“I’m here,” Susie said over and over, stroking Eve’s back and hair. “I’m here.”
Eve looked over to Silas and Torrey, who had their arms slung around one another. They were both smiling and giddy, holding each other tight and watching Eve do the same.
Silas caught Hazel’s eye and gestured for her to come over.
“This is Torrey,” he said. “This is the woman I was telling you about. This is Ruby’s mother.”
The corners of Torrey’s mouth turned up into a smile.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Hazel said, with an unexpected constriction in her throat. Hazel recognized Torrey’s lips and the hair and her smooth skin from the photo.
Hazel was now missing her mother and Cam and the twins more than ever. Her mistakes in love had suddenly caught up with her. Her aloneness was now fully apparent.
“Look, kiddo. I’m going to take Torrey down to the garden,” Silas said while interlacing his fingers with Torrey’s. “Is that okay with you, to hang here solo for a few minutes? And maybe it’d be a good time to, uh, call your mom, too? Only if you want, though.”
“Mmm, I don’t think she has to worry about that phone call,” Torrey chimed in.
The churning in Hazel’s stomach and the tears pressing up behind her eyes distracted her from really, really hearing what Torrey had said. There was no mistaking it now. She was actually, actually alone.
“Yeah, don’t worry about me,” Hazel replied and took a seat on the steps.
Silas smiled, glowed even, and then pressed his strong hand into the small of Torrey’s back so gently as they walked down toward the garden.
Hazel watched Silas and Torrey until they disappeared down into the woods next to the house. And then she turned her attention back to Eve, who was still locked up in her mother’s arms. They were swaying back and forth in one rhythm.
Hazel wondered to herself whether she should call her mom now. Whether she could. Whether it would be easy to undo everything she had done and said. And even if she called, how long would she sit and wait there alone? A tension rose in her body. Her muscles tightened and her tears pressed harder and her throat constricted. With each second that went by, those feelings only became more intense. She wanted something to happen. For someone to save her. But the absence of it was so palpable. Her reality was so heavy on her. She was alone. She had been for so long. But this aloneness hurt more than ever before.
Hazel wished she had said no when Silas asked if he could leave her alone. She wished she had told him that the whole reason she came up to this place was so that she wouldn’t have to hang solo anymore. She thought about shouting it out so it rippled through the air and the trees for Silas to hear. She thought about running toward Eve in her mother’s car and begging her to save her from her place on the steps.
Hazel let time pass, sitting with those feelings stirring around inside, until she needed to release them. She couldn’t tell how much time had passed, but it wasn’t enough to alleviate her need to be part of something the rest of them were a part of.
She tried to open her mouth to yell out. She tried picking up her legs to spring forward. But she couldn’t. Hazel realized that she couldn’t yell or thrust her way into Silas’s or Eve’s lives. Into their families. They had their families.
And so did Hazel. They were just back home.
The weight in her body turned into a panicky numbness. The green wall came into her mind’s eye again. Pulsing and breathing. Luring her in. Hazel pulled her eyelids together and placed her hands over her temples until the vision passed. She needed to get her mother here. She needed to get out, out, out of this place. She needed to go back home. Her real home.
Just as she prepared to reach for her phone, Hazel heard the familiar sound of the crackling of gravel below tires. The nose of her mother’s old green Subaru, dinged up on all sides, rounded into sight and Hazel sprung to her feet. Hazel ran toward it and slammed her palms into the glass of the windows as the car came to a slowdown.
Her mother popped out of the car and rushed to her. Before wrapping her up in a hug, Jane placed her hands on top of Hazel’s shoulders.
“How did you know to come up here?” Hazel asked through a smile.
“I just knew, my love.” Hazel’s mother pulled her in close and stroked the side of her head. “I just knew.”
As Hazel’s head rested on her mother’s shoulder, she heard the sound of a car window going down.
“Hi, Hazel!” a voice said, in a slightly jumbled and staccato manner. She hadn’t heard either of the twins utter these words before, but she was sure it was Trevor’s voice. “Hi, Hazel!” a second voice added. This one, she was sure, was Griffin’s.
Hazel’s heart felt light and she unraveled herself from her mother’s arms to peek into the back of the car. The twins were in there waving and bouncing their legs up and down in their car seats.
“They missed you,” Cam chimed in from the front seat with a smile.
“It looks like it!” Hazel chuckled and gave Trevor’s thigh a squeeze.
She looked up at Cam. He seemed as gentle and kind and calm as he always seemed. Hazel looked right into his eyes and said, “Well, I missed you guys.”
35
JANE
When Hazel pulled her head out of the car window, Silas and Torrey were arm in arm on one side of the driveway, having just emerged back from their walk to the garden, and Eve and Susie and Parker were arm in arm on the other side of the driveway, having just emerged from their circle of hugging and talking.
“Hey, Jane. Hey, Susie,” Silas said with a shaky voice. “I, uh, can’t believe everyone made it up here.”
There was a moment of thick quiet. Of everyone trading stares. There was a mixing of past and present and future.
“A mother’s instinct, I guess,” Jane said with a smirk.
“I’d say so,” Susie chimed in.
Torrey smiled, too, and squeezed Silas’s side.
They had all embarked upon journeys of love once upon a time. It was the greatest story of each of their lives and all the characters were right there in Silas’s driveway. Where did the stories start? Where did they end? What did they learn?
It was a mess. How couldn’t it have been? But it was finally becoming untangled.
It couldn’t be said for certain who was squeezing whom more, but Jane squeezed Hazel and Hazel squeezed Jane. And Silas squeezed Torrey and Torrey squeezed Silas. And Eve squeezed Susie and Susie squeezed Eve.
“I think it’s time we all head home, wouldn’t you say?” Jane said into the quiet between them all. “Well, except for you two,” Jane said with a smile in the direction of Silas and Torrey.