How can one man consume so much of my life in such a short amount of time?
Sighing, I straighten the silverware and light the candles in the center of the table before taking a step back and pursing my lips. Maybe the candles are too much. I mean, I want us to have a nice dinner but I also don’t want to put too much pressure on him. What if his feelings have changed since last night? We were both swept up in whatever it was we were feeling in the truck yesterday but what if, today, in the cold light of day, he realizes that he was acting crazy? Closing my eyes, I picture the two of us on his front porch last night and rub my palm with my thumb in the exact same spot I felt his racing heartbeat before he kissed me.
No.
There’s no way that wasn’t real - daylight or not.
I stare at the candles for another couple of seconds before deciding to leave them. My heart races as I peek up at the clock again on my way into the kitchen.
He should be here any second…
To distract myself from incessantly staring at the door, I stir the Shrimp Alfredo I made for us. It’s about the only thing I know how to make, besides boxed mac and cheese, so I really hope he likes it.
Shit.
What if he doesn’t?
I’m pretty sure I’d die on the spot. Shaking my head, I grab the plates off the counter and scoop food onto each one before carrying them to the table and sitting down in one of the chairs as I release a breath and check the time on my phone.
5:06 p.m.
Nodding, I lean back in my chair and try to slow my breathing as my knee bounces out of control. God, I hope he likes this and doesn’t think it’s weird. He won’t think it’s weird, right? Fuck. I’m losing my mind. I snatch my phone off of the table and dial Mercedes’ number.
“Hey, babe. What’s up?” she answers and I release a breath.
“Um, well… I’m losing my mind.”
She laughs. “Why?”
“So, after I left your office, I thought it would be nice to cook dinner for Sawyer to say thank you for letting me stay, you know?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And now I’m just sitting here waiting for him to get home and I’m so nervous.”
“Oh my God,” she shoots back. “You like him so much.”
“Shut up. That’s not helping at all.”
Her laughter echoes across the line. “Did you cook your famous Shrimp Alfredo?”
“Um… yes. How did you know that? And why are you calling it famous?”
“It’s the same thing you made for Gavin to get him to sleep with you. We learned it at the cooking class we took in Miami.”
I scowl. “What cooking class?”
“Jett,” she gasps. “We took that class during your lost memories.”
“Oh,” I whisper, staring at the plate of food in front of me. How could I remember how to make this if I can’t remember anything else from my life? All damn day, I’ve been trying to remember anything from my life in Miami and this is what I get? “Wait… you said I made this for Gavin?”
“Yeah, the night y’all had sex for the first time. You made a whole plan to seduce him.”
I shake my head and pinch my eyes closed. “Well, did it work?”
“Um, yes.” She laughs. “Have you seen yourself? You could have taken him to bed just by looking in his direction.”
“Stop it,” I beg her as my cheeks burn and she laughs again.
“Is Sawyer late?”
I glance up at the clock. “Yeah. He said he’d get home ten minutes ago.”
“Want me to kick his ass?” she asks, sounding almost eager and I laugh as I shake my head.
“No. I’m just nervous.”
“I bet,” she replies, a hint of tease in her voice. “I would be, too, if I was waiting on another life changing kiss.”
Groaning, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I never should have told you that.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I only have a minor case of jealousy.”
“Maybe you should think about getting back out there,” I suggest and I swear, I can feel her shudder through the phone.
“I think not. Not right now, at least. I have way too much work to do to deal with a man.”
“Mmhmm,” I hum as a noise by the front door catches my attention and I sit up straight. “Oh, shit. I think he’s here.”
“Have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
“You realize that doesn’t take much off the table, right?”
“Yeah,” she answers. “Sounds like a fun night.”
Laughing, I say good-bye to her and promise to call her tomorrow before setting my phone down just as the door swings open and Sawyer stumbles into the house. His gait is uneven and he smashes his knee into his couch, hissing a string of cuss words. Jesus Christ, is he drunk? Glancing up, he stops and blinks bloodshot eyes at me before examining the table. His eyebrows shoot up.
“Oh, what’s this?” he slurs, a goofy smile stretching across his face as he stumbles further into the room and almost trips over a rug. I bolt up from my chair and meet him in the living room, wrapping my arm around his waist to keep him from falling. He hums and buries his nose in my hair. “You smell good.”
“I cooked us some dinner,” I prompt, pointing to the table and his smile grows. He looks down at me with a look that makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.
“You’re amazing.”
“And you’re drunk,” I say, my eyes burning from the smell of alcohol wafting off of him. “You didn’t drive, did you?”
“Nope. Uber.”
I nod in approval as I guide him to a chair and push his big body into it. He lands with a thud and grabs my arm, pulling me into his lap before I can stop him.
“Sawyer!”
He grins. “I really like the way you say my name. Do it again.”
“Sawyer,” I say, smiling as I relax into his arms. “We should get some food in you.”
“No. Don’t leave me. I like you right here,” he says, his grip on me tightening and I nod as I reach up to cup his cheek.
“You always come home three sheets to the wind?”
He shakes his head. “Only on really bad days.”
“What happened?”
“Someone died,” he whispers, tears filling his eyes as he looks away from me and my heart aches in my chest, stealing my breath as tears sting my eyes and thoughts of my mom and dad flash through my mind.
“I’m so sorry, Sawyer.”
His gaze meets mine and he traps a lock of my hair between his fingers as he shakes his head. “I can’t believe I met you.”
“Why not?” I ask, trying desperately to keep up with the ever changing topic.
“I said I was done. I wasn’t gonna date anyone else until I fixed my shit and then there you were… like an angel. My angel.”
Tears fill my eyes at the pain in his voice. “Sawyer.”
“It’s gonna hurt like hell when you leave me. I don’t want to let you go.”
“Who said I was leaving?” I ask, trying to guide his gaze back to mine but he shakes off my hand.
“You will. I’m not good enough for you.”