‘Thing is, it could be a big deal. If one of your neighbours smells it and reports it, you could seriously damage your chances of being offered a job when you finish training. Or at the very least be in a lot of trouble.’
He was being melodramatic. A bit. No one was going to report me. Why would they? I got on well with my neighbours, my neighbours got on with me. Why would anyone report me? ‘Why would anyone report me?’ I asked him.
‘People do all sorts of strange things for strange reasons.’ He stabbed at his pasta, looking dejected. ‘I’m only trying to help. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘No, no, I appreciate it, I really do.’ I played sadly with my pasta. He was probably right. I shouldn’t have let it go as far along as it had. Con was soon to do his A-levels, smoking drugs was probably the last thing he should be doing right now if he wanted to get into his first choice of college. And it would be disastrous if I was caught with drugs. Even if they were someone else’s, it would still be bad enough to be associated with drugs. Because I wasn’t one of the bigwigs at work for whom people would turn a blind eye if they did a few lines in the toilets or at home on the weekend, or a bit of puffing to relax. Those rules would not apply to me. Nor to Con.
Mum and Dad ignored what he did because he was generally with me and they knew he was safe, but he would be in a world of trouble if he got caught. His college prospects would disappear.
I didn’t want to hear it, but Logan had a point.
‘You don’t have to talk to him about it or anything,’ he said. ‘I was just raising it because I care about you. And I’m not sure how wise it is for him – and particularly his friends – to have access to your home when you’re not here. Like I say, I’m only bringing it up because I care.’
‘I know you do.’ I squeezed his hand across the table. ‘And thank you. It’s nice that you care.’
Now
Was that an abusive act? It didn’t feel like it. He was looking out for me and he did have a point. But that was about the same time I lost my keys. They just disappeared and I couldn’t be sure where I lost them so I had to change all the locks. And I didn’t get around to giving Con new keys or even telling him the locks had changed. He didn’t mention it, so I’d just assumed that he hadn’t been over in a while. We didn’t talk as much after that. We didn’t spend as much time together. I didn’t see the Brain’s Trust at all. And, looking back now, into the vacuum that the absence of Conrad and the Brain’s Trust created in my life stepped Logan. Not even my other friends. Logan. Only Logan. Was that what Darryl meant?
January, 2020
I wasn’t sure whether to roll my eyes, laugh or scream.
Things were going wrong for Zeph again. I loved Zeph, right from when she was Zephie and I was VeeGee and we wore Afro puffs and over-the-knee socks and didn’t get what most people were into at school. We were tight, we were closer than sisters and nothing could come between us.
Zeph was a love warrior; the bravest of love soldiers who was always trying to find the person who would match her heart, whose soul would align with hers . . . But she was constantly being thwarted. Her latest thwart involved a man who had seemed perfect, so perfect we’d been making arrangements for me to meet him. I liked the sound of him. I liked the sound of the happy sparkles in her voice when she talked about him.
Only a couple of times had I wondered if he sounded too good to be true. And, ultimately, he was. No affair, no drugs, no gambling, no dodgy sexual practices. He just decided that he didn’t want to be with Zeph any more. As simple as that. He wanted to concentrate on his art and that was it.
‘I know he means it,’ Zeph wept on the phone to me. ‘It’d be easier if he was leaving me for another person, or because he was an addict cos then I’d have an excuse. But to just leave me for nothing. Nothing! I mean, he even told me he loved me and he cared about me but he just wanted to concentrate on his art.’
‘That sounds like the old “it’s not you it’s me” bollocks,’ I’d replied.
‘That’s totally what it is. And everyone knows that’s a load of lies, except he meant it. He actually meant it.’
I was so frustrated for her! Her heart deserved to find its twin, its beloved. She did not deserve this.
I climbed into bed beside a should-be-sleeping Logan. He’d been about to turn off the television when my phone had flashed up with the call.
‘Who was the S.O.S from?’ he asked. He flicked off the bedside lamp and snuggled up to me. Logan’s snuggles were the best. Apart from his smile and his laugh and cooking and his jokes and his ability to make sex feel out of this world, he was also excellent with the snuggles. With wrapping himself around me and transferring not only his body heat but the feeling of being completely, totally adored.
Being with Logan had given me a bit of insight into what Zeph was craving, what a lot of people were probably desperate for. To be honest, until Logan, I’d never really known what the fuss was all about. What the feelings were all about. Now I had it, I didn’t blame Zeph – and others – for doing almost anything to feel it again.
‘Zeph.’ I’d told him about Zeph, mainly because I couldn’t tell Zeph about him. I’d wanted to, but the complications . . . whew! Explaining about Mum . . . double whew!
‘What’s happened now?’
‘I can’t even tell you. It’s complicated but not – the short of the long of it is that it’s over with the latest guy. Artist Dude is no longer.’
‘Of course not.’
I lifted my head from Logan’s chest and frowned at him. He could see my frown in the dark. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I sounded a little more stern than necessary. I was fiercely protective of my girl.
‘It means the world was waiting with baited breath to find out how Zeph was going to end up on her own again.’
‘Don’t talk about my girl like that.’
‘I’m not talking about her like anything.’
‘Yes, you are. And I don’t like it. I’ve known Zeph since we were five. Don’t trash-talk her to me. Or anyone. Don’t trash-talk my friend, Logan. It’s not cool.’
‘I wasn’t trash-talking her. Why would I? I like the sound of Zeph very much. From what you’ve said, she’s a great person and has been an excellent friend to you over the years. I am not trash-talking her. I am merely saying she is drama.’
Zeph was drama. Always had been. But that wasn’t the point, was it? She wasn’t harming him, or anyone except possibly herself. It wasn’t for Logan to say such things, even if it was true. And he didn’t get to have an opinion when he hadn’t even been told by her that his knees were ashy and he needed to moisturise. Until you were that close to a person you didn’t get to make such loud, bold pronouncements.
‘You only know what I’ve told you. So if you extrapolate what I’ve said into anything other than “she’s a good person who has had a run of bad luck in love” then I’m not a very good friend and you’re out of order for joining up the things I’ve said in that way.’
‘I didn’t mean anything by it.’