"I can't do that to her. She'll..."
"Yes." A satisfied grin spreads across his face. "She'll hate you. She will despise you for the rest of her life. Either you do it or..."
"But father, she's innocent." I know my words are in vain, but I need to sway him in any way I can.
"No one's innocent in this world, boy. And that was your first mistake. Pussy is pussy. You put her on a pedestal and allowed basic emotions to cloud your judgement. If this is what it takes to drive out these feelings out of you by force, then so be it. Take her and get your fill. Defile her and see how you can stand yourself afterwards." He chuckles.
"Two choices, Marcello. You can fuck her and hate yourself or you can watch everyone else fuck her and hate yourself. It's a win-win situation for me. But for you... hmm. It's such a conundrum, isn't it? Do it yourself and watch her despise you, or step back and let others fuck her. She won't even know you were involved."
"No..." I whisper. This is exactly what my father excels at—psychological games. He knows that I'll be full of self-loathing at the end.
"No?" He raises his eyebrows a fraction before shrugging. "Silvio, come, you go first." One soldier comes inside.
"No. Stop it. Please no. I'm already on my knees, begging you. Please..." I don't even recognize my voice as I beseech him. I can't do this to Catalina, not to my sweet Lina.
He turns his head and spits at me.
"See, that's exactly what I hate about you. You're just like your mother, begging me on your knees. Tell me, will you suck my cock like your mother did? Maybe if you do that, I'll spare her."
I'm stunned at his words, and I don't even think as I nod.
"Anything." There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I'm already gone.
Father pauses, looking at me with an inscrutable expression. Then he chuckles.
"Damn boy, I should have known you were a homo." There's a sinister smile on his face as he looks down at me. "I'll make you a deal." He says, his eyes crinkling with excitement. "Get me hard, and I'll let her go. Fail and..." He shakes his head, whistling.
God... so this is what it's come to? I nod again. What's one more humiliation for me? I can take it. Lina... she can't.
With a crooked smirk, he unbuttons his pants and takes out his flaccid penis, waving it in my face.
"Let's see how well you put that mouth to use." His expression tells me that he already expects me to fail.
Knowing what's at stake, I close my eyes, emptying my mind.
I can do this!
Taking a deep breath, I take his dick in my hand, bringing it to my mouth. I open wide as I take him inside, dying a little as I work my tongue around him. I try everything I can think of, silently praying it would elicit a reaction.
Father is sporting a bored expression, his hands crossed across his chest as he watches me choke on his cock. As I lick him, a small twitching of his dick gives me hope. Just as I'm about to apply more suction, he pushes me off, his foot nabbing me in the forehead and shoving me to the ground.
I can see he's semi-erect by now, but he quickly tucks himself in.
"You wouldn't even be a good whore." He spits on me, the tip of his shoe making contact with my ribs and making me wince.
Shit! My wound!
Father shakes his head callously.
"It seems that you failed, boy." He raises an eyebrow at me. He only did this to test my limits, shaming me in the process. "Now, what will it be?" He tips his head towards the table, raising one hand in the air, ready to signal Silvio.
"I..." I gulp down. My eyes wonder wildly around the room. There isn't any way out, is there? "I'll do it." I finally acquiesce.
"Let's see." Father nods at me, taking a seat on the chair next to the wall.
I scramble to my feet, my gaze set on Catalina.
"Let me give her some water." I say as I watch her writhe in pain, her limbs trying to move against the shackles holding her firm.
"Make it fast." He grunts.
This is the one moment that I thank the heavens for my sleeping pill addiction. I carry them with me everywhere. If I can't spare her the pain... then at least I can spare her the memory.
With my back to father, I pour a glass of water, quickly dissolving a pill inside. Then I move to the table, crouching down in front of Catalina.
Her lips are chapped and full of small lacerations. She must have bitten them when the pain had been too much. Just seeing her like this is killing me. I lift my hand and lightly stroke her hair, knowing I have no right to do so.
"Aghh..." A small moan escapes her lips, and I will myself to be strong for her sake.
"Shh, I got you." I whisper in a low voice so that father won't hear. I help her drink from the glass, glad to see most of the liquid going down her throat.
"It will all be over... soon." I vow to her. Somehow, I'll make sure she gets out of this alive.
"What's taking so long?" Father complains.
I straighten my spine, putting on my best poker face. If he knows how much she means to me, he'll kill her immediately; a fact of which I'm painfully aware. I need to buy some time so the pill knocks her out.
"I can't do it." I start.
"Silvio!" Father yells, but I stop him.
"I didn't mean that. I can't get hard. I need one of those pills." He knows exactly what I'm talking about as he scowls at me; it's not as if it's the first time I've needed them.
"Sometimes I wonder how you came out of my loins. Can't even fuck properly." He opens the door and spews some commands. "Fucking faggot," he mutters under his breath, but I ignore the jibe.
I fix my eyes on Catalina, monitoring her movements.
Dear Lord, she's innocent. Please spare her.
I continue praying, even knowing it's too late.
As expected, father is back too soon. Swallowing the pill, I can only wait until it starts working.
"So?" Father asks flippantly, nodding towards my bulge. "Let the show begin."
I briefly close my eyes, and I do what I always do—I will myself out of my body. Except this time, it's not working.
With trembling fingers, I unlock the shackles on her ankles and wrists. Then, I pull her towards me so only her torso's laying on the table.
I hear a soft whimper. God, what am I doing?
I don't think I've ever known more potent loathing than I do the moment I grip the hem of her dress and lift it up her hips.
My heart is beating wildly in my chest; a side effect of the pill coupled with my own anxiety. My hands go to my pants and I unzip them. I don't touch her more than I need to, not wanting to defile her even further. Angling my cock at her entrance, I push in.
I can only hope she's out of it so she doesn't feel the pain as I surge in, breaking through the barrier of her virginity. Once I'm fully inside I still, the magnitude of what I'm doing crashing down on me.
I can't do it. This isn't mine to take, only hers to give. God...
I don't think I've ever appealed to a Divinity as much as I do that moment. The guilt of stealing her innocence from her is only exacerbated by the fact that it feels too good.
I'm a monster... and this is my biggest sin.