“I just need some time.” His voice was muffled under his hands.
“By yourself?” The sound of my voice was small and injured. “Or . . . or with me?”
The falling rain filled the silence. I don’t know how much time passed, but it seemed like forever.
“Without you,” he finally answered. His red eyes took me in. “Just for a little while.”
I shook my head and stood. I cleared my throat, which was thick with emotion.
He blinked rapidly. “I’m so sorry, Kara. I wish I could make myself feel better. I wish I were normal.”
“You just need to let yourself heal and figure out what you want. And I love you enough to let you go.”
CHAPTER 11
Wine and Cookies—Nikki
“Isn’t this supposed to be a send-off? A farewell party?” Hands on my hips, I looked at my sad-ass friends, looking like ambassadors for the Mary J. Blige my-man-did-me-wrong club. Earlier tonight, we’d all caught up on our man troubles, myself included.
Raina blew into her noisemaker and twirled her hand in the air. Kara shrugged, while rocking herself. Sienna, surprisingly, was the only peppy one in the group. She had taken her broken engagement in stride. I suspected a certain campaign manager was giving it to her on the regular, but she’d claimed she was on a man-free diet.
Bending over, I smacked the wobbly table in front of me, determined to grab their attention and break up the pity party. “C’mon, ladies! I’m leaving in two days, and I need to have some fun! I ditched my family for you.” I poked out my bottom lip, attempting to look cute and pitiful like Bria often did. Apparently, it wasn’t working for me, based on the eye rolls and dismissive waved hands.
Tonight was supposed to be a fun girls’ night in. Sienna had volunteered her new place, an apartment in the historic West End, and we had claimed the community rooftop.
“You’re right. Let me get out of my feelings.” Raina rotated her head and shook out her hands as if she were about to dive into a pool. “I don’t need Cam,” she said, voice shaky. “I’ll be just fine.”
Not without help. “You know what? I was gonna wait till later, but I think we all need this now.” I reached into my bag and yanked out a Ziploc bag containing my special-made treats. “Cookies!”
Sienna crossed her legs and leaned closer, inspecting my bag. “What kind of cookies?” she asked in her trademark cross-examination voice.
“Only the best kind.”
“What. Kind?”
“Chocolate chip.”
“And?” She arched a brow.
“Herbs. Of the green variety.”
Sienna gave me a wide-eyed look. “Jesus, Nik. You’re gonna get me kicked out of my apartment. I’ve only been here a few months.”
“No you won’t. And it’s not like we’re smoking a blunt. We could all use a cookie.”
“I’ll take a cookie.” Kara’s alto voice broke the stare-off between Sienna and me.
“What?” Sienna snapped her head toward Kara.
“I’ll take a cookie. And wine, please.” Kara cleared her throat. “The Cabernet Sauvignon.”
“Fuck yeah!” I pulled out a stack of plastic plates. “You deserve two cookies after what you’ve been through.”
Kara smiled, took the plate, and then took a large bite of the cookie.
“Slow down there, champ. This is a marathon, not a sprint.” I shook my bag of cookies. “Raina?”
“Girl, you don’t have to ask me twice. But I’ll take just one. I’ve gotta get up and write tomorrow morning. I need this book advance so I can get out of my ma’s house ASAP.”
“You can stay with me.” Kara chimed in, still munching on her cookie. “I’ve got a spare bedroom, and besides, Darren is moving out in a week or so.” Kara’s voice lowered to a pathetic whisper.
Too bad the weed didn’t work fast enough to alter Kara’s mood. “C’mon, chronic.”
“What?” Kara asked.
“Nothing.” I wasn’t supposed to say that aloud.
Raina rolled her eyes, most likely on the same crazy wavelength as me. “Kara, I will happily take you up on your offer. I appreciate Ma’s help, but I’m tired of her asking me about Cam.”
Sienna sighed. “I’ll have one, too.” She reached out her hand.
I decided not to give her shit and gave her a cookie instead.
“Turn up the music, girl!” Raina yelled to Sienna.
“Any requests?” Sienna asked, digging into her carryall bag for her portable speakers.
“‘Hotel California’!” I yelled, breaking off a small piece of the cookie. Although I was ready to party, I had a long day tomorrow, and I wanted to have my head screwed on straight for the last night with my hubby and babies.
“No, ma’am.” Sienna shook her head. “We need Ms. Badu.”
I shrugged, popping a piece of cookie in my mouth and then swallowed. “I can get down to some Erykah.”
After a few songs, everyone was feeling loose. “On and on and on and on . . .” Raina and I danced and sang to each other. Kara, with a silly smile on her face, shimmied in her seat.
Raina slapped my shoulder with the back of her hand. “Look at Sienna’s high ass.”
A bubble of giggles rose in my throat when I saw Sienna, patting her hands against her chest and slow winding in a circle.
“Here goes the African princess, he-heeeee!” Kara slurred from her seat.
This time I full on laughed. Whenever Sienna got drunk or high, she’d get super in touch with her African roots. The second-generation citizen hadn’t set foot on the Motherland.
“Both of them are high AF,” Raina snorted.
“I’m not high AF, I’m high as fuuuuuck!” Kara twirled a hand in the air and then studied it for a full minute, as if it were a sculpture at an art museum.
“Slang lesson, Kara,” Raina yelled as if she were at a football game. “‘High AF’ means ‘high as fuck.’”
“Oh. Then you’re right!”
It could be argued that all three of them were high AF.
Raina stumble-walked to her seat. She slapped her thigh. “We gotta start. It’s time for the mind meeting. Meeting of the minds.” She snapped her fingers. “No, that’s not it.”
“Meetings of the masters!” Sienna yelled, still dancing in the corner.
“Mastermind meeting,” I supplied. “Damn, y’all can’t hold your liquor or your high.”
Raina rolled her eyes. “Whatever the hell. You know what I meant. Anyway, let’s do it.” Raina slapped her leg again, as if her hand were the gavel in the courtroom. “I’ll go first.” She drew a deep breath. “So, fuck Cameron Jeffries with his three-point-five-kids, having me chained to a stove, barefoot, breastfeeding a little crumb snatcher ass.”
Well, damn. “Um, I’ll try not to get offended by your lack of enthusiasm for motherhood.”
“Girl, you’re a cool mom. You’re going on tour with your ex while your husband takes care of your kids. Winning!” She raised her hand for a high five. The guilt that warred at me before turned on full blast.