Lost in an inner battle with my demons, I'm suddenly brought back to reality by father's voice.
"I should have known you couldn't do it." He spits at me, taking his gun and shoving it under Catalina's chin. "How's this for encouragement, boy?"
Like a caustic substance, the sight of the gun aimed at Catalina's head burns my insights and imprints itself in my head. Father's insidious smile stretches even wider across his face as he sees the turmoil in me. I can't even hide it anymore.
He jabs the butt of the gun menacingly into her chin a few more times before I give up. I move—in and out. All while begging all the gods out there to make this fast.
For once someone listens to my prayers and I come, the staggering guilt an echo of ephemeral pleasure.
Sick. Twisted. Depraved.
Am I anything but?
I pull out, lightheaded, a heavy weight resting on my chest.
Damned... I just damned myself by defiling an angel.
Father starts clapping, a hand coming down my back in a congratulatory slap. He's saying something, but I can't hear him. Eyes blank, heart shattered, I turn away from the wretched body I've just corrupted.
Looking down, my cock is stained with red, the evidence of the innocence I'd ruined glaring back at me. It's the last drop, and I stumble to my knees, heaving and emptying the contents of the stomach.
Father makes a disgusted noise before leaving the room.
He already got what he wanted.
For what seems like forever, I sit alone in my puke, staring at the dark walls. Catalina is still out—a small grace. But I realize where this is all heading... father's next step. She'll be dead by tomorrow, and I can't allow that. I'll take on the entire famiglia if I have to, but Catalina will survive this. It's a solemn vow I make to myself.
One day, this will all be but a distant nightmare for her, but at least she'll be alive.
And I'll stay away—forever.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON who can help me get her out. The only other man besides father who has unrestricted access to the house and the basement—my brother Valentino. Asking him for this favor and implicitly making him go against father for my sake will cost me heftily.
I don't dare leave her side, even for a moment, as I plan the next move. I call my brother and explain what I need—someone to return Catalina to her family while I stay behind and face the music.
After I'm more in command of my body, I stumble to my feet, and taking my shirt off, I clean her with it.
I'm very gentle with her back, the wounds so raw it's like they're screaming at me. Even with the mangled flesh, the initials are clearly distinguishable. It makes me feel even more despicable, for she will forever carry this with her.
I swallow a sob as I reach lower. A trickle of blood is running down her thighs. I tenderly clean the area, even more disgusted when I see red mixed with white and the evidence of what I've done to her.
"I'm so sorry... so sorry." My voice breaks as I keep repeating, knowing she can't possibly hear me.
I've killed and maimed in my life; tortured, and desecrated, and never have I felt such a torment deep within. I'd gotten used to my lot in life, never thinking I could reach rock bottom, because how can you when you've always lived under sea level? But this... what I did to her...
I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life repenting, seeking some nonexistent absolution.
I finish cleaning her up and I try my best to cover her with what's left of her dress. Softly, I lower her from the table, cradling her battered body in my arms. I swipe my hand over her pale features, taking her in one last time.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper again in her hair, rocking slightly with her and letting the tears fall. "So, so sorry." I brush my lips against her temple, trying to memorize her features.
That's how Valentino finds me.
"That her?" He nods at Catalina.
"Yes." I stand up, carefully depositing her in his arms. "Please take care of her. Make sure she gets home safe."
"You're lucky she's Romina's sister, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this."
"I know."
"You owe me, Marcello. And when I come to collect, you better be ready." He notes. Tino might not be father, but that doesn't mean he is any less of a self-serving bastard.
"Thank you." I incline my head in respect. As long as he delivers her safely back to her family, I'm willing to do anything for him—should I live.
"Good luck with father." He says before leaving.
I watch his retreating figure, saying goodbye to Catalina one last time.
It's time to end this.
When father comes in, I'm the only one in the basement. He quickly scans the room, his upper lip twitching in displeasure.
"What did you do, boy?" He spits out, backhanding me. I take it, because that's all I deserve.
"She's safe." I say, keeping my composure.
"Fucking useless." He sneers, pacing around. "You know what your punishment is, boy." I lower my head, already accepting my fate. I knew it from the moment I stayed behind.
"Do it fast." I say as he raises his gun to aim for my head.
"You think this is over, don't you? The moment you're dead, I'll take that whore you seem to love so much and I'll make her my bitch. And when I've had my fill, I'll have every one of my men take a turn. She'll wish she was dead, and she will die, but not before she despises you so much she takes her last breath cursing out your name," He laughs, mocking Catalina and my feelings for her.
The switch is instantaneous. I'd been resigned to dying, since death would be the greatest comfort considering what I'd done—and a mercy at the same time. Yeah, I'm a coward. But as he gloats about everything he would do to Catalina, with me powerless to stop it, I can't. Before he can pull the trigger, my hand shoots out, knocking it out of his hold.
Father may think he's superior just because I'd been at peace with dying. But in a physical struggle, he won't come out the winner.
A rage unlike anything I've ever felt takes over me, and my fingers wrap themselves around the side of his neck, forcefully shoving his head into the wall. The first impact elicits a cry from father, and it only spurs me on. Over and over, I smash his brain against the concrete wall, watching blood and brain matter stain the surface. I only release him when he stops struggling.
It's done.
IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE I've seen the light of the day. Stuck in a tiny apartment, a prison of my making, I can only wait for Valentino's next update about Catalina.
That's the only thing that's been keeping me going. The knowledge that she's doing well, and the hope that she will heal.
But it all comes crashing down one day.
"What do you mean?" I croak. "How can she be missing?"
"I'm sorry. Romina said Rocco disowned her. She's probably..." He trails off, and I get what he's hinting at.
"No. It can't be. Why wait so long? It's been months and nothing happened... There must be a mistake." I'm panicking, the sheer thought of a world without Catalina filling me with unimaginable dread.
"You realize the chances of her being alive are slim, don't you?" His voice is somber, and I fall back, shocked to my very core.