“Are you going to give him another chance? Give him the benefit of the doubt? I mean, keeping your relationship under wraps had to be hard for him if he was this jealous about Ben.”
“I want to. I just . . . need a little space. I have to think about what our future looks like because he pretty much closed the door on us in front of the whole town.”
“Why do they always have to go and fuck things up?”
My lower lip trembled. “I don’t know. I think maybe I’m the one who fucked up this time.”
Her mouth pressed into a thin line. “Don’t you dare say that. You were trying to set things up for your future. A future that hopefully includes visits to your sisters in Seattle since your cowboy owns the Cyclones. You two need to talk. That’s all. Don’t give up on your baby daddy. He’s a little broken, but so are you.”
“Thanks, Becs. I’m sorry it’s been so long since we talked.”
She shrugged. “We’re notoriously bad communicators in the Barnes family.”
“Case in point.”
“Just don’t forget I’m here, okay? So is Scarlett. You can reach out whenever you want. One of us will be there to hold your hand.”
“Thank you.”
“Love you, C.”
“You too, B.”
After hanging up, I stared at the voicemail looming in my notifications but avoided it. I wasn’t ready to hear Mav’s voice. Not yet. Instead, I grabbed a paperback from the bookshelf. A comfort read, one of my favorite books that I reread yearly, and I started on a journey outside of my own world. I needed an escape to somewhere magic and mysteries took over. I didn't want to think about anything else.
Tomorrow, I would talk to Maverick. We’d work things out, and I'd explain to him exactly what had been happening. That I hadn't been trying to hurt him, and I'd been thinking about our future.
I didn’t get two pages in before I fell asleep in the chair, fitful dreams of Mav walking in and the two of us falling into bed together taking over. I woke up at two in the morning, a crick in my neck and needing to pee. That was one thing pregnancy blogs did not lie about. I had to pee all the time. I was also surprisingly horny, which was something Mav really enjoyed.
My heart lurched as I thought of him . . . again, and this time, I didn't push aside the blinking on my phone that alerted me to the waiting voicemail. Guilt hit me hard because I had ignored him, and he left me a message anyway. I didn't let myself read the transcript of the voicemail. Something in me just couldn't wait until morning.
His rich, warm voice was everything I needed, and it made my belly flip as my lips twitched into a grin. I always smiled when it was Mav simply because he made me happy.
God, what was wrong with me? Why was I fighting something so incredibly good? Because there was no denying what Mav and I had was so, so good. But then he began speaking, and the absolute ache in his voice had my breath catching in my throat.
“Hey, Clara . . . I was hoping to catch you. I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet. I had a lot of thinking to do after…everything. Sutton picked me up from the Sheriff’s office that night and believe me, I will never hear the end of it. I’m”—he paused to swallow— “I’m leaving. As soon as possible. Heading back to Texas. This isn't gonna work. I'm not good for you, not cut out for a life like this. I can't be a dad. I don't know what I was thinking, I'm a fucking disaster, and you and that kid deserve something better. You deserve a guy like Ben. Because that guy, he'll stick around. He won't go apeshit when things go south. He won’t end up in jail with a drunk and disorderly charge hanging over his head.”
My gut churned at the long ragged breath he took before continuing.
“I want to love you, but I can’t, because I don't think I know how. And you deserve more than somebody who wants to love you. You deserve somebody who will, and try as I fuckin might, that is not me. I know myself. I’ll leave you one day. Even though I say I won't abandon you and the baby. And then you'll hate me forever. And you need someone stronger than me, someone less selfish.”
The tremor in his words had hot tears burning my eyes.
“I’m so fucking sorry, because I know that this message . . . It's gonna hurt. And I know I convinced you to give us a chance when your instinct said not to. Just know I'm never gonna forgive myself for doing this to you, and that not a goddamn day is gonna go by where I don't think about what I let myself lose by walking away from you. Because that's exactly what's happening. I'm walking away, and you're gonna go on and live your life like you should.”
He let out a shaky breath and cursed quietly.
“Take care of yourself and the baby we made. She's gonna be so pretty. Just like her mama and so fucking smart. I hope she gets everything good from you. Because, darlin’, you've got so much good to give. Goodbye.”
By the time the message ended, uncontrollable tears rolled down my cheeks. The pain in my heart was overwhelming. I let his words wash over me, panic clutching at me, terrifying and strong. Then I made a decision.
I would not let him ruin everything we had because he made one mistake. Maverick was a runner, but only as a result of everything he never learned about love.
Shivering in the cold weather, I went outside in my yoga pants and baggy shirt, a heavy jacket in one hand and my keys in the other. The ground was already covered in a thin layer of ice from the freezing temperatures, but I didn’t care. I had to get to him before he left, regardless of what time it was. I had to get to him and make him see he was making the biggest mistake of his entire life by running from us, by making a decision for me instead of with me.
My vision was blurry with tears as I drove down the long road that led to Wilde Horse Ranch property. More than once on the drive, I thanked my lucky stars Mav insisted I get new snow tires. I don't know if I would have been able to navigate the slippery roads without them.
There was light on in his house, his truck still in the driveway. I wasn’t too late. When I got out, I took a long, steadying breath. I had no idea what I was going to say to this man other than ‘Stop being a fucking idiot.’ Heart pounding, I knocked on the door and when nobody answered, I rang the bell over and over until finally, the sound of footsteps on the stairs hit my ears. The door swung open, and I started in on him instantly.
“You don't just get to leave me. Not after you made me fall in love with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don't accept.”
His face was filled with pain and sadness as I shivered, standing there with my heart in my hands, begging him not to reject me.
“Darlin’—”
“Would you please just let me in the fucking house so we can talk about this before I freeze my tits off?”
A little quirk of his lips on one side gave me hope. “Wouldn’t want you to lose those. They are some of my favorites.”
“Your only favorites.”
“Correct.”
“Just like I am your only favorite.”
He let me inside, helping me with my coat but not touching me. He was being so cautious. Fuck that.
“So I see you got my message,” he stated, and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes.