“Yeah. You mean your breakup voicemail? The one where you abandoned me because you can't deal with the fact that you were jealous and made a stupid decision?”
He swallowed. “I'm not a good—”
“You are. You are the best man. I know your dad was a real asshole, okay? We all know it. Everyone in Sunrise is surprised that his sons turned out to be such great guys. That doesn't make you any less worthy of love.”
“Fuck, Clara,” he said, his voice shaking, his eyes shining with tears. “He thought he was a good man too. He thought he loved my mama. He thought he loved each of his wives. And instead, what did he do? He cheated on them. Rather than abandon them, he ruined their lives.”
“The difference is, he thought he loved them and never once stopped to consider his actions. You know you love me, which is why you stopped. Why you freaked out and want to run. Because you won't let yourself be him. You won't even give yourself a chance to be you.”
“Clara . . . I don't want to hurt you. I ended up in jail.”
“Yeah. Was it the first time?”
“No.”
“Is it going to be the last time?”
“Fuck yes.”
“Ben’s fine, by the way.”
“Don’t talk to me about Ben,” he grumbled.
“Why?”
“I'm fucking jealous. You were with him, and you didn't even tell me. And then the goddamn church lady and her goddamn assumptions about how you and Ben made a great goddamn couple, telling me you two should be together. Poor Clara doesn't have a man, and I'm sitting right fucking there. It hurt. It doesn't excuse my actions, but seeing you with him, happy and smiling . . . It broke something inside me. But then to have her out there telling me what you needed when I was giving it all to you already. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to deal with it. I just wanted to numb the pain and leave.” His jaw clenched as he stared past me, gathering his thoughts, maybe. “He touched you, and you smiled, and you looked so happy. You looked like he had just given you the entire world. And I've never doubted how you felt about me until just then. Even when you didn't want to tell people. I was fine because I knew I had you.”
My heart cracked at the pain in his voice. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.”
“You didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. It was me. It was me wanting to keep this a secret. It was me not telling you I was going to be talking with him. If we'd been up front, told people we were having a baby, you would never have felt like I didn't want you or I was ashamed. The truth is, I asked Ben to go to dinner because I want to make some changes.”
“What kind of changes?”
“Well, first of all, I don’t want to live at the vet clinic anymore.”
“You don’t?”
“No. All those stairs just to get into the house? I’m gonna be carting around a baby, baby carrier, all kinds of things. And you know sometimes it's real noisy when we've got animals staying overnight. People stop by for emergencies and wake me up. It's not a good place to be raising a family.”
He finally touched me then, his palm gliding along the small of my back. “So, what was your plan?”
“I asked Ben if he wanted to stay for good. And he accepted.”
“I don't see how that changes your situation.”
“He's gonna live in the apartment.”
“Not with you.”
“No, not with me. What do you think this is, college?”
“So he's staying?”
“Yes. And he's taking over fifty percent ownership of the practice so I can work less.”
“Where are you gonna live?”
Nervous energy unfurled in my belly. “I hoped I could stay with you.”
“You want to move in?”
“Yeah, I do. You offered. Remember?”
He grinned, but his eyes were still hesitant and worried. “What if . . . what if I fuck up again? What if I do something wrong and mess up our kid’s life? I don't want to leave her feeling the way my dad left me, Luke, Sutton. Fuck, Killian’s a disaster.”
“You're not going to. I don't know why you can't see what an amazing dad you're going to be. I've seen you with your nephew. I've seen you with all the Ryker kids. Don't think I didn't know about that little daddy boot camp you've been doing with Tristan, Clint, Travis, and Buck.”
“Yeah, I was trying to keep that a secret.”
“You failed. Carly Langston ratted you out the other day at the bakery. She seemed to already know you're my baby daddy, by the way.”
“What? How'd she know? She's five.”
“Five-year-olds are very intuitive. Something you will have to keep in mind when you have your very own.”
“Do you think . . . Can you forgive me for flying off the handle and embarrassing you in front of everybody?”
“Maverick, I was never mad at you, not about that. Now, about the breakup voicemail and two weeks of silence. . . I’m still upset about that.”
“I couldn’t look at you and see the shame in your eyes. I just knew if I didn't do it over voicemail, I wouldn't have the guts to get it out.”
“Did you ever stop to think that was your intuition telling you it was the wrong decision? Your gut knows better than your head sometimes.”
“Following my gut has gotten me in trouble more times than I can count.”
“Well, I didn't say your gut was always right, but when it's about us, what has your gut been telling you all along?”
“Darlin’, my gut’s been telling me to kiss you and make you mine since the first day we met.”
“And look at all the time you've wasted ignoring it. We could have been living our happily ever after for two years already.”
“You really want this? Me? Even though I'm a shit show?”
“You're not a shit show. And yes, I do. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything.”
“I love you, Clara Barnes. Thank you for not letting me give up on us.”
“I love you too.”
“And I love this baby we made. And I love the life we're gonna live together. But you've got to promise me something.”
“Anything. You name it. You got it.”
“I need you to promise me that if you ever have doubts, you'll talk to me about them first before you let your worries run away with you. I'm new at this too. I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than a few months. I've certainly never had anyone I wanted to live out my forever with. So I need you to tell me, okay?”
“Okay.” I let out a huge yawn, the adrenaline from the day finally wearing off. “Only if you do the same for me.”
“I promise.” He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. His lips were soft and tender, his touch gentle. “I made you cry.”
“Well, to be fair, I am pregnant, and everything makes me cry these days.”
“Not me. I don't make you cry. I should never make you cry. I should only make you happy.”
“You do make me happy. You made me so happy.” He wrapped me tight, holding me as he continued layering soft kisses along my neck.