I lean closer and she does the same. ‘Do you think it’s Davian, the man she was fooling around with?’
She wrinkles her nose and lowers her voice. ‘You think she and Davian were having an affair?’
I lean back on my seat. ‘That is what I’m beginning to suspect.’
‘Did you confront him?’
‘No, not yet, but he gave her a photograph.’
Lilia presses her lips together. ‘A photograph?’
I’m about to tell her, yes, she told you about it, but then Lilia will wonder how I know Lottie showed it to her. So, I explained the design to her.
‘Lottie did show me a photo similar to what you’re referring to. Someone left it on her desk. So, it was him who gave it to her? She never mentioned it again. He gave her a photo, but it doesn’t prove they were having sex.’
‘No, but... it’s weird. After the party, everything changed. She changed,’ I say.
That’s where I need to go: to the party, when it all started, where everything came crumbling down for her and me.
‘Well, she was into him. There are girls in the office who are in love with him... you know, a harmless office crush, but hers... I don’t know. It’s like he was an obsession.’
Lilia takes a sip from her coffee. ‘Whatever it was, she was out of her depth, and she got too sucked into it.’
‘What did she get sucked into?’
‘Whatever she had been doing...’ She placed the fork down and pushed the chair forward, so close to the table, that there was no space for her to move.
‘One time, a few weeks after she broke up with Abdel, I found her crying in the bathroom. She was a mess; she had been crying so much, I didn’t know what to do to calm her down. She was shaking and could hardly breathe from sobbing, hiccupping, that sort of thing.’
The waitress comes over to serve me my sandwich. I leave it in front of me.
‘And?’
Lilia pushes the plate aside. ‘I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I told her, Lottie I can’t hear you, stop crying, calm down. Lottie bit into the toilet paper, tearing it with her teeth, she was in so much pain. I thought someone close to her had died, or because of Abdel at the time, that she regretted it. She kept saying, ‘oh what am I thinking, I can’t have it, it’s all a lie, an illusion. I’m a fantasist, I was so wrapped up in my bubble that I failed to see the signs. Now, my bubble is burst and I don’t know what to do.’ What, Lottie? What happened? I asked her. Lottie wouldn’t tell me; she kept staring at the tiles. She was hysterical, grabbing her hair as if she wanted to tear it out of her scalp. Lottie said through gritted teeth, ‘I’ll find a way, I will not be played, I know a way. I fucked up my life to make a total fool of myself.’ I couldn’t possibly understand what she was going through and if she’d told me, I would have helped. I tried to get it out of her but no use, she wouldn’t budge. I wondered, who would do this to her? Those words were aimed at someone, the person who had caused her this pain. I said to her, what are you talking about? Tell me what’s wrong, I can help you. ‘No one can help me, but I hit where it hurts’, she said.’
‘Hit where it hurts,’ I repeated.
Lottie, what did you do?
Lilia pushes the chair back, allowing the space. ‘Yes, I didn’t realise it then, but it was about a guy.’
I pick up my sandwich and take a bite. The cheddar explodes in my mouth.
I eat quietly while Lilia looks out the window.
‘The strangest thing was, the next day, she was as happy as a clam. It was as if what I witnessed wasn’t real,’ Lilia said, looking at a group of girls a few tables away.
The sandwich starts to grow in my mouth.
Lilia returns her gaze to me. ‘Did you two have a row or something to make her behave so oddly?’
‘No. We hardly ever argued,’ I say.
Apart from the night of the party. It was a messed up, confusing night I’d rather not think about. Was it because of me? Did I get her that upset? I play with my teaspoon. She told Lilia she’d fucked up her life to make a total fool of herself, and this was a few weeks after she broke up with Abdel. It could be aimed at me. I tap the teaspoon on the cup; no, it had to be someone else, someone who promised her something but didn’t deliver. At least she thought of it that way.
Chapter Fifteen
I drop on the sofa exhausted. After Lottie had dinner with Ella, she went back to her apartment to meet him, this man, this lover, and her killer. Was Davian involved? Was he the man she was seeing in secret? The prospect of them together seems ridiculous, but not farfetched. But he had Melissa to consider... why would he cheat on her?
Lottie’s Recordings. Clip ten
I don’t know what’s up with Abdel. He has been acting strange lately. It’s been like this since he came to surprise me at work and saw Davian and I talking in the copy room.
I was unaware Davian was still in the building. He stood by the door silent as a ghost.
‘Would you like some tea?’ he asked, handing me a plain porcelain mug from the kitchen.
‘Thank you,’ I said, shutting the copier and placing the mug on top of it.
‘Are you attracted to me?’ he asked.
I desperately thought of how to answer. The question was forward, coming from someone like Davian, who hardly ever asked personal questions or allowed any form of friendship. He was locked away in his little world and only a few people were allowed in there. I long to be one of those people.
‘What makes you think that?’ I asked.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘If it’s so obvious, why are you asking me? To hear me say it aloud?’
‘No, but I noticed how you look at me, how you don’t look at me.’
‘Even if I’m attracted to you, I would never act on it,’ I said.
He waited.
‘I can’t explain it,’ I said. ‘I don’t understand it.’
‘Do you want to understand it?’ he asked.
Where was he going with this. He kept on waiting while I struggled to find the right words. Was he trying to tempt me?
‘I have a boyfriend and you have... Melissa.’
‘That’s one of the reasons it would never happen.’
How many reasons did he have? So he’d thought about it?
‘And I like older women... I like intelligent conversations,’ he went on.
I didn’t know what to say. He was about to turn to leave then changed his mind, rubbing his jaw.
‘I’m struggling,’ he said.
‘With what?’
‘I don’t know why people find... me... good looking. I’m rather clumsy.’
Why was he telling me this? It puzzled me for days. He’s supposed to say this to Melissa. I thought, here is a man who has no idea how handsome he truly is, failing to see what people see. How women swooned over him. I liked the modesty of it. I wanted to stroke his cheek and run my hand through his hair. Davian’s phone beeped. He took it out from his pocket and muttered.
‘The groom is here.’
Abdel stood there with a look as if he’d seen a ghost. I went to him. Davian strolled towards us.