We spent that evening as we had the first few, Joy and I cooking, and eating outside. We were all so relaxed, chatting, remembering past holidays fondly, laughing with the children, just a family on holiday finally able to breathe – with no shadows.
But not for long.
I woke the following morning remembering immediately that today Ella was leaving. I wanted her to go, it made me happier to think she’d be out of our hair, but I was conflicted and felt on edge, because there was still a chance she might tell Dan everything on the journey there. Perhaps they’d already gone? Or had she and Jamie made up and she was staying – both now ensconced in the big white bed making up for lost time?
As the children were still asleep, I wrapped my cotton dressing gown around me, quietly opened the door and headed for Dan’s room.
I stepped out onto the landing. As always, I was drawn to the huge floor-to-ceiling window that looked down onto the pool and garden, the sea misty and glittering beyond. It was so high and full you could even see the winding, treacherous road edging the coastline. I thought of the woman from the granita van again and wondered if she was there now, warning people of trouble ahead.
It was then that I looked down onto the pool, my eyes trying to make sense of what I thought I saw in the water. Long hair billowing out, opening and closing slowly like a golden parachute, her body floating on the bright, bright blue.
It was Ella, swimming in the deep end, and my first thought was: So she lied about not being able to swim too?
I stood there just watching, trying to make out what she was doing. Then, to my horror, I realised that she wasn’t swimming, her face was underwater, her legs limp. I don’t remember running, but I must have, because seconds later I was in the pool, trying to haul her out and screaming for help.
I was suddenly aware that I wasn’t alone. Someone else was with me, desperately trying to pull her to the side – it was Dan. Where had he come from? And as we dragged her to the side, I was suddenly aware of Joy standing there, holding out her arms and yelling at Bob to hurry up. Then Bob appeared, rushing around the pool with some sort of stick.
Dan was now near the edge, propping himself up with one arm and holding Ella with the other, as I held her legs. That’s when Jamie appeared, wailing hysterically as he ran towards us, and hurled himself in like he didn’t care how he landed. And when he finally got to her he held her in his arms, refusing to believe she was anything but asleep. It was irrational and terrifying to hear him begging her to wake up. Dan was looking from me to Joy, who was extremely distressed, with both hands over her mouth. She was now kneeling down, asking Dan if Ella was still alive. It was all a blur, like it was taking place in slow motion. I remember the weight of water, the sheer brute strength, and the panic, the utter panic, just hoping there was a chance we might save her.
Eventually, between us, we managed to drag her out, but by the way her body slumped onto the tiles, I knew there was little hope. You could see by her skin, she’d been in the water a while.
Jamie was now on the floor, cradling her head, sobbing, kissing her like he might bring her back to life – a fairy tale turned dark. I had to move him away while I tried to give her mouth to mouth. The others stood over us, deathly silent, as I pushed up and down on her chest, blowing into her mouth. I couldn’t stop, just kept giving one more push, one more breath, like that might be the difference between life and death, but in my heart I knew, she was long gone.
It was a while before I finally let her go – I think it was Dan who said, ‘Stop now. No more, Clare,’ and gently pulled me away.
‘Bob, call an ambulance,’ Joy said without even turning to look at him.
‘It’s too late for an ambulance. I think we should call the police,’ I said, and Bob did as he was told and headed into the house.
Joy, Dan and I stood in a circle around her body, just looking down at her. ‘Mate’ was all Dan said to Jamie, his hand on his younger brother’s back as Jamie sat on the wet tiles, Ella’s head still in his arms. Her eyes were wide open, seeing nothing, and yet I felt uncomfortable, like she was looking straight at me. I leaned over her and, with my fingers, gently closed her eyes.
Bob had called the police, then on Joy’s instructions had gone to get the kids up and had taken them into the garden to play. We didn’t want them to see or know anything at this stage, and as the garden was framed by trees they were unaware of the horror on the other side. Meanwhile, we waited with Ella by the pool, numb, only saying the odd word, trying to string sentences together to try to make sense of what had happened.
‘What was she even doing in the water? She can’t swim,’ Joy said, shaking her head, fear etched on her face. ‘It’s 7 a.m. in the morning, and she’s in the pool – but she can’t swim,’ Joy repeated.
‘Yoga,’ I said, and they turned to look at me. ‘She always did her yoga out here – every morning about six.’ Much later when I scrolled through her Instagram I saw her – as always she hadn’t missed an opportunity for a selfie. She was smiling into the camera, wearing the same matching scarlet vest and yoga pants she now lay in, her sunlit hair gathered up in a golden topknot.
‘Did you watch her doing yoga?’ Dan asked in front of everyone, like I was some kind of bloody stalker.
‘Not this morning, and I never watched her,’ I said defensively, ‘but I’ve seen her other mornings. Sometimes, if I woke early, I’d take my book… and just sit out there, on the terrace. I didn’t want to disturb the children. And she was out there.’
‘Yeah… she did do yoga in the morning.’ Jamie nodded. ‘She wouldn’t do it by the pool though, she’d be too… scared in case she fell in…’ he said, and at this his face crumpled.
‘She was in the garden,’ I said gently. ‘She always did yoga in the garden.’
‘So how the hell did she end up in the pool? She wouldn’t have gone near the water on her own,’ he added through tears.
‘Perhaps someone else was there?’ Dan said, looking at me. I felt a little uncomfortable.
‘Perhaps she just decided to try out a new move by the pool?’ I suggested. ‘It would look good to have the pool in a photo – on her Instagram?’
‘Or perhaps,’ said Joy, ‘and I hate to say this…. But she was upset about something, and…?’
‘She wouldn’t.’ Jamie shook his head. ‘She’d never do anything stupid.’
I found it hard to imagine too. Ella was angry with me, and disappointed about the TV offer that didn’t exist, but she wasn’t suicidal.
‘She was upset about leaving me, but we’d talked. I said I’d go and see her wherever they ended up filming. I was upset, I said some things I regret, but I didn’t cause this!’ He let go of her head and sat back, his arms outstretched.
‘No one’s saying you did, my darling.’ Joy went to hug him, but he pulled away.
Joy touched her chest, no doubt hurting for her son and hurting because she couldn’t console him. ‘This is all too much, I need to lie down,’ she said, slipping a gold lipstick from the pocket of her kimono and giving her lips a slick of hot pink for the arrival of the carabinieri.
While Jamie and Dan argued about whether they should leave Ella’s body for the police or move her out of the sun, I walked over to the garden to see Bob and the children. I felt it would be good to explain to Violet and at least offer some explanation to Alfie as to why uniformed men would be arriving soon. I told them something very sad had happened and Ella had fallen in the water and gone to heaven.