy now?” Cimil held out her hands.
“But, but why would you lie like that—about the monkeys?” Fina asked.
“Because I’m evil, which everyone knows. And, ultimately, my lies were going to make you a more resilient leader, Fina. But now my plans are shot to hell because the world as we know it is ending in about seventy-two hours. May I go now?” Cimil patted her stomach. “Because I’ve got a load of babies to drop, and I’d like to do so in my bouncy castle, surrounded by family so we can all die in a fiery ball of doom together.”
The tribeswomen exchanged glances.
Brutus just sat there, obviously, his heart and soul telling him one unified: Cimil actually sounds serious for once.
Was it possible? Was Cimil actually telling the damned truth? Because he generally knew when she was lying. He could see it in her face—all part of his honed skills as a soldier engaging with a very dangerous foe.
“Well?” Cimil tapped her pink fuzzy slipper, still looking directly at him.
“Well what?” Brutus asked.
“Are you happy now? Because Colel made me promise I couldn’t leave until I paid back that favor I owed her—she loaned me a truck full of honey for a wrestling match with Big Foot. Anywhoodles, I seriously do not want to die with a debt hanging over my head. Those types go into the Pit of Gorg and can’t come out until they’ve matched all of the Tupperware lids to the containers, which basically means you stay forever.”
Huh? He had so, sooo many questions, but he couldn’t pass up this opportunity to save his “wife.”
“If you untie us,” he said, “and take Fina and me away from here to Sedona, then I’ll be happy.”
“Hey. What about us?” one woman piped up. “You said we’d get to choose.”
Brutus looked at Cimil. “And you must take anyone who wishes to go, too.”
Cimil rolled her bright turquoise eyes. “Fine. But just warning you, your virgin ears and eyes might not be prepared for the things going down at the Uchben headquarters, so stay far, far away from that place. Unless you plan on flipping, in which case, you should definitely go because it’s wild and perfect for evil people.”
Brutus stared, now more worried than ever. Niccolo, his dog, was at the compound, being looked after by one of his men. He hoped? “Where is Colel?”