I rubbed my arm and reached for my phone. It was noon. I didn’t really remember much after 3:00 a.m.
There was a missed call and two messages from Dec, and, absurdly, one text from Alex Mackenzie. Alex’s words were laughably hostile, but it was Dec’s message that actually concerned me. I shook my head, sure I misunderstood what he was asking for.
I always knew if he truly needed me, and I hadn’t felt anything. I was sure it was fine. I needed to call him back. But, first, I needed a shower. Then I needed coffee. Besides, how much could have happened in just twelve hours?
* * *
“Can we come in?” Dec asked.
“Yeah. Of course.” I stepped out of the way as soon as I regained control of my limbs—it was like I was moving in slow motion while the rest of the world continued in normal speed—and watched Dec and Annie walk over to my grandmother’s threadbare floral sofa and sit, legs pressed together.
I lowered myself carefully into the narrow armchair across from them. My hair was still wet. I should have put on something heavier than a T-shirt after I called and told Dec that he and Annie could come over. My bare arms felt too sensitive, my scattered emotions written all over them for anyone to see.
My memories of last night were still incomplete, but my body certainly had been through hell. My voice shattered when I said, “Do you want—”
“Tristan is gone,” Dec interrupted. “He wanted to talk to Annie a couple of days ago. But when we stepped out of my room, he just vanished. I figured he’d be back, but I need to talk to him about my dad.”
Dec rubbed his dark-circled eyes. He obviously hadn’t been sleeping. And I recognized the expression on his face. It was waking up in a hospital bed and not knowing how you got there; finding out your parents had died; searching through your head for weeks of memories and finding only a suffocating emptiness. Alex might have wanted to talk to Ian, but Dec needed to find Tristan, so I had no choice but to help him. Even if my brain felt like pea soup. Even if we were about to break a ton of Guild rules.
I nodded; even that hurt. “Give me an hour, and I’ll meet you at your place. See if Laura is free too.”
Dec glanced at Annie and said, “Can we do it here? I’d rather not worry her.”
I wanted to remind Dec that he hadn’t actually been much use as a medium over the past couple of years, that Tristan was obviously at home in Hampton House, and that when it came to young mediums, more was always better than less. But the nervousness in Dec’s voice stopped me.
Here it would be, then.
“Sure.” I did a mental check of my room, making sure I’d cleaned up the evidence from last night. “Upstairs. I’m not sure when Dad is due home.”
“Wait.” Annie swung her head from Dec to me. “What’s happening?”
I caught Dec’s eyes and saw myself there. Saw the last three years. The ebbs and flows of our friendship that would need to sustain us once Dec left St. Hilaire. No, there was no way that I wouldn’t help. I said, “We’re going to hold a séance.”
* * *
Dec and I sat across from each other on the floor, only a single candle between us. Given the choice, I always went for darkness.
Guild rules dictated that since we were both under eighteen, we could only participate in séances with adult family or Guild members, so we were taking a risk. I had to hope that no one would be looking for any sort of activity or disturbance since Tristan hadn’t set off alarm bells yet. And, unlike some ghosts, he was unlikely to rat us out.
I handed Annie a rain stick. She tested it by turning it over a couple of times, and we listened to the beads inside rush around like music. Then she nodded from her place under the window.
St. Hilaire mediums had many ways of inducing a trance. I knew some who drank until they almost passed out. There was someone who used to hit his head against a wall until he hallucinated. Some went without food, played a drum, or stared into a flame. Most simply tried to relax and listen.
The goal of all rituals was to lose yourself. I always knew when it was working because I’d stop being aware of my physical body.
Dec and I joined hands on either side of the candle. With our fingers wrapped tight around each other’s and the heat from Dec’s skin distracting me, I had to fight hard to focus and remember why I was here.
We closed our eyes in unison as Annie began to move the rain stick slowly one way, then the other.
I tried to quiet my mind. I focused on my breathing. In. Out. In.
Dec whispered, “Tristan, Tristan.”
Out. In. Out.
When it was this quiet, it was easy to hear your heart beating. Feel another’s pulse where your index finger sat against his wrist. Notice the tension in your shoulders.
In. Out.
Time began to dart and weave in and out of my mind. Had it been a minute? Twenty? Tristan had to know we were trying to contact him. Ghosts weren’t usually elusive; in fact, they were more often driven, obsessed with connection and whatever goal had kept them tethered to the living.
So, where was Tristan?
I opened my mind.
“Damn it,” Dec said, pulling his hands back. “This is a fucking waste of time.”
I opened my eyes and shivered.
Dec shook his head. “This isn’t going to work.”
“Dec,” I said, watching his jaw clench. “There are other ways.” Common sense said I should leave it alone. Recharge. Recover. But I couldn’t deny the excitement of running an illicit séance.
I stretched, hoping to get my bearings and to assuage my guilt. I’d had a good year—a successful year—sitting in on a ton of Guild séances. Now, when my best friend needed me, I couldn’t pull it off for him. It wasn’t like any medium could draw spirits 100 percent of the time, but it was frustrating as hell to have failed now.
“What in the world is that?” Dec said, pointing to my arm.
I looked down to see my arm trickle green-tinged blood. It had stopped aching, so I hadn’t noticed this latest development. “Rough night,” I said, swallowing hard.
Dec’s eyes blazed. “Is this what you’re doing when I can’t find you? Is this your ‘other ways’?” He reached out and grabbed my arm. I snatched it back. “You know what?” he said. “Never mind. You want to light candles and chant some stupid words over and over, that’s fine. You want to call upon the spirit of your dead grandma, go for it. But if this is how you’re getting stuff done, forget I asked for your help.”
I closed my eyes. Tendrils of energy still crawled through my veins. I was tired and ever-so-slightly shaken, sure, but beneath that, I felt strong. Powerful. I could do this. All of this. Dec would realize that it was worth the risk. And so would the Guild.