‘Jade not here this week then?’
‘I wanted to bring him today, just wanted to spend some time with him.’
‘That’s so nice, getting to spend time with you. Jade can—’ Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a loud female voice thundering over them, telling them to gather on the carpet as the session was about to begin. Chloe smiled and shrugged as her daughter grabbed her hand and dragged her away.
Maddie couched down next to Ben again and said, ‘Shall we find a place to sit? The music is starting.’
He got to his feet and handed her the picture he had drawn. There was a blue sky and a yellow egg shape for a sun and what looked like two people holding hands. ‘That’s fantastic, Ben! Is that you and Mummy?’
He nodded.
‘You are very good at drawing. She will love it.’
She sat on the carpet with crossed legs and Ben crawled up into her lap and leant against her. Maddie didn’t want to move or breathe in case he pulled away. A glow spread through her.
The woman taking the session had a habit of bursting into song at every opportunity and Ben giggled, sang and clapped his hands along with the other children. He looked happy and relaxed, clearly enjoying every minute.
Afterwards, as she clipped him back into his pushchair, Chloe came over to say goodbye. ‘Ben looks so happy today. He’s usually much more withdrawn. I’ve never seen him join in like that. It clearly makes a difference having you here. I hope we’ll see you again soon?’
Maddie smiled, feeling pride bubble through her, as Chloe waved and backed out of the door, riding the tidal wave of pushchairs.
Maddie didn’t want to take Ben home just yet. She was having too much fun. If Jade really did have friends over, she wouldn’t notice if they didn’t come straight home. Instead of heading back the way they came, Maddie steered the pushchair in the opposite direction. She reached into her bag and turned her phone off as they walked along the street and she chattered away to him.
‘I know,’ she said as they walked. ‘Let’s go to the library. I used to love the library when I was little.’
Maddie loved everything about libraries. The smell, the hushed atmosphere, the subtle buzz of activity. She peered around her at the rows and rows of shelves, the books lined up like soldiers, every one a different adventure with a million secrets ready to be discovered.
Ben seemed just as taken with the reverence of the place. He took it all in with wide eyes. Maddie suspected he’d never been in a library before. She left the pushchair at the side of the room and walked over to where a pile of children’s picture books were laid out on a low table.
‘Ok, let’s see what we have here.’ Maddie picked up a book called The Dinosaur that Pooped Christmas and showed the cover to Ben, who giggled at the dinosaur on the cover. ‘Shall we read this one?’
Ben nodded enthusiastically and Maddie lowered herself onto a large green beanbag. Ben curled up in her lap once more. Maddie made the story come alive with different voices for the characters and when it was over, Ben jumped up to pick another book.
Three stories later and Ben was snuggling into Maddie, his eyes heavy as he yawned. Maddie felt her heart drop. She knew she had to take him back home – she’d already been out much longer than intended – but she didn’t want this to end.
This was what she imagined it would be like. This was what being a mother meant – hugs and stories and crayon drawings. Jade was very lucky.
She wanted to spirit him away, pack everything into his pushchair and just keep walking. It reminded her of how she was feeling that day with Mia in the park – a sense of outrage that this little creature could be so much happier with her, that she could offer them so much more.
*
Jade took a shaky breath. Maddie and Ben had been gone for hours. She was starting to wonder if letting Maddie take him on her own had been a good idea after all.
At first it had been just a little niggle at the back of her brain, but as time ticked on and Maddie’s phone kept going to voicemail, Jade had to admit she felt the first prickling of unease.
The image of the woman in the park came back to Jade then – her shaking finger and quivering voice.
You need to keep an eye on your son when she’s around.
How could she have been so stupid? Just letting a relative stranger walk out of the door with him?
She’d been so focused on Stacey and Becca coming over to do her hair and nails before her date with Deon that she’d just wanted Ben and Maddie out of the way before the girls arrived.
Where the hell were they?
*
Reluctantly Maddie strapped Ben back in his pushchair, then on a whim, knelt down and told him to smile as she took a selfie on her phone. She knew she had been gone way too long, but her feet were struggling to find the way back home.
She took as slow a walk as she could, letting daydreams of another life flood her brain in which she lived near the sea with Ben, just the two of them, running on the beach, exploring rock pools, and eating fish and chips from the newspaper.
She felt like her heart was fracturing when she finally reached the entrance to the flats. She struggled up the stairs with the pushchair, trying not to wake Ben who had drifted off to sleep. She knocked on Jade’s door.
Jade flung it open, looking annoyed and worried. ‘I’ve been trying to phone you,’ she said. ‘I wondered where you two had got to.’
‘Oh, sorry, my phone must be flat. I took him to the library after the music class and I didn’t notice the time.’
‘Ok, well, next time make sure your phone is charged.’ Her voice was sharp-edged.
‘Yes, sorry. We had a great time reading books and stuff though. I really enjoyed myself. Thank you for letting me do that.’
‘God, you’re so weird. I’d have been bored to death.’
‘Not at all! I’d love to do it again.’ She paused. ‘Your hair looks nice.’ It sounded accusatory. She shoved the pushchair through the doorway just as Ben started to stir. ‘We’re home,’ Maddie said gently, running a hand over his head.
‘Oh, yeah thanks, just trying something new while I had the time. Took a pair of scissors to it and the hairdryer. A bit of me-time, you know.’ It looked like she’d done more than that. Her nails looked freshly manicured too.
Ben opened his eyes and his bottom lip started to quiver as he looked around him. ‘He’s probably still quite tired, sorry. Here, Archie drew you a picture,’ Maddie said. She pulled the drawing from her bag and handed it to Jade.
‘Archie? Who’s Archie?’
Maddie paled. ‘Sorry?’ she replied.
‘You said Archie.’
‘Did I? Silly me.’ She hugged her arms to herself and looked away.
Jade frowned, then looked at the picture, twisting it this way and that. ‘What the hell is it supposed to be?’
‘That’s the sky,’ Maddie said, pointing, ‘and that’s the sun, and that’s you and Ben holding hands.’
Ben sat still, rubbing at his eyes and said, ‘Mummy.’
‘Yes, Ben, that’s Mummy, isn’t it?’ Maddie responded.
‘He’s not going to be an artist when he’s older, is he?’
‘I think it’s sweet.’