The Do-Over(44)
Author: Suzanne Park
“Wait!” Jake was still in his towel, salt-and-pepper hair glistening, with water droplets trickling down his chest. Damn, I needed to get out of here before I outright lost my mind.
I grabbed my bag and headed toward the door. “I’ll see you around.” Platonically.
Jake took hold of my arm and tugged gently. “Okay, please don’t forget to drop the class. They’re strict about that and appeals after the final drop date rarely get approved. I don’t want you to get penalized again.”
Right. The CS class. I’d almost forgotten. All the points Mia had made about why I should keep the class migrated from the back of my mind to the front. She was right. In Fundamentals of Code I was learning something new. The coursework and lectures were interesting, challenging, and rewarding. And getting an interview for that coveted internship at a company rated “Best Place to Work” by Forbes and Time, that would be a solid bonus. If Jake and I were finished with . . . whatever this was between us . . . maybe this college do-over would prove to be worth the time and effort if I stuck with computer science.
My mind was made up. And the looming deadline helped propel me into action.
“I’m keeping the CS class.”
Jake’s eyes opened wide. “You what?”
My chest swelled with conviction. “I’m keeping the class. I’m going to do my best, study hard, try to ace the exam, and then see what happens with that internship.”
He frowned. “And what about us?” His downturned lips looked sadder than I’d ever seen them before.
Well, that really was the million-dollar question. Did I wish things were less complicated and I could ravage him right now, with no strings attached, yanking off his towel and pretending I was a sexy matador? Yes. But that wasn’t how the real world worked, and I had to think about what was best for me. “Truthfully, I don’t know. But for now, we’re back to the way it was just a few days ago, TA and student. Back to boundaries.” I took a step back to symbolically show that I would practice what I preached. No more special closed-door office hours. No more spending the night. None of that anymore.
Jake walked me to the front door, and spoke once he’d unlocked the dead bolts. “Good luck with exams. And let me know if you need anything. I’ve been pretty busy lately so you might not see me around as much, but maybe it’s for the better, so we can focus on what’s important.”
I nodded. It hurt my heart to say goodbye after we’d had a few days of carefree fun, but it was time to get back to reality. “Bye, Jake.”
He looked at the floor. “I hope to see you around. And I hope you get the internship.”
The porch lights flicked on as he closed the door, and a movement at the window caused me to turn my head. It was Jake’s dog and cat, peering at me through the long cream-colored drapes. I waved at them, offering them a sad smile, then scampered down the steps.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The CS midterm and the O’Hara author event fell on the same day. As soon as I finished my exam in the morning, I jumped into Mia’s car so we could book it straight to New York City to make it to the evening book launch. To add literal sprinkles to my shit sundae, it started raining, which made visibility nearly impossible thanks to the half-speed windshield wipers on Mia’s million-year-old Mazda. Our total drive time shot up an entire hour.
“I have to pee,” she exclaimed as I threw my belongings into the back seat.
“Are you serious? You didn’t go when you were in our apartment?” Mia had spent a lot of time at our place lately, so much in fact that she was now practically living with Beth and me. It was weird going back to the city now: I’d gotten used to a slower-paced, sheltered college-town life. And Mia had gotten used to living with us rent-free and eating Beth’s unlimited pecan bars.
She shook her head. “It just hit me on the drive here. Stay in the car and keep the engine running if you’re cold. I’ll go in one of the engineering buildings, where there will be plenty of ladies’ room stalls open.”
I pulled down the sun visor to see the damage I’d caused from pulling an all-nighter. On most days, I looked and felt youthful enough to blend reasonably well into the university population, but not at that moment. A hollow-eyed, sallow-skinned, baggy-eyed version of me stared back, the natural light enhancing and highlighting my poor makeup concealment. For me to look fresh and at the top of my game for the evening event, I would need to take a nap in the car and pray that the restorative power of sleep could help repair my fixer-upper face.
Mia jumped back into the driver’s seat and threw a bag of chips at me. “Found a vending machine. I assumed you had water already since you carry around that two-liter bottle of yours all the time.”
I looked down at my XL Hydro Flask. “First of all, it was on sale at the bookstore. And second, I save money by not buying bottled water anymore.”
She harrumphed and put her Diet Coke in the circular drink console. While fiddling with the sound system she asked, “How was the exam? Did you ace it?”
I answered her with what my therapist had helped me to say. “I did the best I could do within my abilities and within my control,” adding, “My nerves hit pretty hard when I read exam problems about interfaces in Java. But then I really hit my groove.”
She looked at me. “That’s the nerdiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. But it sounds awesome.” Mia turned her attention back to the road, thumping her fingers on the steering wheel as she set the cruise control. “I’m proud of you, girl.”
“Thanks! If it’s okay with you, I might need to conk out for the rest of the trip. I’m exhausted.”
“No problem. I have just the thing to put you to sleep.” She switched the media mode to audiobook and hit play. As I reclined to a better resting position, I heard an annoying, haughty voice come over the speakers.
“Chapter One. Being Born into the O’Hara Legacy.” It was Cameron O’Hara, narrating the You Go, Girl! book. I bolted up from my seat and Mia burst into laughter.
“I downloaded a sample chapter from the publisher’s website kinda as a joke, but shit, I didn’t know he narrated it. Isn’t it a female empowerment book? Why isn’t Mary narrating if they wanted an O’Hara? It’s such a bad look.”
It was. And an interesting potential question for the event, especially if Cam pissed me off and I was feeling punchy. I had skimmed the advance copy of You Go, Girl!, and it was clear that there wasn’t anything insightful or groundbreaking that made the book stand out from the other preceding female-focused business books on the shelves. Many of the points in the book were also in Lean In, How Women Rise, and even in my How to Be a Work Supernova. Men already dominated the nonfiction business book market—did we really need them narrating women empowerment business books too?