The grass was wet underfoot, with leaves mushed into the ground. A small, black dog ran over to them, sniffing at the pushchair and wagging its tail. Ben smiled and reached out to touch it and Maddie smiled with him.
‘Hey there,’ Maddie said to the dog while bending down to let it sniff her hand. ‘You know, Ben, you should always let a dog sniff your hand first before reaching out to it – like this – so that it doesn’t get frightened.’
Ben copied her and giggled as the dog licked his hand. She could feel Jade watching them quietly. The dog’s owner whistled from further up the path and it ran off, all flopping ears and lolling tongue. Ben followed it with his eyes, still smiling, and Maddie couldn’t help herself. She reached out and touched his cheek lightly, her heart aching.
‘You really like kids, don’t you?’
Maddie stood up quickly. ‘Yes, I do,’ she said with a sigh.
‘So why don’t you have any?’
Maddie hesitated, but if Jade had noticed her reticence, she didn’t retract her question. She just carried on staring at Maddie, waiting for an answer. ‘It’s complicated. We tried… for years,’ was all Maddie said.
‘Ah, Greg shooting blanks, was he? But wait, isn’t the new girlfriend pregnant? Oooh, is it not his?’ Her eyes lit up at the whiff of scandal.
‘It is his. He wasn’t at fault. I was.’ Maddie swallowed thickly and set off up the path towards the pond.
Jade followed, more animated now. ‘So what happened?’
‘What they call “unexplained infertility”. I don’t want to talk about it though.’
Jade eyed Maddie curiously, like she was a specimen in a jar, as though if she stared hard enough she could see what was wrong with her. It’s a look Maddie had seen on Greg’s face before.
‘Oh, look, Ben! There’s a beautiful swan!’ Maddie pointed at the water. Ben strained to get out of the pushchair, so she reached down and unclipped him. He darted up with youthful clumsiness in his little welly boots and toddled towards the water.
‘Careful! Not too close to the water!’ Maddie said and followed him, pleased to leave the conversation behind.
The cup of coffee was still hot in her hand and she sipped at it as she watched him. Jade came to stand next to her. She had the bakery bag in her hand and pulled a millionaire’s shortbread from it. Her eyes flicked over to Maddie and she said begrudgingly, ‘Want some?’
‘Er, no, thanks.’ Maddie wasn’t sure what to make of her rudeness. Maybe it had slipped Jade’s mind to return Maddie’s change, but it looked like she had bought herself a treat and nothing for anyone else, which was selfish and bad manners. Maddie certainly wouldn’t buy herself something in a bakery without getting another for whoever she was with – or for her son.
Jade saw the look on Maddie’s face and said around shortbread crumbs, ‘Oh, sorry, I would’ve got you one, but you don’t look like the cake-eating kind.’ She gestured at Maddie’s body, crumbs falling as she gesticulated at her. ‘You’re such a skinny arse. I swear I could snap you in half. That’s a compliment, by the way. Besides, you have to be really careful these days. Everyone is allergic to something or other.’ She carried on chewing.
‘I’m not allergic to anything. Greg is – a severe nut allergy. I always had to be careful. I just don’t really have much of an appetite – usually.’
Jade ignored the inflection. ‘Well, there you go, see? So Greg has an allergy, huh? Me, I think about food all the time. Food and fags – ha! Cigarettes, not gay people,’ she added unnecessarily.
Feeling annoyed, Maddie stared at the people around them. The mums with their small children chasing balls; dogs sniffing, digging and playing; runners huffing and puffing past, their breath like clouds. She breathed it all in, remembering why she liked coming here and wishing not for the first time that she could bring her own children.
‘Speaking of food, what’s in your picnic then?’ Jade coughed loudly, a hacking bark that vibrated straight through Maddie, making her teeth clench. Her initial excitement at the possibility of a friend in her building was starting to wear thin. Jade’s little habits were grating on Maddie’s nerves today – like how she chewed on the inside of her cheek when she wasn’t talking, her mouth twisting and gurning as she bit at herself, or the way she walked in small steps on her toes, bouncing along.
Maddie could feel the weight of the bag on her shoulder and was in two minds as to whether she should just head home, maybe take a longer walk through the park so that she could enjoy the fresh air.
Then Ben ran up to her, pointing and giggling at the swans, saying, ‘Maddie, Maddie, look!’ and her mood lifted instantly. Who cared if Jade was selfish and irritating? Ben had just called her by her name! The truth was if she wanted to spend time with Ben, she would have to be friends with Jade. Did her broodiness outweigh her annoyance?
Without a doubt, yes.
‘Shall we find somewhere to sit, Ben? Then you can feed the ducks with some of the bread I brought along,’ Maddie said, then turned to Jade. ‘I just brought a few snacks in case he got hungry,’ she said apologetically. ‘It’s nothing much. Just crisps, cucumber, you know…’ She saw a park bench around the other side of the pond. ‘There’s a bench over there.’
‘Ben, babe, we’re going to sit over there. Let’s go around that side, yeah?’ Jade started walking towards the bench. ‘I tell you what, Maddie, you’re a natural mother. You can look after Ben anytime.’
Maddie grinned. ‘Thanks. I brought wholemeal bread for him to feed the ducks,’ she said, digging in the bag. ‘You’re not supposed to feed them white bread. It’s bad for them apparently.’
‘Ducks with gluten issues. Who knew? Come on, Benny Boy.’
He trailed after them, his little feet kicking at the fallen leaves. Jade plonked herself down on the bench and sighed. ‘I’m shattered.’
Maddie realised then that maybe she was being hard on Jade. She was a single mother, after all, and it couldn’t be easy.
‘Yeah, you must be,’ Maddie said sympathetically, sitting down next to her. She pulled a bag of chocolate buttons from her bag and offer them to Jade. ‘Here. A little pick me up.’
‘Oooh, yeah. Thanks.’ Jade tore open the packet and dove right in.
‘Does Ben want anything? I have breadsticks, crisps…’
‘Crisps! Lush – what flavour? Don’t worry about Ben. If he’s hungry, he’ll say.’
‘Oh, ok.’
The snacks were for Ben, not Jade, but she was now digging in the bag looking for salt and vinegar crisps. She found a bag and Maddie watched her curiously as she held the packet up to her face and breathed in deeply while opening it, inhaling the salt and vinegar with relish. ‘God, I bloody love salt and vinegar crisps,’ she said. ‘Oh Jesus! Look at that annoying cow over there!’
Maddie’s eyes followed where Jade was pointing towards a middle-aged woman with a bag over her shoulder that said in gold lettering, ‘Oh no! Have I bought prosecco instead of milk again?’ Maddie wondered where she’d bought the bag because she liked it.