Serenity’s eyes were sympathetic. “Everyone screws up—”
“Not like this,” Reagan broke in. She wasn’t willing to accept such an easy excuse. “There are enough regular setbacks in life, setbacks you can’t avoid. I’m furious at myself for causing my own downfall.”
“Downfall?” Serenity echoed. “Isn’t that a little...extreme?”
“Hardly. I can’t continue to work with Drew. I’ll have to quit my job, and I love what I do. Love where I work.” She’d had her eye on achieving partner from the beginning, and she was so close! She didn’t want to start over. It was much harder for a woman to climb that corporate ladder than a man. She’d had to do a great deal more to prove herself.
She shook her head in disgust as she remembered some of the partners in the agency mentioning how detrimental it would be if she were to get married, because she might lose her focus. Or, God forbid, have a baby, which would require the death sentence of maternity leave.
“You might find something even better,” Serenity said.
It was hard to be optimistic, given the situation, but she made herself say, “Maybe. I just wish I’d been smarter.”
As she shoved more pillows behind her back, she remembered Drew catching her hand as she started to walk out of his office. The next thing she knew, they were kissing and touching and, at some point, he kicked the door shut.
That had merely been a safety precaution, though. Everyone else had already left the building, except maybe a couple of accountants who worked on another floor.
If only those accountants had been closer, she and Drew would’ve had to stop...
“I should’ve quit my job as soon as I could tell he was beginning to have feelings for me—and that I reciprocated them,” she went on. “I’d still have to start over at another firm, but at least my dignity would be intact. And my reputation. I never dreamed we’d act on what we felt. He’s been a devoted family man ever since I met him. That’s partly what I love about him.”
“Does he feel as bad as you do?”
She thought of the many calls and texts she’d ignored. “I have no idea. I haven’t talked to him.”
“Since...”
“Since it happened,” she clarified.
Serenity sat forward. “Then this isn’t an ongoing affair?”
“No. It’s brand-new. I haven’t been back to work since.”
“Does his wife know?”
Reagan pictured Sally, whom she’d met along with their three boys, seven, nine and twelve, at various work functions. Had Drew gone straight home and confessed? Or was he keeping it from Sally until he could discuss it with Reagan?
And what about his other associates—her associates, too? Had they guessed what was going on?
“Who can say? Like I said, I haven’t talked to him.”
Serenity raised her eyebrows. “Wow.”
Letting her head fall back, Reagan stared up at the ceiling. “I was too confident, you know?” she said, looking at Serenity again. “I believed I had the self-control to avoid going that far. And then...”
When she let her words fade away, Serenity finished for her. “And then you made a mistake. It happened, and you can’t take it back. But punishing yourself by going hungry won’t help.”
Reagan frowned at the soup and bread. “I’m not punishing myself. I have no appetite.”
“Well, you’re already the skinniest one of the three of us, and we don’t like that, so we’ve both decided you must eat.”
Reagan couldn’t even make herself laugh. But when Serenity got up to retrieve the tray and place it on her lap, she picked up the spoon.
Serenity sat back down on the bed. “How do you like the room?”
“It’s great. The whole cabin is.”
“Wait until you see the lake.”
“Believe me, I’m anxious for this storm to pass so that I can.” She took a bite, found the soup much tastier than it looked and realized she was hungry, after all. She ate half of it before she asked, “Where’s Lorelei?”
“Putting Lucy to bed.”
She tore off a piece of the roll and crammed it in her mouth, so depressed she didn’t care about her manners. “Can you believe her best friend is pregnant with her husband’s child?” she asked as she chewed.
“I can’t. An affair is bad enough. You have to wonder—how did the two of them let something like that happen?”
Reagan had no idea. A baby made everything so much worse. It affected the future, not just the past, making it that much harder for Lorelei to forgive and forget. Harder for her to stay in the marriage, too. A child was a lifetime commitment. In nine months or less, she’d have a constant reminder of her husband’s philandering.
Reagan opened her mouth to say as much—then nearly choked on the bread she was trying to swallow as a memory flashed through her mind. She and Drew hadn’t used any birth control. She’d been so busy the past few months she hadn’t been sexually active, so she wasn’t on the pill. And he was married. It wasn’t as if he was walking around with a condom in his pocket.
A curious expression came over Serenity’s face. “What is it?”
Surely she wasn’t—
Reagan tried to cut off the thought before she could fully think it. She’d been so worried about all the other ramifications of what she’d done that she hadn’t even considered this one. But now the possibility had burst onto the stage of her mind, and she couldn’t chase it away, no matter how hard she tried.
And that put the fear of God in her.
Somehow she managed to finish swallowing before pushing aside the tray. “That was good, but I’ve had enough.”
“Are you okay?” Serenity’s voice was filled with concern.
The chance of pregnancy had to be slight. They’d had only one encounter, and Drew had pulled out.
“I—I’m fine,” she replied, but she could barely force out those two words, and the food she’d eaten sat heavy on her stomach. The situation with Lorelei and Francine proved that the worst could happen.
And she had to acknowledge that it could happen to her.
7
lorelei
THE FAMILIAR NIGHTMARE woke Lorelei, the one where she was lost and wandering around in the dark on a cold, rainy street she didn’t recognize. She couldn’t find a single thing that looked familiar, no one she knew or trusted. Figures seemed to skulk in the shadows, following her, and yet, when she turned around, there was no one there. Her surroundings, those strange people—everything—felt menacing, but she couldn’t say exactly why, couldn’t identify the danger.