“What do I need to…” My question faltered as I glanced around the room, looking but not really seeing. I couldn’t get the words out because that would make this real. My eyes settled on the unconscious Gaden, my brows jerking down.
Stuart saw my discomfort and came to my rescue.
“The process is quite simple,” he explained with a lame smile. “The catheter slides into the cat’s urethra to collect the sample, the stimulator emits a weak electric pulse that mechanically stimulates the prostate, bringing a semen sample out through the urethra.”
I’m going to zap…Gaden to get his semen. I swallowed hard.
“It’s OK, Shan,” Stuart said. “It’s a little weird, but it's important. There’s a move to create frozen zoos all over the world by stockpiling genetic material, so that if the worst happens and a species becomes extinct, we have a bank of samples with which to resurrect them rather than lose them forever.”
I understood the rationale all right, but Stuart had no idea what he was asking. I just stared at him as he used his reassuring vet guy routine on me, not realising I was stuck knee deep in existential horror. Would he be so glib if it was him on the table?
“Perhaps Ms Bruce should try inserting the catheter,” Hollingsworth said.
“With the potential for damage to your animal’s urethra? It’s bad enough you’re insisting untrained staff get involved. Nick, if you can talk Shannon through the process while I catheterise the animal, that’d be great.”
“You OK?” Nick asked when he came over. I didn’t reply, my tongue stuck to the top of my mouth. “It’ll be all right. It’s kinda gross, but no more than that time we had to express the Johnson’s dog’s anal glands.” He was trying to lighten the mood, but that wasn’t possible. “Well, not that bad. You’re just going to put a little lube on this.” He held up the device. “It can’t go too far, so don’t worry. Once it's in, we’ll run a low electrical current…” His words faded away as I twitched, remembering the feel of the cattle prod on the shifter. “You gonna be OK, Shan?”
“You’re fine, aren’t you, Ms Bruce?”
So if I didn’t hate Hollingsworth before, I did right now. There was a malicious air of glee as he oversaw us working, causing even Nick to frown. There was something going on with this place, and I needed to report back, all of it, to the pack. Just get through this, I told myself. Just get it done and then GTFO. He went back to explaining what we had to do, trying his best to ignore the creep over our shoulders.
First, we had to empty the cat’s bladder so as to not contaminate the semen sample, something that had Janey gagging. I looked over at her in sympathy, but on we worked.
“Perhaps you’d like to step outside, Miss…?”
Hollingsworth had obviously forgotten Janey’s name, something she was more than happy with, if it meant stepping away from the container slowly filling with the cat’s piss and out of the room. She shot me an apologetic look as she scuttled out.
“They’re quite tiny, aren’t they,” Hollingsworth said, looking over our shoulder as Nick worked, taking syringe after syringe of urine out.
“What?” I asked.
“For such large animals, they have little penises. Much the same as Kazimir over there. Massive beast, miniscule little equipment.”
You sick fuck. You sick fucking fuck.
“Um…OK.”
“Can we get away from the description of animal anatomy?” Stuart snapped. “I’m not entirely sure it’s necessary. Right, that looks like the last of it. Nick, we’ll keep a sample for our records. Captive animals are prone to illness, and UTIs are killers for cats.” The vet nurse nodded, taking the large petri dish away carefully. “Now, Shan, when Nick reinserts the catheter, you’ll use the electrical—”
“I think doing a manual evacuation for her first sample collection would be beneficial.”
“What?”
All our heads jerked up, but the institute head just maintained that eerily polite smile of his, like he’d asked if I wanted milk or sugar in my tea.
“If Ms Bruce manually manipulates the prostate to produce the sample, she’ll be able to get a better feel for the animals’ physiology.”
“You want me to put my fingers up a leopard’s butt?” I asked.
“He’s probably right. If you’re going to do this, Shannon, you’ll need to get to know each animal intimately.” Stuart blinked. “Sorry, that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.” He glanced back at a still pacing Kazimir. “They are all so different, despite being cats, and then there’s the timber wolves and the… You get the idea. You can’t feel anything when you put the stimulator in. You have to use your instinctual memory of where the prostate is to get a correct placement of it.”
My eyes flicked to Nick for confirmation.
“I know it’s kinda gross, but you get used to it, and hey, it can be a great trick to use on your boyfriend.”
“And now I know way more about you and John than I ever wanted,” I shot back.
Nick wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Makes you see stars. So, whaddya reckon? You ready to rock this cat’s world?”
Except he wasn’t a cat. He was a person. Sticking parts of your body into that of an unconscious person was rape, pure and simple. And as I looked back at Hollingsworth, I think I understood his simmering interest.
He wanted to see me do this—violate Gaden in a new way, one that he couldn’t any further. I had no doubt he’d done this before, getting his grant, setting up this place, but fuck. My heart hammered inside my chest as my hand hovered over the animal. I was the only other person in the room that knew the implications of doing this. My eyes darted to the other employees, people we’d been introduced to, but they just seemed somehow faceless.
Did he know what I was? The idea dropped like a depth charge inside me, tensing my muscles, making my head ache. Never let them know what we are. Nan’s voice was getting louder and louder in my head. I knew that, had never intended to ever get this close to discovery. Keep them happy, avoid scrutiny, she’d lectured.
But I couldn’t, not this. Sweat beaded my brow, sending a wash of heat through me, and the twist of nausea in my belly became a violent wave.
“I’m sorry,” I said, yanking off the gloves and putting my hand to my mouth. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
I didn’t wait for an answer or a response, shoving the glass doors open and running to the elevator, hammering on the button. I needn’t have worried about convincing them of my illness, bile rising in my throat. My eyes scanned the room with its crazy pacing animals. Stereotyped behaviour happened in captive animals anyway, so watching the timber wolf wear a track wasn’t that big a deal, until I reached out to it.
Shifter? I pushed, dreading, hoping my theory wasn’t true.
What the fuck are you? His response slammed into my mind with the force of a freight train. The wolf stopped, regarding me with yellow eyes. Oh, baby, you wanna get the fuck out of Dodge. There is nothing but pain for you here. For us too.
All of them? Are they all shifters? I shot back, pushing that damn lift button. It was only one floor. What was keeping it?