“They must just have not been right for each other.”
“Sure, you could say that. They had chemistry. They would fight, and then they would make up, and then they would fight some more. It was always this explosive thing between them. They'd be fiercely in love for two weeks, my dad doting on my mom, my mom happy and singing and loving her life. And then everything would change. They had two more kids, and then, inevitably, something would happen. Some bill would be more than they could pay, or one of us needed braces or new clothes for school, and it was too expensive and . . . life happened to them. They weren't strong enough to deal with it. Their marriage wasn't strong enough. They almost got divorced twice before I was twelve. They weren't right for each other, but they felt like they had to be together because they had me and my sisters. We were the glue that held them together, instead of just letting them go be on their own and be happy.”
I sighed heavily, fighting back the welling anxiety in my chest.
“I was the reason everything fell apart. And I was the reason they were trying to fix their marriage, and instead they ended up in a car accident on their way to the airport. It was my fault. And I don't want you to feel like you have to do this with me when it isn't even close to something you wanted, just because I might end up pregnant. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to be with me because of a child, because I have been the child who felt that. I was the kid they didn't want. I was the kid that made them miserable because they chose to be together for me and then my sisters. I don't want to do that to a baby. I don't want to do that to you or me. So it's simpler if we just stick with the plan. If you fuck me and then go away so I can do this on my own.”
I hated the thickness in my throat. The fact that tears were pooling in my eyes that I was fighting so hard to keep from falling. And then the man—that sweet, perfect asshole—he scooted closer and pulled me against his chest, pressing a kiss to my temple and rubbing my back.
“I can't believe you've never told me that story before.”
“It's not something I'm very proud of,” I admitted.
“It's not something you should be ashamed of. You didn't kill your parents. A car accident did. And whatever decisions they made, they're not your fault. You need to understand that, because if I let my parents’ failed marriage rule my decisions, I sure as shit wouldn't be here right now. Wouldn't be with you. And I wouldn't be trying to take this step with you. Okay?”
“I don't know what the right choice is right now.”
He cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned my face toward him. “Look at me. Let's take it one day at a time, okay? I know you're scared. So am I. Everything has changed. And I didn't plan on it, but my gut says that this is the right thing. That you and me are the right thing. And darlin’, my gut is never wrong.” His eyes searched mine. “If I had listened to my gut two years ago, I would have broken things off with Mallory instead of putting my heart on the line with her.”
“Tell me more about her,” I asked. “I told you my dark story. I think I need to know yours.”
He clenched his jaw and pressed his lips together, taking a long breath through his nose. His shoulders relaxed and he started talking. “I met Mallory during a rodeo down in Texas. She was a rodeo princess. Sparkly, shiny, and she charmed every person she met, including me. Apparently, she had her sights set on finding herself a cattleman. And that so happened to be me. I think she put it together that I was Remington Wilde’s oldest grandson, even though I didn't work on the Wilde Horse Ranch.”
“But your grandfather’s place . . .”
“I know you've never seen it, but Quinn Ranch is small. It's a family-owned operation. We work hard and do our very best to provide Texas with some of the best beef in the state. My granddaddy doesn’t want it to become a big corporate operation. The cattle ranch has been in the Quinn family for five generations, and it's never left the family.”
“So, she figured out you were Remington Wilde’s grandson, and then she what, seduced you?”
He shook his head. “Well, I didn't know that at the time. But, yeah, she dazzled me. And she made me feel like I was the most important person in her whole world. I think they call it a love bombing, maybe? She just . . . smothered me with praise and love and affection and made me think that there was nothing more in this world that she wanted but me.” Sighing, I could see him force some dark feelings aside. “I believed her. And until my dad called me up to come to the ranch and I told her I wanted nothing to do with the Wilde family, we were happy. The moment she found out I had turned down every single dollar my dad had offered me, everything changed. She didn’t like that I had no plan to take any of it—ever. I wanted to live my life on Quinn Ranch and take care of it. I never wanted to acknowledge what we had in Sunrise because I was happy in Texas with her.”
“How'd that go over?”
Sadness flickered in his eyes. “Not great. She was so angry that I didn't want to take anything from my grandfather's legacy, that I wouldn't take advantage of the offers coming in for reality shows. With the success of Saddle Up, the Ryker's brought Sunrise into the TVs of millions of Americans. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to capitalize on my name.”
I slid my palm over his knee, giving him the reassurance that he was safe here as he told me his story.
“The whole reason she was with me was so she could get her pretty little ass on a reality show and in front of a camera. She’d been communicating with one of the producers of Saddle Up and promising them she would get a Wilde on their show. I was done. I was broken. And I realized that my gut had been telling me all along not to trust her. I knew there was something about her that wasn't right. So I broke it off, I moved up to Sunrise, and instead of letting it all go, I ended up more entrenched in it than I’ve ever been. And now I'm close with my brothers again and trying to figure it all out.”
“But you're still thinking you want to leave?”
“I’m thinking I don't know what I should do. I'm thinking I've got to figure out what I'm going to tell my granddad. Because I don't want to leave you. My brothers would be fine without me. I could come visit. They were fine when I was living in Texas. But I don't know if I'll be fine without you, Clara. That's what my gut’s telling me.”
I swallowed, my hands shaking, my heart fluttering. “And your gut is telling you it's me you should stay with?”
“You. Yes, you and the baby we make.”
“Really? I don't want to make it seem like I don't trust you, but—”
“You don't trust me. I haven't given you a reason to trust me. All I've done is live up to our reputation as cowboys here.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, at least I thought so. But I think maybe the perception of the Wilde boys in Sunrise is wrong. You're not a player. You’re just a really good man. And you've had a tough time.”
“And you’re the only one who sees me for who I am. Don't cut me loose. Please give me a chance.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?”