So why does my heart ache?
I stare at the road, not wanting to face him as I realise the truth...because I like him. It’s a foreign feeling for me, but I do, I fucking like the suave idiot. Christ, I really am fucked up, liking someone else’s mate.
I want to ask him what she’s like, but I don’t think I can bear knowing. I bet she’s some rich, sophisticated nightwalker, all regal and shit. Not like me, all crazy hair, blood-soaked clothes, and on a vendetta road trip with a flaming chain she stole from the very people who hurt her.
“Bella?” he calls, sounding concerned.
I give him a smile, a fake one, but hey, I’m fucking trying. “I’m tired, could you drive for a bit?” I request.
His eyes fly wide and then he grins. “Sure thing, Bella.”
I pull over and switch seats with him, curling up instantly as I face the glass and close my eyes. But that doesn’t stop the pain, it feels like my whole chest is too tight, like it’s going to explode into a million tiny pieces, so I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold it inside and feign sleep as he drives. His power seems to drape across me like a blanket, I guess I had gotten used to the oppressive weight of it.
I wonder how old he is.
“Old, Bella. If you wonder, just ask. I was the first,” he admits.
“First what?” I press without looking. Conversation is good, it will distract me.
“First nightwalker, the original. Your people call us the forgotten gods now, merely a name and a bloodline passed down through the ages.
I sit up and look at him in shock, almost spluttering. “So you’re like super old,” I say lamely, and he smiles.
“Yes, Bella, I’m super old,” he teases.
“Why didn’t you just wipe that house to smithereens then?” I question.
He shrugs. “I liked watching you fight.”
“They were your people who were doing that,” I growl.
He sighs. “They were. My people have always been the...unruly lot. Not as bad as my brothers, but yes, hard to control. They covet power, wealth, and blood. I have been away from it, not wanting to play their games anymore, so I’m afraid I didn’t know that this was happening.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I inquire suspiciously.
“Because you asked,” he responds, like it’s simple.
“So? People don’t share information freely, information is power, they use it like weapons, striking out at one other when they can,” I lecture, knowing that to be true.
“Not all people, Bella. Some, yes. But I don’t want us to be like that, I will always tell you the truth, you merely have to ask.” He looks at me then, his face serious, and I nod.
I want to ask about his mate, but I’m scared of the answer, so I curl back into my seat, pressing my cheek to the leather, and watch him drive.
“Are you an only child?” I find myself asking.
“No, there were seven of us,” he offers with a smile, and love in his voice.
“Damn, your poor mum’s vagina,” I tease, and he laughs, looking over at me and shaking his head.
“That wasn’t what killed her, we did,” he says ominously.
“What?” I gasp, though nothing about this man...god, should surprise me anymore.
“Our parents, we killed them, they deserved it. They killed someone we loved, the only person we loved.” He looks at me, his expression softening. “Her name was Lilith, she was like a little sister to us—well, nearly all of us. I loved her, Bella. She was so innocent, she had such a way of seeing the world.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and I am, I can hear the pain in his voice.
“She would have liked you, told me you were exactly what I needed. Shake me up, throw me off my feet, keep me out of my own head and my mouth shut in shock. She was always a bit wild too, so mature and carefree.”
“You miss her,” I murmur.
He nods. “It’s been so long, yet the pain is still there.” He rubs his chest. “Guess that’s what it feels like to lose family.”
“I hope not, I hope the pain goes away, because I don’t know if I can deal with it,” I reply, staring out the window.
He reaches over, twining our hands. “Then we will feel it together.”
“I’m scared of forgetting him,” I admit, allowing myself to be weak with him for just a while longer.
“I am too. Sometimes I can’t remember her face, and then others I can. We can remind each other, remember them, share stories, describe them so they will never be forgotten,” he replies.
I nod, but I know it won’t happen. He has his mate now and he won’t need me anymore, not after our job is through and he’s paid his debt to me.
“So seven brothers, huh? That has to be one hell of a Christmas party. Bet you have to buy a lot of food,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
He changes gears and then takes my hand again. “No, not really. I haven’t seen any of them for years.”
“Why not?” I query.
He shrugs. “We each went on our way after Lilith’s death, only meeting every now and again, and then as the time grew longer and the world changed, we drifted apart. I often wondered if she was the heart that held us together, but I think it was because we all blamed ourselves for her death and couldn’t bear to face the others.”
“You should go and find them, let them know that. Family is important, you might have been around a long time, but your life isn’t infinite. You could die at any moment, so live free and fast and with no regrets. You’ll only regret the things you didn’t do in the end.”
He looks at me, blinking slowly as a wonderful smile curls his lips. “You are right, Bella, so very right. I’ll find them after we find your man. You could come and meet them with me, and see the world. I’m betting they are spread out all over,” he rushes out, excitement coating his voice.
I smile at him and nod, but I know I won’t be going with him. I’ll be leaving him with his mate and running back to my safety of hiding myself away, ignoring my own advice. I never said do what I do, just what I say.
The clock on our borrowed time together is getting shorter by the moment. I can enjoy it now, enjoy our time, and when it’s over I’ll go back to being alone. To always protecting, always lying, always moving.
Without him.
Ciar
She eventually falls asleep. I try to peer into her mind to figure out what’s frustrating her, but it’s clouded with slumber and so many layers of thoughts...she is protecting whatever is wrong, so I pull back. I’ll let her come to me when she is ready. It’s not like I’m going anywhere, but she will be soon if we don’t get this guy. The clock is counting down, so I speed up a little, pushing her car to the limit.
I bared my heart to her, although I don’t expect her to return it straightaway. Oh no, my Bella has more secrets and layers than a vault...but she seemed almost upset with the news. Does she not want to be my mate? Not that she has a choice, like I would let her get away. I’ll just have to convince her, but seeing as none of my usual charm works on her, I’ll have to do it the old way, prove to her I’m worthy of this bond and her.