“Yes, I’d say we’re already home,” Torrey said and then kissed Silas’s cheek. Silas wrapped his arms around Torrey as if he would never get enough of it. With her chin on Silas’s shoulder, she mouthed toward Jane, “Thank you.”
Jane stood there stoically even though her heart was simultaneously full and melting. She nodded and then turned her attention back toward the Warringtons and her own daughter.
“Why don’t you go and get your stuff, girls?” Susie added. She swallowed and then pressed her chin into the air a bit.
She saw Hazel glance at Eve, who was already looking over at her, and then they disappeared up into the house.
With Silas and Torrey out of sight, the girls up in their rooms packing, and husbands and twins in their cars, Jane was left with just Susie. Where there might have been tension, there was a warmth between them. At the same time, the two women turned toward each other.
“I read your letters,” Jane said. And Susie said at precisely the same time, “Did you read my letters?” The two women laughed. They understood each other. They shared something meaningful.
“They helped,” Jane shared earnestly. “They really did.”
“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that,” Susie replied with obvious relief.
“I wrote my own, too,” Jane continued. “It felt good to get it all out there. And to know I wasn’t alone.”
Susie moved closer toward Jane and curled her slender fingers over Jane’s shoulder.
“Think you’ll ever share them with Eve?” Jane asked.
Susie shook her head from side to side. “No, I don’t think so. After writing them, I realized they were more for me.” She pulled her hand down off Jane’s shoulder and smiled. “And after meeting you, I realized they could be for you.”
Jane smiled back. “Hold on one second.” Jane dashed off to the car and pulled the two heavy notebooks from the car.
“What are those?” Cam asked from the passenger’s seat, but Jane just bolted off with them tucked in her arms. When Jane reached Susie, she extended the notebook out in front of her. “I figured you probably want this back?”
“Is that other one yours?” Susie asked, pointing to the other notebook pressed between Jane’s arm and side. “How would you feel if I said that I think I’d rather have yours?”
Jane pulled Susie’s notebook back and swapped it for hers.
“I’d feel pretty good about that. One mother’s mess is another mother’s treasure.”
They chuckled again. And as they did they could hear the patter of the girls making their way back down the stairs. Eve emerged first with a pep in her step and hair swaying from side to side.
“Let’s get out of here already!” Eve yelped, dragging her suitcase dramatically behind her. Hazel emerged next, looking a bit weary and older. Her eyes shone brighter. She even appeared taller. More adult. Hazel looked straight at Jane, right into her eyes. She felt them both soften again. Jane motioned to go hug her daughter again but there was Eve to break the mood.
“What are those fat notebooks you’re both holding? What are you, freakin’ pen pals now?”
“Nothing,” both Susie and Jane said simultaneously and made eye contact.
“Go put your bag in the car,” Susie said to Eve. And Eve abided. Hazel had already started doing the same.
Just as everyone had piled into their cars and started leaving, Silas and Torrey emerged back in front of the house, their fingers intertwined like they would never let go. And perhaps they wouldn’t.
“Hey!” he shouted and motioned with his other hand for them to roll down the windows.
“Thank you, daughters. And thank you, mothers.”
And then the cars drove off.
36
HAZEL
Hazel was surprised with how light she felt in the car. It felt okay to want things in a way you couldn’t help. It felt okay to go after those things. And she had.
Hazel looked out the window at the great and moody lake and watched it disappear into the distance. Hazel’s path to this moment had started how everything always started—with mothers and fathers and sons and daughters and sisters and wanting love. Mostly, wanting love. And it had ended with everyone holding those people a little bit tighter. It had ended up with a little more understanding of each other and a lot more love in the right places.
She thought of how quiet it had been in the room as she and Eve packed their bags, both as quickly as they could without seeming as desperate to leave as they both knew they were. For the first time, Hazel didn’t feel self-conscious about the things she wanted. Whether Eve could detect the vibrations of effort under her skin. For the first time, she didn’t feel Eve or her mother or Cam or the twins was in control of her. She was her own girl, her own woman, and she knew where to find her love and security.
Hazel felt warm and safe in the car, in the seat between her brothers and behind her mother and Cam. This was the kind of love she was seeking. The kind of love that took time. The kind of love that built through experience. Through knowing all the parts of each other. A kind of love that finally allowed her to see how grasping her love for Eve and Silas was.
Hazel felt her phone buzz in her lap.
Hey, Eve had texted. Sorry about all that.
Hazel tucked the phone between her legs so that she wouldn’t respond. What was there to say? But then she felt the phone buzz again.
Check your backpack. Another text message flashed onto the screen.
I left you a note.
Hazel dug around in her backpack until she felt a folded piece of lined paper. She pulled it out and opened it.
Dear Hazel,
I’ve been writing this note in my head for a long time but finally feel like I could put it on paper. The first thing I want to say is that I’m sorry I brought you into this mess, but I’m also glad I got to know you.
It’s probably no surprise that I didn’t come all the way up to Maine for the old walls and rickety floors and bugs and humidity. To be honest, I barely even came to meet Silas. I came because I was mad and I was sad that my parents lied to me. You’re lucky that yours didn’t. I wanted to punish them. I wanted them to feel scared that they would lose me. I wanted them to feel scared that things would change. Because that’s how I felt.
Last summer when I came up here, I was filled with anger and fear. This summer, it was different.
I didn’t feel mad or scared anymore. I felt like I understood them. The more time I spent up here, and the more time I spent with you and Silas, the more I understood why they would want to pretend like it never happened. The more I understood that they would want to live happily-ever-after, just the three of us.