Then he's rolling us over and I'm under him again and all I can think about is getting us closer, skin to skin. He takes my wrists in his hands and holds them down as he kisses the sides of my neck and the hollow right behind my ear. I can't help but seek more, like an attention-starved cat.
He rolls us again and I'm back on top. I sit up and it has the most delicious effect of pushing me further down on him. I moan as I grab the bottom of my shirt and yank it over my head. His hands are right there waiting for my breasts to spill into the palms of his hands. His hands are all over, rubbing, squeezing and plucking. I have to take a second to calm down and refocus back on him and making him feel good.
I just want to arch into him and purr. One of his hands runs down my stomach and starts rubbing me through my silk sleep shorts. I don't understand how he can tell, but he always zeros in on the exact spot my clit is and starts strumming and stroking it while his other hand is still on one of my breasts doing the same to it. I'm not sure if the temperature has actually gone up in the room or if I'm the thing that's going to burst into flames if he can't put this fire out. I am completely lost to any kind of sense.
I don't want to think. I don't want to have to worry. I don't want to stop. My hips rock back and forth in fast thrusts trying to chase my release. Ivan mumbles something when my hands drop down to unbutton his pants but I'm not listening. All I can hear is the drum of blood in my ears and the insatiable need to have Ivan make me cum. My movements have sped up and I can feel it build in me.
"Oh God, Ivan. Oh God, make me cum. Make me cum!" he takes my hips and helps me rock now, him finding a much smoother and satisfying rhythm than I could. Every time I go forward he raises up to meet me so that his hips are perfectly positioned to rub my pussy at all times. I can't hold back any longer, my body shattering and I lose all muscle control and slump forward on him to rest.
We didn't even take all of our clothes off. He rolls us once again and I look up into his beautiful ice blue eyes. His jeans are unbuttoned and halfway zipped so they hang off of him and show me that little vee at his hip bones that drives me crazy. I raise my hands to push them down further but he takes my hands and pulls them from his pants.
I'm not sure why we stopped but I don't think it's because of anything good. I let him know what I'm thinking with just a look.
"We have to slow down, Kitten. We have to stop."
His words are registering but they aren't making sense. I thought he wanted me like I want him. I yank my hands out of his and push up just a little on my elbows so I'm not completely vulnerable flat on my back.
"I don't understand."
"We have to stop. I can't sleep with you tonight." He says more but after the first two sentences, I stop listening. Nothing will dump the ice water on the mood like fucking Ivan. I phase back to hear him tell me, "I shouldn't even be in the same room with you. Not tonight."
Is this the man version of 'I have a headache'? What man turns down sex? Oh yeah someone who isn't sure they want it with the girl they're with. All the pretty words he told me were nothing more than lies to make me feel better and I fell for it. I look back up into his eyes, he's still going on and on about something but I'm so over Ivan's hot and cold shit.
Without even thinking I raise my legs and kick. He loses his balance and falls off the bed giving me time to go over the other side. I spend the time he takes getting up looking for my fucking shirt. I really don't want to have to walk out of this room with nothing covering my tits but my hands and good intentions.
"What the hell? You kicked me."
"How very observant of you." I can't find the damned thing and stop trying to look. I spot Ivan's, and Lord Moody is just going to have to sacrifice the shirt for the greater good.
"Why the hell did you kick me?"
"Oh gee, Ivan I don't know, it could have something to do with the fact that I'm sick to death of you telling me what I can and cannot do with my own body. If I wanted to fuck I would. OR maybe the fact that every time I find enough courage - enough self-esteem - to think that everything is going to be okay you pull something stupid like this and tell me you're going to sleep somewhere else. Why'd you even come the fuck back? Why not stay in D.C. and find a fuck there? Too close to home?"
"What the hell?"
"Stop saying what the hell," I mimic his accent in the most stereotypical way I can think of before going on, "like you have any place to ask questions after I came apart for you and you slam on some damned breaks that I don't even understand exist and tell me you don't want to sleep with me. I could go on, hell; I could go on all night long."
"It's not because I don't want you, Kitten." He looks all worried and concerned now where just a few minutes ago it was 'see ya, I've got to go find another room'.
"Bull shit. You don't want me, you just want to play with me and put me away."
"No baby, that's not it at all." He makes a move to come around the bed but the look I shot him has him pulling up short.
"Then what the hell is it, because I would really love to understand why you keep running away from me?"
"If I take my jeans off, it's over. No more waiting, no more..." he throws his hand up like he is just as fed up as I am, "stopping. I will have my dick so far in your tight little cunt it's a guarantee you'll be pregnant and I haven't made sure you'll be safe yet god damn it."
Well, that was a good way to stun me into silence.
"You told me at the motel you weren't on anything and a good girl like you; you wouldn't exactly be carrying around any of the other quick options for birth control. And I am not about to put something in between us, not the first time. Hell, maybe not ever. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it."
His words knock the air out of me. I turn my back on him and sit down on the edge of the bed. He's talking about a baby. With me.
"I can't go out and risk my life if you have my baby in you. I would be leaving it and you. I'd be leaving you with nothing, no support, no help, no father. I can't, Kitten. You can get mad and kick me all you want to but I won't leave you all alone. I have to kill this guy and do it fast so you and I can finally start having a life together."
I bring my hand up to my cheek and rub angrily at the escaped tears sliding down my face. They piss me off. I want to stay mad at him for a little longer.
"I just want to be with you. I don't want this to take something from us when you might not come back to me." My voice cracks on the last words and I can't turn away fast enough for him to not witness me ugly cry.
His arms are around me before I can even try to run. He pulls me to him and when I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat I feel safe and like everything is going to be okay.