And she was. To an extent. Ever since that moment when Thomas had touched her head and she’d become aware of just how strange the world could be, she’d been pack. It had taken her weeks to accept what she’d seen, and maybe a little longer to believe it down to her bones. Kelly told me that for a long while, she’d stunk of fear anytime she’d come into contact with the Bennetts. I told him not to take it personally, and he’d just laughed and put his arm around my shoulders and said that of course they wouldn’t.
She didn’t come with us on full moons most times, but Thomas had insisted that she train like the rest of us when she could. At first, she was quiet and awkward. At first, she did little.
I don’t know what changed. Maybe it was when Thomas took her on a walk through the forest and spoke with her about things I never asked about after. Maybe it was when Elizabeth took her to lunch and they drank peach wine and giggled like little girls. Maybe it was me and how she saw I needed this. Needed them.
I didn’t know what caused the change. But one day, she came with her eyes flashing, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, and she managed to sweep my legs out from underneath me. I was dazed, looking up at the clouds through the trees and she just laughed.
God, I loved that woman. More than anything.
Which is why I was so scared at disappointing her. With something so stupid as sex.
“Is there… you know.” She looked up at me. “Anyone special?”
I shook my head. “Not since Jessie.”
“Not a lot of pickings around here.”
“Uh.”
“You’ll meet someone,” she said, suddenly fierce. “You’ll see. A girl or a boy and they’ll worship the ground you walk on because you deserve to be treasured. And I’ll be there to say I told you so because you’ve earned it. If anyone in this world has earned it, it’s you.”
CARTER WENT to college. I found a rare weekend to go visit him. Kelly and Joe wanted to go, but they had homework and Elizabeth put her foot down.
Carter was okay with that.
He had a dorm room to himself.
He introduced me to a few people, but I forgot their names almost immediately because it’d been weeks since I’d seen my friend. He must have felt the same because he made the people leave and we lay on the floor, his head on my legs, and he said, “You smell like home.”
We stayed there until the sun went down.
He took me to some club and got us in. I didn’t know how. He said it was probably because we were bigger than everyone else.
The music was loud. The lights were flashing. I didn’t know how he could stand it, given that all his senses were heightened. I could smell booze and sweat and the cloying sticky perfume of a woman who came out of nowhere and rubbed herself against me before she disappeared back into the crowd.
Carter just laughed.
He said, “Here,” and handed me a glass of something.
I drank it. It was fruity and it burned.
He did too, but alcohol did nothing to wolves, unless they drank enough to kill a normal human. He’d told me once that he just liked the taste. He wondered what it’d be like to be drunk. I wondered what it’d be like to feel the pull of the moon.
I saw the glint of orange in his eyes.
It was hot in the club. Sticky and moist.
One moment I was laughing as two women came and sandwiched him on the dance floor, and the next there were pretty green eyes in front of me. Pale skin. A wicked smile with a hint of teeth.
He said, “What’s your name?”
And I said, “Ox.”
“Ox. That’s unique.”
I grinned because I felt good. “I guess. Who’re you.” My limbs were loose. The bass crawled along my skin.
He said, “Eric,” and, “You want to dance?”
“I’m not very good. I’m too big.”
That wicked smile curved even farther. “That right?”
He pulled me by the hand and led me through the crowd. Carter caught my eye and asked a question that only I could hear and I shrugged and turned away.
Eric pressed himself against me, a long hot line of sweat and flesh. There was a roll of his hips against mine and I said, “Wow.” He laughed.
The song changed and I felt lips against my neck, a quick flick of a tongue.
Later, I was in a bathroom stall. Eric was on his knees. My dick was in his mouth, my head back against warm ceramic tile that shook with the beat of the music. My fingers were in his hair and everything was hot and wet. I grunted a warning and he backed away, jacking me until I came on the dirty floor. He stood up and kissed me while he jerked himself off. He sighed into my mouth. He tasted like stale beer and mint. He came on his hand. I felt raw.
“Thanks,” he said, zipping up his pants. “That was great.”
“Sure,” I said, because I was unsure of what else to say. “You too.”
And then he left.
I stood in the bathroom for a while, but it smelled of piss and my head hurt.
I couldn’t find Carter and I tried to find that thread, that thing inside that said BondPackBrother, but I was overwhelmed by everything and so I said, “Carter, Carter, Carter,” and for a moment nothing happened. And then he was in front of me, eyes narrowed, hands on my arms, looking me up and down, trying to find where I’d been injured.
His nostrils flared and he said, “Was it consensual?” and I blushed and looked away.
It took a moment, but I nodded.
His arm went around my shoulder and he chuckled near my ear, his forehead pressed against my hair. “You dog,” he said.
“Says the werewolf.”
He growled near my ear. “Was it good?”
“Shut up.”
“Was it awesome?”
“Shut up, Carter.”
“Did you swoon?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“Look at you,” he said. “Getting blowies in public. My little Ox is all grown up.”
“Bigger than you,” I muttered, and he just laughed and laughed.
He pulled me away. It wasn’t until we got out onto the street that I saw the lipstick smeared across his lips. Across his neck. I told him he was a whore. He snarled, and I ran. He chased me, orange eyes flashing happily. He pretended to let me win.
We slept in the same bed, curled around each other because we were pack, and I knew he missed home.
I showered for a very long time before I left the next morning.
When I got back, Joe asked, “Have fun?”
And I said, “Sure, Joe,” but it felt like a lie.
NICK HAPPENED a year later. He came in to Gordo’s all dusty from the road. The clutch on his bike had blown out a few miles outside of Green Creek. He stayed for a week. I fucked him on the last three days he was in town. He left and I never saw him again.
Joe was fourteen and he didn’t talk to me for three weeks after that. Said he was busy. Finals were coming up and he had to study.
“Sure,” I said, trying not to worry at the strain in his voice. “You okay?”
“Yeah, Ox.” He sighed into the phone. “I’m okay.”
I almost believed him.
I HAD just turned twenty-two when monsters came to town.