I was the one who said nothing could happen.
I was the one who’d made that decision.
I answered my own question: I had no right to feel the way I did.
But that was the problem with feelings—they didn’t fucking care about your rights.
“I’m gonna go get the key,” I said, standing up.
I pushed my way back to the bar where Ava was serving someone. She finished up and caught my eye, motioning for me to follow her. She slipped out from behind the bar and guided me to the back where she pushed open a door marked with ‘Staff Only.’
I followed her inside and to a smaller room that was empty. There was a table and chairs and a sofa, and Ava’s purse was on the floor next to it with two others.
“How did you forget your keys?” she asked, picking hers up.
“Wasn’t thinking,” I lied. “Reagan said you had dinner with Butler.”
She froze but quickly shook it off. “What of it?”
“Really? That’s how you’re playing this?”
Ava looked up from searching inside the suitcase she called a purse and gave me a dark look. “Who I have dinner with is none of your business. Never has been, never will be. You made that abundantly clear.”
I sighed, looking away from her.
“Is that what this is?” She put the purse on the table. “You want to interrogate me about what I’m doing? You don’t want me, but nobody else can have me? Is that it?”
“Jesus Christ, have you listened to yourself? You had dinner with the guy to make some kind of stupid point. You don’t want to date him.”
She yanked her keys out of her purse with a jingle. “Have you heard yourself, Ethan? You sound like an idiot. You can’t make your mind up what you want. You can’t say what you said to me last night, then come in here like a fucking jealous ex. That’s not how it works. You don’t want to act on your feelings for me, then fine. But I told you last night: shut up.” She pulled the key from the ring and slapped it against my chest. “There’s the key you probably made up needing so you could have this stupid conversation with me.”
I grabbed her wrist, stopping her pulling away from me. There was a fire in her eyes, one I’d seen so many times, and I stepped closer to her even though the chance of me getting burned was high. “You’re right,” I said in a low voice. “It’s not fair of me to do this, but I don’t know what else to do. If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t know what to do either.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed.
“You don’t want to tell your brother how you feel about me any more than I want to tell him how I feel about you.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she replied, her voice a touch softer than before. “I’m not going to go back and forth with you, Ethan. Not anymore. I don’t think you know how much it hurts. Make a decision and stick to it, for God’s sake.”
She looked at me for a lingering moment before she tugged her hand out of my grip. I let her go, and the key clattered to the floor between us.
“Maybe you should find somewhere else to live.” Ava tucked her hair behind her ear. “Stay at Noah’s, like he said. This isn’t going to work anymore.”
Her words twisted my gut. She was right. There was too much push and pull—too much endless back and forth.
“I mean it,” she said, backing up to the door. She reached for the handle behind her back. “It’s not me being a dick. I can’t live with you if it’s like this.”
“Ava—”
“You’re right. I don’t want to be with Butler. I asked him to get dinner because I thought it would make me feel better.” She looked away for a second before she brought her eyes back to mine. “But all it did was make me realize that he’s not you, and as long as you sleep in the room next to mine, I’ll never be able to get over you.”
I took a step toward her.
“No.” She shook her head. “No. Don’t. Don’t kiss me when you don’t mean it.”
I covered my eyes with my hand and dragged it down my face. When I looked back up again, she was gone, and I was alone in the staff room.
I bent down and retrieved the key from the floor, staring at it.
This stupid fucking key. My own was in my pocket, but this shiny, gold one in my hand symbolized so much.
If I gave Ava mine, that was it.
There would be no going back. Any chance of anything with her… It was gone.
Was I a fool for not telling Leo how I felt? Ava terrified me. The way I felt about her was fucking scary, because I knew it would be too easy to fall completely in love with her.
Leo was the safety blanket. He was an excuse. It was easy to use him as the reason why I was holding back from her.
He was my best friend. Her brother. Betrayal, right?
In theory.
In reality… in reality, I was a fucking wimp. I was hiding behind a friendship.
I tucked the key in my pocket and walked back into the bar. Ava was back in place behind it, and she looked up as I passed. Something crossed her face, and she turned away from me, showing me the back of her head instead.
“Are you all right?” Reagan asked when I got back to the table.
“What? Yeah. I’m fine.” I sat down and grabbed my beer. “What’s the score?”
Preston shot me a questioning look. “Twenty-one, three to the Pats.”
I nodded and settled back.
“Did you ask her about Butler?” Leo asked.
“Huh?”
“Ava. Did you ask her about Butler? Are they dating again?”
“No. They’re not.” I tapped my fingers against the table, frowning.
“Are you all right?” Leo leaned forward. “You’re acting weird.”
“Really weird.” Halley tilted her head to the side, and her eyes widened like she could read my mind.
Fuck it.
I was going to tell him.
Right now.
“I need to tell you something.” I looked at Leo.
“Oh no,” Reagan muttered.
Leo sent a weird look her way before turning back to me. “What’s up?”
“I kissed your sister.”
Everyone at the table froze.
“A few days ago,” I continued. “I stole one of every sock she owns like you suggested. We had a fight. We kissed. That’s it.” I shrugged, holding out my hands.
Leo stared at me for a long moment. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I was ready for the fist to my nose.
It didn’t come.
Instead, he snorted. “Well, it’s about fucking time, ain’t it?”
It was my turn to still, where the girls both jerked in shock. “What?”
“It’s about fucking time,” Leo repeated. “God knows she’s mooned over you for years for some godforsaken reason. It’s about time you realized you felt the same.”
“I didn’t say anything about feelings.”
“You don’t have to. It’s written all over your face.” He smirked, glancing toward the bar. “Is that why she keeps looking over here like she’s plotting your murder?”
“As a rule, that’s how she looks at him anyway,” Reagan piped up. “But she still doesn’t have her socks back.”