“Is that when the insomnia started?”
I shrug. “I always blamed it on the night she died but I guess it makes sense that it started even before that. Listening to the way they would go at it terrified me but I knew it scared Clay even more so I had to be the big brother. It was my job to protect him and tell him everything was going to be okay.”
She nods and for the first time in my life, I don’t question if she really understands because she’s always understood Clay and my relationship more than anyone else.
“On this one stormy night, I remember that I just couldn’t shake this feeling that something was really wrong and when Mom and Dad started fighting that night, something in me was telling me to run but I didn’t listen to it. The screaming got louder and it woke Clay up. He laid in bed and cried and I tried so hard to keep him quiet because I didn’t want Dad coming after us. And then there was this deafening bang and the whole house went silent, too silent, you know?”
A steady stream of tears pour down her face and I reach up, wiping them away before pulling her down for another kiss, this one a little salty.
“What happened after that?”
My hands shake as the memories flood my mind and she moves in closer, offering me her silent comfort. “Clay was damn near hysterical but I got him to cry into a pillow so Dad wouldn’t hear him as I crept to the door and peeked down the hallway.”
My voice breaks and a tear slips down my cheek as I stare down at our entwined hands.
“Mom was laying at the other end with a pool of blood around her head and Dad was kneeling next to her, staring at the gun in his hand like he had no idea how it got there.”
“What did you do?” she whispers, cupping my cheek and wiping away tears as I work up the strength to continue my story.
“I knew we didn’t have much time and I didn’t know what he’d do to us once he snapped out of his daze so I snuck back into my room and just started throwing as much of our shit as I could into backpacks. Once they were stuffed full, we jumped out of the window and ran for it.”
She leans down and presses her lips to mine. “I’m so glad you made it out safely. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”
“Seems you were doing just fine before I came along,” I answer, slipping my hand into her hair and she shakes her head.
“I was surviving… barely. You saved me, Lucas.”
“No more than you saved me, babe. Being around you gives me a feeling of peace I don’t know if I’ve ever felt.”
“I love you,” she whispers, leaning in for another kiss and as her lips meet mine, I want to beat my chest and scream from the rooftops because she makes me feel like a goddamn king. Like I could rule the whole damn world.
“I love you more, gorgeous,” I say when she pulls away and she smiles as she lays her head on my shoulder.
“How did you end up with Iris?”
“Clay and I ran all night long because I was convinced that if social services got ahold of us, I’d never see my brother again. Around dawn, we found this old boxcar along the unused portion of a track in the woods and I always liked to read The Boxcar Children to Clay so he begged me to stay there. I was exhausted at that point so I agreed and we stayed there for two weeks before Iris found us. The boxcar was on her property line and she heard Clay crying in the middle of the night. The next day she came searching for us and at first, I didn’t trust her but slowly, she won us both over and became our official guardian.”
“I knew I liked her.”
I smile. “She really liked you, too. I’ve already gotten three phone calls about when I’m going to bring you and Brooklyn by next.”
“What does all this have to do with Clay’s phone call?” she asks and I run my free hand through my hair.
“Our dad sent him a letter a little while back, claiming he was innocent and because I never let Clay see our mother dead at the end of the hallway, he believes him. Said he’s going to find evidence to prove our father’s innocence.”
I can feel her scowl against my neck.
“Why would he do that?”
“Clay?”
She shakes her head. “No, your father. What’s the point of putting your brother through all that pain?”
“Believe me, baby, I’ve been asking myself that question every damn day. He used to be a drug addict like Clay is now but I think there’s something else wrong with him. I think he likes watching our pain.”
She pulls back to look me in the eye. “I’m so sorry.”
“You, Darlin’, have absolutely nothing to apologize for. My life is so much better, so much richer since the day you crashed in front of me and I know that no matter what happens with my brother or my dad, I’ll be okay as long as I’ve got you.”
“You’ve got me, Lucas. Always.”
* * * *
Pulling into the last space in the parking lot, I turn off my bike and stare up at the clubhouse as my knee bounces and my mind drifts to my conversation with Clay last night. Quinn and I stayed up late into the night talking about what I could do to help my brother and the one thing that stuck out was the fact that I can’t do this alone. I have tried that route for years now and it’s only made things worse so it’s time to let go of some of this pain and guilt and ask my club, my family, for help. My stomach rolls as I climb off my bike and walk toward the door but I know this is the right decision. Clay is going to hate me for it but with any luck, he’ll be clean and I can worry about our relationship after that.
“Well, well, well,” someone calls as I step into the clubhouse and I glance in the corner where Ali, Storm, Chance, Carly, Kodiak, Tate, and Fuzz are hanging out on the couches. “Look who it is.”
“Hey. What are y’all doing?”
“The better question,” Tate says, studying me with narrowed eyes. “Is where the hell have you been?”
I shrug. “Busy.”
“Yeah?” Ali asks, grinning. “With a certain woman you met recently?”
“Maybe. What’s with the third degree?”
“Are you guys still taking it slow?” she asks, completely ignoring my question and I roll my eyes.
“Not exactly.”
“Ha!” Chance yells. “Pay up, suckers.”
Storm, Kodiak and Fuzz all pass money over to Chance and I shake my head. “Are y’all seriously betting on my love life?”
Ali nods. “Yes, and I had faith that you wouldn’t push that poor girl.”
“Hold up, I didn’t push her. She decided that she was ready for more.”
Storm snaps at Chance. “Give me my money back.”
“Hell, no,” Chance snaps, stuffing the wad of cash in his pocket. “The bet was that they weren’t taking things slow anymore.”
“No,” Kodiak growls. “The bet was that he would be just as pushy as you bastards and convince her to move faster.”
“Don’t sit here and act like you’re not exactly the same way, Lincoln,” Tate scoffs and he grins down at her.
“We’re not talking about me right now.”