We'd already 'tried' well beyond the window of opportunity for conception, and I didn't want to muddy things between us even more by letting him into my life so quickly.
“We should take a step back.”
Something flashed in his eyes, a little pang of hurt, maybe? I hated that. I didn't want to hurt him, but I also needed to protect myself. He might think he wants more right now, but this was new and impulsive, and I couldn't jump in with both feet when I was already diving headfirst into the future by making a baby.
“All right. If that's still what you want.”
“It's what I need right now. This whole weekend was so wonderful. The best few days I've had in years. But we need to slow down. I can't go from being your friend to being your forever in the blink of an eye.”
“Don't you think forever starts with friendship?”
God, why did that bring tears to my eyes? “Yes, I absolutely think it should. But I also know you, and you're resolute in your decisions, Mav. You were determined that this wasn't the life you wanted. You don't change at the drop of a hat or a pair of panties. And I know myself. I'm saying I need this to slow down, for my heart's sake.”
His eyes narrowed. “The difference between you and me is that while I might be resolute, I'm also not blind because I'm afraid. We can slow this down, but I'm not going to stop wanting you to be mine, Clara Barnes.”
“I know. I don't want you to stop, but we need to put some space between us, go back to our lives before we forget what those look like. Okay?”
He gave me a lazy smirk. “I don't think you realized how much of my life involves you. But sure. Let's slow down. That just means I get a chance to do some good old-fashioned wooing.”
A little thrill ran through me. What would that look like? Flowers and surprise visits? Dates? In public?
“Wooing in secret, though, right?”
“If I have to.”
I felt like an asshole, but I also had solid reasons for what I needed to do. “I'm just trying to keep us off the town's radar. They'll never forgive me if they think I'm keeping your baby away from you or running you out of town.”
He crossed the floor and stood right in front of me. “I know. And I agree. But if things were different, would you still want to be so secretive? If we weren't trying to get you pregnant?”
I let that question sink in for a bit, mulling it over. “No. If things were different, I'd be different too.”
That sexy smile of his had my heart melting. “Good. That's all I needed to hear. I'm gonna secretly woo the hell out of you, baby. Until you can't resist me and fall so hard you realize you can't live without me.”
My belly flipped. “Bring it on.”
“Oh, I will.”
He dropped the towel and headed to the bench under the window where his clothes were cleaned and waiting for him. I'm not ashamed to admit I watched him dress and filed that memory away for future reference. Glancing at the clock on my bedside table, he said, “You'd better get ready. Doesn't the clinic open in ten minutes?”
My chest lurched. “What? How did it get so late?”
He smirked. “You were distracted by the handsome man in your bed, I guess. It's okay. It happens to the best of them.”
I rolled my eyes. “Ah, now he's cocky. Just what I need. A cocky cowboy.”
He finished buttoning his shirt, then slipped on his boots before coming closer to me, grabbing me by the waist, and bringing me right up against him. “I'm exactly what you need.”
Then he kissed me hard before releasing me and sauntering out of my bedroom.
“You have a good day, darlin'. I'll be thinkin' of you.”
I stood there, breathless, aroused, and already missing him as he left the house by the back stairs so no one would see him.
“What have I gotten myself into?” I whispered to the empty room.
Sitting on the bed, I inhaled the scent of him that still lingered. I knew it was stupid to believe I'd be able to control my feelings for him, but I still tried to convince myself it was possible. Because giving him my heart when I wasn't sure he'd take care of it was too terrifying to think of.
The next day I went to work like normal. Saw plenty of cowboys, but not the one I needed. It was strange how I was so accustomed to seeing Maverick most days that the one day I didn't turned out to be the one I wanted him most.
I hadn’t wanted him to leave, but the real world wasn’t something either of us could avoid. Even if a Maverick Wilde sex bubble was much more appealing than vaccinating livestock. But there was a strange sense of relief in being without him, back to normal. Because I think a big part of me thought this couldn't be real. If I didn’t let him be important, I couldn’t get hurt when he left.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I loaded up the last of the tools I’d needed for all the vaccines I’d been doling out over at Ryker Ranch. I had to force myself not to stop what I was doing and pull my phone out to check the message.
Giddy excitement bubbled up inside me like a kid with a crush. I hadn't felt this way in a really long time. It was nearly painful to keep myself from checking the message until I’d closed my truck’s door and could finally take a minute to see who it was from. Sure enough, it was from him. Exactly the man I wanted to hear from.
Maverick: What's going on tonight, baby?
I bit my lower lip and leaned against the back of my truck as I typed a response.
Me: I’m heading to the Spur for girls' night.
Maverick: Oh, are you?
Me: Yes. Do you have a problem with that?
My phone rang immediately.
“You never call me. What’s going on?”
“Do you really think you should go out to the Spur and drink with your girlfriends? You could be pregnant with my baby right now. I don't know; that might not be very safe.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I’m not going to drink. I'm just going as moral support.”
“Oh, you're going as a wingwoman then?”
“Yes, a wingwoman. Jenna needs to find herself someone worth her time.”
He laughed. “She's not going to find him at the Spur.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, really. Cowboys going out to that bar are not looking for anything more than someone who’s willing to let them put their boots under her bed for the night.”
“Who says Jenna wants more than that?”
“Doesn't she?”
“No, she doesn't. She's not ready to settle down.”
“I see. All right. Well, I guess the Spur is the perfect place for her.”
“And you can wipe that judgey smirk right off your face.”
“What? I am not judgey.”
“Oh, you're so judging. I can hear it in your voice. Jen is a grown woman. If she wants to spend the night with a handsome cowboy, there's nothing wrong with that.” Protectiveness for my friend reared its head. No matter how magic his dick was, Mav wasn’t going to get away with slut-shaming.
“You're right. I didn't say there was something wrong with it.”
“It was implied in your tone.”