Lies, but good ones, and closer to the truth than was comfortable. His wife had fallen for her pastor, and the two had justified their affair by “the calling of God.” Then they’d set his entire life on fire, took his daughter, left him with nothing. Imagining Steph’s body as charred was easier than seeing her flourish in the home of another man.
“Apparently, their sacrifice secured their heavenly inheritance,” he finished.
Understanding flashed across Zoe’s face, paired with terror and shock. He knew his personal story connected with her because of her scarred past. But she didn’t know he knew. Not yet.
“Religion is a cruel mistress,” Zoe said, hardly above a whisper.
“That’s an unusual response,” Seeley said. “Usually people are too shocked to say anything. Some even stare at me in disbelief. What kind of skeletons do you have in your closet?”
She cleared her throat and tried to appear normal. She was clearly afraid of giving too much away.
They sat in silence for a long moment. Then Seeley leaned forward, set his beer on the table before him, and spoke. “My turn.”
She looked up at him, puzzled.
“You got to ask me a question. Fair trade.”
She looked slightly panicked but tried to mask it.
“Does Lucy know you weren’t born with the name Zoe Johnson?”
Her face paled, and her lips fell ajar.
“From that expression I’m going to say no.”
“How—”
“I work in government. It’s my job to know things most people don’t,” Seeley said. “Zoe, I don’t care about who you were. We all have darkness we’re trying to outrun. All I care about is whether you have Lucy’s best at heart. You’re lying about who you are, which makes me suspicious of your intentions, and I don’t want to be. Because believe it or not—trust me or not—all I want is to see that Lucy lives through this. I owe her at least that. She trusts you wholeheartedly. You’re connected. We saw that today.” He made sure he was looking her in the eye. “Can I trust you? Can she trust you?”
Zoe didn’t back down from his stare. Her eyes were glossy, emotions threatening to give her away, but she held his look steadily. “Yes.”
Seeley nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Now you’ve seen my darkness and I’ve seen yours,” Seeley said. “We never have to speak of it again.”
She nodded, acknowledging what had just passed between them. She stood. “We should get some sleep.”
She started toward the stairs past him, and he reached out and grabbed her hand gently as she reached his chair. She paused and looked down at the place where his fingers touched the back of her hand.
“Friends?” he asked, looking up at her earnestly.
She smiled and shrugged. “Acquaintances.” She gently lifted her hand free of his touch, gave him a final smile, and left.
He sat there for a while after her steps had left the stairs and her bedroom door had squeaked closed. The feel of her hand lingered on his fingers, and the excitement of her buzzed inside his chest.
He had lied to get her to trust him. And he was afraid it was working. He downed the rest of his beer and tried to chase off the guilt he wasn’t used to feeling. What was it about these two girls that made his heart ache?
For the first time since Steph had set his life on fire, the light he barely recognized, the light of love, was returning. And with it he was second-guessing his darkness, which he couldn’t afford to do. His love for a woman had nearly killed him once.
He couldn’t let it take him down twice.
TWENTY-TWO
I WAS BACK in the glass box. The scene was growing, changing, as if someone were slowly making the room brighter and my vision was being stretched. More details of the room were coming into focus. And with each new tidbit of information, I recalled a different memory.
Small ones, but mine. And each time I discovered something I had forgotten, I felt closer to who I was. It gave me the sense that at any moment the right memory would unlock them all. Like I was slowly digging through the dense terrain, and eventually I’d find a hidden cavern and fall right through the earth.
Stay focused, Luce. Remember you are in control.
Zoe had given me the pet name. I liked it. Made me feel more connected to her, which I needed to withstand the panic. To get to the next scene I needed to survive this one. Get to the brink of drowning without losing control. This was my fourth attempt today. I was getting closer.
We pieced together that I had lost control when it mattered most, and I’d paid for it with time in the pit. But here in my memories it was all about leveling up so I could access more. According to the bratty unicorn girl, that was key.
Dr. Loveless had suggested that maybe the unicorn girl was my younger self trying to help guide me through my subconscious. If that was true, I hated my younger self.
The water was rising, the cold still a shock even though I’d experienced it a hundred times. It was up to my knees. I’d controlled my reaction as far as my forehead. But fighting off the body’s natural instincts to survive was difficult.
Doing good, Luce. Keep your focus on reality. The water isn’t real.
Her encouragement along the way seemed to help me endure longer. The water was at my waist as my eyes carefully surveyed the room. Anything new could be the linchpin.
What’s happening? Zoe’s voice sounded panicked.
“The water is rising, nothing new—”
Lucy, you have to come back.
“What?” The water was rising up over my chest. “Zoe, what’s going on?”
There was only silence in response as the water continued to pour in. A long moment passed, and then Zoe’s voice cut back in.
Lucy, come back! Come back now!
I’d never heard her so panicked. I didn’t know how to come back. The room started to dim as my terror sucked back the light.
“Zoe!” I cried. “Zoe, are you there?”
There was no answer. She always answered. Something was happening. The water now lapped at my chin. I had to get out of here but didn’t know how. I turned in a circle, treading the water as it continued up toward my face.
Lucy, Lucy, please come back! We’re under attack!
Attack. I couldn’t respond because I was fully submerged now. I crouched in the water and opened my eyes to peer through the glass. Just darkness remained. All that had been there each time before was gone.
Something tickled the center of my chest.
Lucy! Can you hear me?
Her voice was fading, softer than it had been a moment ago. I was losing her, and I was stuck in my mind. The water had filled the glass box to the brim. My lungs burned as I held my breath. I kicked at the glass. I twisted my body, using the back panel as a holding point and smashing the front with my right heel. Over and over. Nothing, not even a crack.
I pushed off the back panel and placed both palms on the front, bracing myself there. I pounded the glass with my balled fists. My vision was starting to blur. There was no oxygen getting to my brain. My body felt like a stone as I fought to keep myself afloat.
I was drowning. But I wasn’t afraid like I had been before. Fear was replaced with manic desires to get back and save Zoe. She was all that mattered.