“That’s not—”
“He’s not pretending, babe,” Kate says, voice low.
I ignore that.
I can’t handle that, to be honest.
Instead, I continue to tell them about our trip.
“So we left Florida, and we’re stopped in Maryland, and he told me to go get a dress that he’ll think about taking off of me all night.”
Luna goes a bit green, but then again, maybe she just goes pale.
But then her eyes go wide.
“No fucking way,” she says in a whisper.
I’ve known this woman my entire life, and I know that face.
Something clicked in her mind.
“What?” I ask, confused and a bit terrified.
“No fucking way, Zoe. He’s not . . . but he is.” She stands and starts pacing. “But he so is. Dancing, star gazing, the dress . . .”
“I don’t . . .” I watch as my best friend shakes her head and moves, leaning into the screen and staring at me.
Everyone else on the call looks just as confused as I do.
“Zo. You gotta do it. You gotta just roll with it. Let him do whatever he’s doing.”
“I don’t . . . I don’t know if I can.”
“Why?”
“Because… Because it’s terrifying. Because there’s too much on the line. Our families are friends, and god forbid this goes bad, that’s all messed up. And I have that interview and it’s… It’s not smart. It’s not safe.”
“What has living safe gotten you?” she asks, her eyes soft.
I know what she’s going to say, and I can’t handle it
“Luna—”
“Zoe, when was the last time you did something for yourself?”
That’s Sadie.
“I—”
“When was the last time you made a decision that benefitted you?” she asks again.
“I don’t—”
“We can talk about this when you get home, but I need someone to help with Rise and Grind.” Rise and Grind is Sadie’s coffee and coworking business she started five or so years ago. Kate, who also works there, turns to give her a hilarious what? look.
She shakes her head.
“I need it redesigned. I was going to hire a firm to do it, but then you came home, and it felt like a sign.”
My heart stops beating.
“You were always so good at that,” Hannah says.
“You pretty much helped me decorate the entire bar,” Luna says.
“And my house,” Jordan says. “Somehow, you made me a girly cave that even Tanner is happy to be in,” she says of her overly masculine construction worker fiancé.
“It’s what you wanted to do,” Luna says, her eyes wide and soft.
They don’t fill in the silence I create by not answering, instead waiting for me to say something.
“It’s not realistic.” I continue picking at the muffin but not eating.
The turn of conversation has my appetite gone.
“Says who?”
I laugh. “Says the world. Marketing is respectable.”
Sadie scoffs. “Jesus, listen to yourself, Zoe! Respectable. Is that what you want?”
“Is that so bad??”
“Is that route respecting your own hopes and dreams?” Hannah asks, and that one hits in a way I think I could have brushed off one, two weeks ago.
Silence.
Hannah has always been wise beyond her years, and this is another example of it.
“Look, I see the panic,” Luna says. “Don’t overthink this just yet. Keep it in mind. Just . . . enjoy tonight. This is the last night. Go get a pretty dress. Make Zee pay for it. Go get your nails done a pretty color.”
“I have an interview tomorrow,” I say, my voice low and sad even to myself.
“If you interview at a place that won’t hire you because you have color on your nails, Zoe, you’re too good for that job.”
Fair enough.
And strangely, after this conversation, I feel a bit better.
Like the panicked weight that was sitting on my chest is gone.
This past week has been such a whirlwind, and without speaking with my friends to give me validation and clarity, it’s been . . . confusing.
Freeing but also baffling.
And now, I’m still confused, but I think . . . I think there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.
“I love you guys,” I say.
“Oh fuck, she’s really a new person, sappy Zoe,” Sadie says with a smile.
“Fuck off.”
“Go buy a dress, Zoe,” Hannah says.
“And send us pictures!” Jordan says, clapping her hands.
And then, after telling them all thank you and promising to send my top contenders for a dress to them for final review, I sign off and head to the boutique.
THIRTY-EIGHT
THAT’S WHEN
-ZOE-
“You got it?” Zee asks as I hop in the car.
I’m high on life and the idea of even a shred of a future that could maybe, possibly include Zander and me.
“A dress you’ll want to take off me has, in fact, been acquired,” I say, but then my mind travels into overthinker territory, wondering if maybe that’s a bit too forward.
I mean, what if the dress is actually hideous?
The girls all voted on this one, with Sadie actually threatening to drive down here and kick my ass if I didn’t buy it.
She’s kind of insane, and I’m pretty sure there’s a chance she’d actually do it if I didn’t buy it.
“Stop. You could wear a goddamn tee shirt to your ankles and I’d want to take it off you.”
How does he do that? See where I’m overthinking and counteract it so easily?
I shake my head and smile at him.
“I even got my nails done,” I say, wiggling my fingers at him. I went out of my normal comfort zone and got them painted pink. “Not my normal color—I’m more of a nudes kind of girl—but it feels . . . fun.” I stare at them, liking the pink but also a hint self-conscious. “It doesn’t feel very me though. I’m not a fun pink girlie.”
“You are fun, Zo,” he says, his brows furrowed.
“Not really. I’m kind of predictable. Boring.”
“Maybe the new, contrived version is. But you? You’re fun.” There’s a pause as he looks me over. “But they look pretty, pip.” He smiles at me, and I just know he’s going in for the kill.
I was right, of course.
“Can’t wait to see how they look when you’re playing with your pussy for me tonight.”
“Zander Davidson!” I say, slapping his arm.
But as he drives off, I can’t fight the smile.
And, of course, the tingle.
“You talked to Lune?” Zander asks as we head toward the hotel.
My gut drops.
“What?”
“You called Luna while you were out, right?”
“I don’t . . . How . . .”
“She called me freaking out over something. Then Tony called me.” I look at him, confusion fully taking over now.
“Why would they call you?” My brow is furrowed, and Zee just smiles at me.