I'm worried. Not because of mother, since at this point I couldn't care less if anything happened to her, considering how much of a presence she's had in my life. No, I'm worried for my sibling. I'm worried something will happen to him or her... I hope it's a boy. A girl could never survive in this house, not under father's thumb.
I'm attentively listening for any noises when a screech invertebrates through the house. I open the door to my room and dash towards the first floor where mother is resting. The door is closed. I don't go in. Rather, I move closer to the door and I press my ear to it, straining to hear what's happening.
"Push!" Someone says, and mother curses at him.
There're more noises before I hear a wailing sound. The sound of a newborn.
I'm still plastered to the door when I see father come. He scowls at me, but says nothing as he opens the door and heads inside. I follow.
"It's a girl, signor." The doctor turns to face father.
"Useless." I hear him mutter under his breath, and my fists clench at my side. Poor babe...
"It's the devil's mark! Take it away from me!" Mother pushes away at the bundle of cloth sitting on her chest.
"It's cursed! It's the devil!" She yells, and against my better judgement, I step forward and take the baby in my arms.
Father is still in the room, sporting a bored expression, but I can see he's assessing my next move.
I look down and see the sweetest face. She's a little red and dirty, but as she opens her eyes to look at me, I feel something tugging at my heart.
I didn't even know I had one.
It's the first time I've felt this... I can't even name it.
My fingers tighten around her small body, wanting to offer her protection, love... Love?
I almost laugh at the thought. I've never loved anyone, and no one's ever loved me. Do I even know what that is?
But as I look into her deep eyes, I think I understand.
She has a big deep red mark that starts just above her eye and extends into her forehead. This is what mother must have meant when she'd said it was the devil's mark.
But... I suddenly realize.
I look up at mother and see she's holding tightly onto her rosary, saying a prayer—an exorcism most likely. And then father, he just looks at me as if he expects me to slip.
My eyes move once more over the innocent life in my arms, and I realize what I need to do.
I can't let her live through what I did... I know exactly what will come, the abuse she will have to bear at mother's hands, especially because of her birthmark. And father... I don't even want to think of what he could do to her.
I can withstand everything he dishes my way, but if he did that to someone I cared about... to my little sister? And he would.
"She's cursed." I say, repeating mother's words. It takes everything in me to do this, but she's better off without this family.
"She has the mark of the devil. Mother was correct. We should send her away."
"Is that so, boy?" Father leans into the wall, taking a cigarette from his case and lighting it.
"We should send her to a holy place, so they can take out the bad from her." I lift my head and look him dead in the eyes.
"She'll bring us bad luck if she stays." I continue, and mother turns to me, agreeing wholeheartedly.
"Yes! Take her away. The devil... it's the devil trying to tempt us. She's going to bring only bad luck." She cries hysterically.
Father shrugs. "Do what you want. She's not a boy." He throws his cigarette butt on the ground and stubs it with his shoe before turning and leaving.
There are a few maids in the room, and I also spot Amelia. I go to her.
"Where can we send her? Somewhere she'll be taken care of?"
"I... I..." She stammers, "There's a convent. The famiglia has connections there."
"Take her. Take her there." I hand over the baby to her, trying not to look again, knowing that the more I hold her the harder it's going to be to let go.
"Ok." She nods. "But... What about her name?"
"Let the nuns name her." I say and turn my back, leaving the room.
Because if I named her... If I let myself care...
I don't think I could survive.
Chapter Eleven
"THERE YOU GO!" I HELP Claudia out of the car. We'd spent all day shopping since we don't have a lot of things. After the meeting with Marcello, we'd decided to officiate the marriage in three days. That meant that I had three days to get ready for my future. A shiver goes down my body at the thought. Marcello was not who I'd expected him to be. Sure, he's good-looking and handsome and I did dream about kissing him but... It's probably never going to happen, and I will respect his boundaries. There was this sadness that clung to him. I can't put my finger on it, I felt like he'd been holding himself back. From what, I don't know. I'm trying not to read too much into it, especially given my slight crush on him.
I'd explained the circumstances to Claudia to the best of my ability, and she'd seemed understanding. At least, I think so. She's been very excited about being outside Sacre Coeur for the first time. And given her sheltered upbringing, I don't know how much she understands about marriage and what it entails. When we'd spoken about the terms of the marriage, I'd asked Marcello to bring in a therapist for Claudia. I don't want what happened with Father Guerra to scar her in the future. And she might benefit from it when adjusting to this new lifestyle too.
We head inside the house, but the moment we step in, I hear a noise. It sounds like a scream... A female screaming.
"Claudia. Go to your room! Now!" She looks at me wide eyed, but does as she's told, running up the stairs.
I take the first thing I see, a lamp, and head towards the source of the noise. What could it be, though? There are so many guards around... When I enter the drawing room, I stop in my tracks, my eyes going wide with shock, my mouth hanging open. That can't be what I'm seeing, can it?
Allegra, my brother's wife, Allegra is naked on her knees. A man is mounting her from behind, pumping his hips in and out of her. There's another man in front of her, and she's putting his member in her mouth, sucking on it. I gasp. What is she doing?
The men grunt, and Allegra moans in a high-pitched voice. She keeps sucking the man, and her eyes wander towards me. She doesn't seem in the least surprised to see me there. In fact, she winks at me. What? The man behind her steps away, and another man, one I hadn't noticed before, replaces him. What is this? This... depravity? This can't be normal.
"There she is, my sister-in-law." She drawls, and everyone's gaze focuses on me. "Join us, will you?" She says, and I instinctively take two steps back, before running up to my room.
How can Enzo allow that in his house? Does he even know? Lord, his son lives here, and he's only five!
As I enter my room, I try to put on a smile, and pretend nothing happened. Claudia doesn't seem to notice how rattled I am. Instead, she's excited about her new dresses that we'd bought, and she tries them on. I attempt to put the scene I'd witnessed out of my mind and focus on my daughter. But Lord, is that what people do in the outside world? I know I'm not very knowledgeable in these things, but surely that's not normal.