“It’ll make things easier, though,” he said and I thought what?
“What things?”
He shrugged. “The future. And all that comes with it.”
And that was all he would say until we got to the house at the end of the lane. Thomas and Joe were waiting for us. “It’ll be okay, Ox,” Carter said before he went inside.
“Ox,” Thomas said warmly. “Thank you for coming.”
I smiled back a bit nervously. I knew he could smell it on me. Werewolves were like that. So he said, “There’s nothing to be worried about,” and I said, “Okay.”
Joe took my hand and rubbed his forehead on my shoulder. He was getting tall. Almost thirteen years old and he was sprouting like a weed. I told him as much and he grinned blindingly at me.
Thomas walked into the woods without another word.
Joe tugged on my hand, and we followed.
I followed their example and didn’t speak.
Eventually, we reached the clearing in the woods.
Joe dropped my hand and went to stand by his father. Without a word, they sat down on the grass, crossing their legs, facing each other.
Thomas said, “Joe, what does it mean to be an Alpha?”
“It means protecting others at all cost.”
“Even at the expense of your life?”
“Yes. Pack is more important than anything else.”
And man, did I want to step in and say something, but I kept my mouth shut. Thomas glanced at me briefly, a look of warning on his face, but he smiled quietly to let me know he understood.
“And why is the pack more important?”
“Because pack is family,” Joe said. “And family is everything.”
“Ox,” Thomas said. “Sit with us.”
And I did. I was unsure of my place here. Unsure of why I’d been invited along. Unsure of what to say. So I did what I did best and said nothing at all.
And neither did Thomas or Joe. They sat there, watching the leaves in the trees, hands trailing through the grass beneath, and everything was green. Green like the wings of the dragonfly I saw on the day Joe and I first met. Green like Elizabeth’s phase when we first met. Green like Gordo’s earth magic, sharp and pungent. Green like relief, like so much fucking relief that I was overwhelmed by it all.
I was. Because I was sitting next to an Alpha werewolf and a future Alpha werewolf and I belonged with them. To them. And they belonged to me.
The bonds were there. Between us. The bond to my Alpha. The bond to my Joe.
We stayed there for hours and didn’t say a word.
FROM THAT point on, I went with them more often than not. Sometimes we sat. Sometimes I watched as Thomas and Joe trained one-on-one, claws flying, fangs bared.
I asked Thomas again, “What is all this for?”
“What?”
“The fighting. The claws. The teeth. Training. All of it.”
He said, “So when the time comes, we’ll be able to protect our territory.”
“From who?”
He shrugged. “Everyone.”
“Thomas,” I started. But then I stopped because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted.
He waited, like he always did.
I want the bite.
I thought to say it. I really did. I opened my mouth to say just that, but I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t make it so.
He knew. Of course he knew. “I’ll be here,” he said. “If and when you’re ready. If not me, then Joe.”
“He’s going to be great, you know,” I said quietly. “Because of what you’ve taught him.”
Thomas smiled. It was a rare thing, and it made me feel good to see it. “An Alpha is only as strong as his pack.”
I ASKED him one day when Joe would become the Alpha.
He said it would be when the time was right.
I asked him what would happen to him then.
He said he would serve as his son’s Beta.
I asked him what it would feel like to give up all that came with being an Alpha.
He said it would feel green.
I didn’t ask him how he knew.
SOMETIMES THOMAS sent just me and Joe out to the clearing.
Sometimes we talked.
Sometimes we didn’t say anything at all.
He said it was for the bond between us.
SOMETIMES I thought they were keeping things from me.
It was just a feeling I had.
ground you walk on/the fallen king
SHE WAS in the kitchen singing along with her radio when I said, “Mom, can I talk to you?”
She looked over her shoulder as she stirred a saucepan on the stove. She smiled and said, “Hi, baby,” and I almost turned and ran out of the room. I was eighteen years old, and I was scared of my mother.
She must have seen something on my face because she turned down the heat on the stove and turned. She reached out and touched my arm. “Okay?”
I shook my head. “Uh. Maybe? I think so. Possibly.”
She waited.
I loved her. And she loved me. So I said, “I’m pretty sure I like girls.”
She said, “Okay.”
And so I said, “And guys.” My palms were sweaty.
“Okay.”
“Like… you know.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “Oh. That’s….” She squinted at me. “Equally?”
“What?”
“You like girls and guys. Equally? Or one more than the other?”
I shrugged. “Maybe the same? I can’t say for sure because I’ve never done anything with a guy.” I winced. “I really wish I hadn’t said that.”
She blushed. “Well. You’re eighteen. You can… you know. Do. That. As an adult.”
“Oh god,” I groaned.
“No, no. It’s okay!” She sounded nervous. “I just…. You always hear that parents just know these things about their kids. I… didn’t know.” She frowned. “Does that make me a bad mom?”
“No! Er. No. Nope. You’re… great. At. The mom thing.”
She sighed. “Ox.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t care about stuff like that.”
“What stuff?”
“If you’re gay or whatever.”
“Bisexual,” I said as if that would make it any better.
“Bisexual,” she said. “Okay.”
“This is awkward.”
“Is it?”
“Isn’t it?”
“You look scared,” she said.
I looked down at the floor. “I didn’t want to make you mad,” I managed to get out.
And then her arms were around my waist and her head was against my chest. I put my forehead on her shoulder and hugged her back.
“I could never be mad at you for being who you are,” she said quietly. “And I’m sorry if I ever made you think that.”
“So. It’s not. Weird? Or anything?”
She laughed. “Ox. You are a part of a pack of werewolves and you’re asking me if something like this is weird?”
“You’re pack too,” I said quickly.