Carter and Kelly lifted themselves up from Thomas. They stayed shifted and moved until they sat as Mark did, looming over Thomas. Mark sat at his left side. Carter and Kelly sat near his feet.
Elizabeth pulled away from her husband’s face and sat near his head, her leg pressed against his cheek.
Joe stayed at his right side.
They were deliberately placed around him based on their position in the pack.
They waited.
I didn’t know for what.
Until they all looked at me.
Except for Joe.
I thought about running away.
Disappearing into the trees.
Finding my mother’s body and lying next to her. I would close my eyes and sleep and when I awoke, this would all have been a dream. Even though there was pain, even though I could feel everything, this would be a dream because it couldn’t be real.
But there was blackness in my head.
There was murder in my heart.
And it felt real.
I couldn’t move.
The wolves waited.
Somewhere, a killdeer called out from the trees. An odd bird, it was. Singing at night.
I thought the whole forest could be holding its breath.
From behind me, Gordo said, “They’re waiting for you.”
I didn’t turn to look at him. I couldn’t. Not while the wolves were watching me.
“You’re part of them,” he said. “You’re part of this.”
That little voice, that mean little voice whispered in my ear again, saying I never really had a choice in the matter. That if they’d just stayed away, none of this would have happened. And I wouldn’t be feeling as guilty as I was.
And my mother would be in the kitchen. Popping soap bubbles on my ear.
Carter whined at me, soft and low, ears drooping.
Because he could probably feel what I was thinking. Maybe not in so many words or specifics, but he would get the gist of it.
They all would.
So I swallowed it down and let it slide down my throat. It burned.
I felt Gordo’s hand on my shoulder.
Out of the corner of my eye, his tattoos pulsed and writhed.
“You feel it too,” I said.
He sighed. It was the only answer I needed.
I shrugged off his hand.
Took a step forward. And then another. And then another.
Until I’d taken my place. Next to Joe.
I knelt down beside him. My shoulder bumped his. He was stiff, unmoving. He stared down at his father, bloodred eyes glowing in the dark.
Something settled when I took my place next to him.
It wasn’t much, especially not in the face of all that had happened.
But it was there.
Because he was my Alpha now.
And I was his mate.
“WHY DO you howl?” I’d asked Thomas.
He dug his bare toes into the dirt and grass and leaned his back against a tree. The sun was shining overhead.
He said, “In the wild, wolves call to each other. It can be meant as a warning for others encroaching on a territory. It can be a rallying cry, to bring the pack together. It’s used in a hunt. To show location. And sometimes, they howl together. To show happiness. To make them seem like a bigger group than they are. It’s called group howls, and it’s a beautiful thing to hear.”
“And that’s why you do it?”
He closed his eyes and smiled. He was amused by me. I was enraptured by him. “I think we do it just because we like to hear the sounds of our own songs. Narcissistic creatures, we are.” The smile faded slightly. “Though sometimes, the songs are meant to sing a pack member home. It’s easy to get lost, Ox, because the world is a wide and scary place. And every now and then, you just have to be reminded of the way home.”
We didn’t speak for a long time after that.
I WASN’T a wolf.
I didn’t think I’d ever be. Not by choice.
But two members of my pack were lost.
I tilted my head back.
My eyes stung.
The stars blurred above me.
I said, “Ah god.”
It came out rough.
I cleared my throat as it tried to close.
I thought of my mother.
I thought of Thomas.
They were lost to me now.
I needed to sing them home.
And so I did.
It was a broken sound, cracked and splintered. It wasn’t very loud, and it grated against my ears. But I put everything I could into it even as I realized I maybe wasn’t quite the man I thought I was as my cheeks became wet, my breath hitching in my chest.
My howl died out quickly.
I took another breath.
Mark howled with me, his voice melodic and heartbroken.
Carter and Kelly harmonized along with us, mixing in with our song.
Elizabeth picked up the song as we breathed in, her howl high and long. The song changed because of her, because of what she’d lost, and the wolves took her song and made it their own, their voices inlaid with hers, octaves above and below.
I felt Gordo on the periphery. I felt his hesitation. His awe. His sadness. He didn’t howl, but his magic sang for him. It was in the earth below us. In the trees around us. He didn’t howl, but then he didn’t have to. We felt it, just the same.
Joe shifted next to me.
It was smoother than any shift I’d seen him do before.
One moment, he was a sad boy, lost and bloody, and then he was a wolf, bright white in the darkness. He was already bigger than he’d been before tonight, his paws maybe twice their original size. Where he’d come up to my waist before, he would now probably be up to my chest if I’d been standing. He wasn’t as thick as his father had been. He was bigger, yes, but still wiry. I thought that would change with time as he got older.
The others let their songs echo and fade into the forest as they waited.
Joe looked at each of us in turn. His eyes lingered on me the longest.
His song was deeper than it’d ever been before. I felt every single emotion (hurt pain love oh god why why why) he put into it and it was all I could do to keep from flying apart.
There in the forest, under a new moon and stars that lied, we sang our pack home.
THINGS MOVED quickly after that.
The next three days were a whirlwind, the Bennett house filling with people I’d never seen before. They went with Joe and Mark and Elizabeth and Gordo into Thomas’s office and disappeared for hours, wolves all. They whispered quietly to each other, the ones I didn’t know. They eyed me as Carter and Kelly lay curled around me, still shifted, whining piteously as their feet kicked in whatever dreams they had. I didn’t let these strangers intimidate me. I stared right back.
I only got bits and pieces.
Richard had gone underground.
Robert Livingstone hadn’t been found.
Osmond, though.
Osmond had been a surprise. No one had expected him to switch sides. He too was gone.
It rankled them, the wolves. To know now that they’d had a traitor in their midst. Especially one as high up as Osmond. I didn’t blame them. But I certainly didn’t trust anyone I didn’t know in the Bennett house. I got the impression they were having a hard time trusting each other.
Elizabeth wouldn’t let me go back to my house. She said it wasn’t right. Not now. Maybe not for a long time. I stayed in Joe’s room. In his bed.