Still no answer. She tried the knob. Unlocked.
“Of course, if you did shave, then kisses are less scratchy.” She shrugged and opened the door. “So either way it’s a win for—”
She froze.
“Jessa!”
The only three faces she could’ve wanted to see as much as Lucas’s stared back at her. Colie, Violet, Cade—what were they doing here?
And where was Lucas?
“I know I said swimming is a good workout. But not alone when it’s almost dark.”
Lucas approached the riverbank, moonlight rippling over the surface and a cold wind shuddering through him. The relief he’d felt moments ago when he’d spotted Noah’s hunched form sitting on a fallen tree trunk at the river’s edge clung to him.
He hadn’t thought too much of it when Noah hadn’t come back to the cottage last night. Had figured he’d gone back to the farmhouse to stay or maybe booked a room at the Everwood.
But for some reason, panic had set in this afternoon. He’d tried to brush it off. Noah was a grown man, and if he’d decided to ditch town, ignore Lucas’s calls and texts, fine. That’s what he’d kept telling himself as he helped with the final gala set-up—pulling the tarp off the plants and flowers he’d covered last night, putting fresh batteries in all the lights that weren’t solar- or electricity-powered. But when he’d gone back to the cottage to get ready, the worry had gotten to him.
So he’d gone looking. He just wished he’d thought to check here sooner. By now, the gala was probably in full swing and Jenessa would be wondering where he was.
“Do I look like I’m about to go swimming?” Noah didn’t move his gaze from the water.
“No, but you do look cold.” What the heck was the guy doing out here in short sleeves?
“If you’re thinking about peeling off that suit jacket and handing it to me, don’t. I’m your brother, not your girlfriend.”
Brother.
Just one word. It was like a gust of wind, blowing over and scattering all the emotion, the questions, the tumult of the nearly two weeks since he’d learned the truth of Noah’s identity. Of his father’s life.
He sat on the tree trunk beside Noah. “You were right yesterday. I’ve been taking out my anger at Dad on you.”
“Well, I did the same thing to you the first week I was here.”
“So, you really didn’t know anything about Kit and I before? Flagg didn’t prepare you at all?”
He shook his head. “He put me on a plane to Iowa with hardly any details. I went along with it because what else was I going to do? My life was going nowhere and here I suddenly have this chance to join an elite team and do something crazy and cool. If I had to go spend a few weeks in Iowa first to prove I was ready, well, okay.”
“But then you got a look at me and suddenly put it all together?”
“Well, he texted me your name while I was on the plane. And I knew I’d heard it before. Back during your court-martial. I was just in high school, but I remember sort of jokingly questioning Dad about it and asking him if you were a distant relation.”
“I don’t think I want to know how he answered that.”
Noah glanced over at Lucas for the first time. “He didn’t deny it, just artfully dodged the question.”
Hmm.
“But anyway, yeah, when I saw you, the light bulb went on. That day I disappeared on you, I was on a fact-finding mission. Called Dad, got the truth out of him, hung up on him.” He shrugged. “So he knew I was here for a while before he showed up. I guess when he got that invitation from Kit, he realized I hadn’t spilled his secret and decided to come do it himself.”
“As weird and dysfunctional as this whole thing is, so much about Dad finally makes sense to me now.”
Minutes passed, only the water’s soft lapping at the riverbank’s edge filling the nighttime quiet. Finally, Noah spoke again. “I called Flagg. I decided not to join.”
Lucas lifted his head. “Really? Wow, I’m surprised.”
“I don’t think I was ever soldier material. I joined because of Dad. I was considering Bridgewell because of Dad. Heck, I’m here right now because of Dad. I’d like to do something because of someone other than him for once.” He looked over again. “How about you?”
He was the one to shrug now. “I had completely decided to resign. But then . . .” He hadn’t been able to bring himself to talk about this with Jen last night. He’d known where their conversation was headed, and when she’d offered him an out, he’d taken the escape. But at some point, he had to face the truth.
He spent the next several minutes telling Noah about the explosion in Afghanistan, about Tashfeen and his mother.
“Everyone back home thought I was missing, but there I was, living in Kaameh’s house. I was pretending to be a Good Samaritan, but the truth is, I turned my back on my duty because Kaameh made me feel good. She mothered me in place of Tashfeen. And I . . . I just ate it up. I selfishly took everything she offered—comfort, affection, friendship—without giving anything of real value back. After enough time passed, it actually felt like home.”
He traced the path of the river to the darkening horizon. “I’m worried I’d be doing the same thing to Jen if I stay. That it’s selfish.” It was the first time he’d faced his misgivings with true, aching clarity.
Noah gave him a thoughtful look. “How do you know you didn’t give anything back to that boy’s mother? Taking care of you might’ve been the one thing that kept her sane after he died. Being in her home might have kept it from feeling as empty as it would’ve otherwise.”
“Maybe.” But it didn’t change the fact that, deep down, he hadn’t stayed for her. He’d stayed for him. And in doing so, he’d let down his unit. He’d let down his family. He’d let down himself.
If only he could cast off the feeling now that no matter what he decided, whether he stayed or he left, he was about to let down Jen, too.
“So . . .” He looked to Noah, all at once in desperate need of a change of subject. “Hate to break it to you, but I’m not exactly an award-winning older sibling.”
“Actually, I stayed in the farmhouse long enough to know Kit thinks the world of you. She’s pretty cool too.” Noah quirked one corner of his mouth. “And I haven’t totally hated working alongside you.”
“Speaking of, we’re supposed to be enjoying the fruits of our labor right now.” He stood, stretched out his hand. And despite his unsettled future flurrying like a blizzard inside him, he managed a grin—or at least a half-smile—for Noah. “Since we’re not potential colleagues anymore, I say we start over.”
Noah clasped his hand and rose, the gesture turning into a handshake. “Brothers?”
He nodded. “And friends.”
They started toward their vehicles, but Lucas paused when his phone beeped. “I’m guessing that’s my lecture for being late to the party.” He pulled his phone from his pocket.
And froze as he read Jen’s text.
Where are you? The kids are here. Or were. Vi and Cade still are, but Colie ran and I don’t know where she is . . . please just get here.