Tears sting my eyes as I stare down at the photo, the magnitude of my confusion and loneliness crashing down on me. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m drowning in everyone’s expectations of me, fear and this overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong here. I look down at the photo again and a sob bubbles out of me. I have never felt more confused or lost in my entire life and I don’t even have my best friend to talk to or guide me through this. But… why don’t I? I eye the phone Gavin gave me this morning and wonder if Mercedes’ number is still in there. I could call her, couldn’t I? Old me wouldn’t have given it a second thought but I have no clue what’s waiting for me on the other end of the line.
What if she and I don’t talk anymore?
Did my move put too much pressure on our friendship?
Just the thought breaks my heart and I chew on my bottom lip as I continue studying the phone. Should I really do this? Before I can talk myself out of it, I scoop up the phone and unlock it. So what if it’s been years since we last spoke and I make a total ass of myself? It’s worth a shot. I need something to tether me because right now, it feels like I’m floating through someone else’s life and I can’t do it anymore. I need a little piece of me back. My heart thunders in my chest and butterflies flap around in my belly as I open my contacts and scroll down to M. When I find her name, I release a breath and press call. The phone rings in my ear and my heart hammers out of control.
God, what am I doing?
What if it’s been years since we talked?
What if this whole thing is horribly awkward and I’m truly all alone in this strange world? What will I do then?
My hand trembles at my side and I consider hanging up.
Shit.
“Hello?”
My heart jumps into my throat. “Mercedes?”
“Hey, Jett,” she answers, using my old nickname from college and it settles a piece of my soul. I sag back against the headboard as relief rushes through me. “What’s up?”
I open my mouth to answer her but I don’t even know where to begin.
“Is everything okay?”
“No,” I answer, releasing a breath. “Not really… I need to ask you a weird question.”
“Shoot, babe. You know you can ask me anything.”
I nod, taking another deep breath as my pulse slowly returns to normal. “When was the last time we spoke?”
“Like two weeks ago, remember? You told me all about the wedding plans. God, I’m so excited to come down to Miami and see you again,” she practically squeals. “It’s been way too long.”
“How long has it been?”
“What?”
I grab a pillow and hug it as I stare out at the ocean. “How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line and I hug my pillow tighter as I wait for her reply.
“What’s going on, Juliette?”
I want to answer her but I need to know how much she’s still involved in my life and if she can help me. “Just answer the question first. When was the last time we saw each other?”
“I came down there right after Christmas to celebrate your engagement. Why don’t you remember that?”
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and nod. Okay, three months ago so that means we’re still close.
“What the hell is going on, Juliette? And you better answer me because I’m one more awkward silence away from calling my pilot.”
“I missed you,” I say, fighting back a smile at her “take no shit” attitude. I may not remember this house or the man I’m engaged to but the woman on the other end of the phone is exactly the same as she was five years ago.
“Juliette,” she warns and I open my eyes as I gather the courage to tell her everything that has happened over the past two weeks.
“I was in a car accident…”
She gasps and something crashes in the background. “When?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“And you’re just now telling me? What the hell, woman? What happened?”
Tears well up in my eyes again as I stare out at the ocean. “Apparently, my dad and I were driving by his house and someone ran a stop sign and t-boned us.”
“Oh my God, are you guys okay?”
“No,” I answer, my lip wobbling as tears begin dripping down my face. All my defenses crumble, brick by brick. “He’s gone. My dad didn’t make it.”
“Oh, honey,” she whispers, her voice thick and it amplifies my own heartbreak. When we lived together, Mercedes kind of adopted my dad as a second father and they always had a special relationship. A soft sob hits my ear and her tears trigger my own as I think about my dad and the fact that I’ll never see him again. “You’re okay though, right?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I was in a coma for a week and when I woke up, I couldn’t remember the last five years.”
“What?” she gasps and I drop my head back as the tears fall faster, a barrage of pain slamming into me like waves crashing against the shore. Hearing the words out loud, saying them to someone else, makes them even more real. In this apartment, with just Gavin and me, it’s easy to get swept up and forget that my life is falling apart around me. Or maybe I’m just compartmentalizing so I don’t completely lose my mind. I don’t know. But I guess that is kind of the point - I don’t know anything. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I clearly remember going out to that country bar to celebrate my big move and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital four days ago.”
“Jett,” she breathes. “That was five years ago.”
I nod. “I know.”
“Jesus… I don’t know what to say, honey.”
“There is nothing to say,” I whisper as I look out at the ocean again and wipe the tears from my face. “It is what it is.”
“Wait… are you living in the apartment with Gavin?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“And you don’t remember him?”
“Nope,” I answer, sucking in a stuttered breath as my tears begin to slow. Closing my eyes, I remember waking up in the hospital four days ago and being told I had a fiancé. It still doesn’t feel real despite the fact that I have this massive rock on my finger and I’m living in the same apartment with the man.
“Shit. Are you okay? How is Gavin handling all of this?”
My eyes snap open. “Why would you ask me that? Do you have any reason to believe that he wouldn’t be anything other than a gentleman?”
“No, of course not, Jett. I’m just worried sick about you. What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know.”
She sighs. “I think I could move a few things around and fly down there in a day or two.”
“You don’t have to do that, Mer,” I answer, fighting back the urge to beg her to hop on a plane right now. As much as I want that, I’m sure she has a life back in Baton Rouge. I can’t just expect her to drop everything and run to my side.
“No, you need me. Especially if you can’t remember anyone in your life there. You need to be around people that love you and can actually help you.”