Louisa. Before I came to Oxford, I was plain old Louise. I pull a face. ‘You know I’ve never skied?’
He bounces out of bed. ‘Doesn’t matter! That’s fine! Skiing holidays aren’t really about the skiing anyway – there’s the views, the fondues, the vin chaud, all the drinking …’ He wiggles his hips and I laugh. ‘And all the sex, of course.’ He dives back on the bed and nuzzles his head against me again, as if he is a puppy. ‘But if you can bear to get out of bed while we’re there – which, granted, will be difficult with me in it – I’ll teach you to ski too, if you like. Please come! It’ll be so much fun.’
I stroke his hair. ‘OK,’ I say, ‘I’ll come.’ Instantly I start wondering how I’m going to afford it, but I push the thought away as Will starts to kiss me again.
I don’t know the first thing about skiing, beyond watching Ski Sunday now and again, but the chalet isn’t at all what I was expecting. It’s nice enough, but it’s more like a cross between a basic hotel and a university hall of residence than the luxurious mountainside cabin full of fur throws and blond wood I had imagined. When Will told me how much the trip was going to cost I panicked – there was no way I could find that amount of money with my various credit cards almost totally maxed out. I didn’t tell him I couldn’t afford it – I never tell anyone at uni I can’t afford things. But I think he might have guessed. When he caught wind of the fact that I might not be planning to come along after all, he offered to pay for the trip as a Christmas present.
‘I won’t enjoy it if you’re not there,’ he said. ‘In fact I probably wouldn’t even bother going without you – just to pay for the privilege of being ignored by my brother and his girlfriend. So it’s as much a present to me as it is to you. You’d be doing me a favour by coming along.’
I didn’t know if that was true, but it was a very sweet thing to say. Sometimes I think Will really does love me.
When Will said we would be staying in a chalet, I thought it would be just us, Will’s brother, and his girlfriend in a little wooden house with someone to cook us our meals, but it’s not like that at all. There are about sixty guests, easily, and the rooms are simple doubles with tiny en-suite bathrooms, not that different to the ones in the more modern colleges. Downstairs, there’s a lounge with a fireplace and some wooden skis stuck on the wall, and a plain, fairly functional dining room.
Tonight is our first night here. I haven’t met Adam’s girlfriend Nell before, but she seems to be like Will and Adam: someone who is at ease with skiing holidays and knowing the correct words for everything. Unlike me, she doesn’t have to pretend to be something she’s not. Although our hotel is far from luxurious, I still feel out of my depth; a fraud. The three of them are talking about the last time they skied in this resort and I am tuning out because I have nothing to contribute. I stroke the back of Will’s head, tracing my finger gently along the edge of his ear in the way I know he likes, trying to bring his attention back to me.
It works.
‘Louisa has never skied before,’ Will says. ‘I’m looking forward to teaching her.’
‘Gosh, your first time?’ Nell says patronizingly. ‘How marvellous! I barely remember my first time on skis – I was only three or so. According to family legend, I cried my eyes out.’
‘Let’s hope it’s not that way for Louisa,’ Adam says, giving me a wink.
Will squeezes my hand. ‘It won’t be. I’m sure she’ll be a natural. And I’ll be there to look after her anyway.’
All of my ski kit is borrowed. I have one friend from home who has been skiing – something to do with being spotted as having potential when she was a child on a dry ski slope and given an EU grant – and she’s lent me some things to wear. Even when I was packing I found the amount of stuff bewildering. Why do you need both inner and outer gloves? Why so many layers? Do I really need to wear those things that look like long johns? Why do these padded trousers (salopettes?) have to be quite so padded – aren’t I going to look enormous? What is this circular scarf thing? Should I wear a hat or an ear band – isn’t that a bit seventies? Goggles and sunglasses – why do I need both? How will I know which to wear and when? I tried it all on at home and looked like I was the size of a house. Then I stripped it all off again as quickly as I could because I was absolutely sweltering. And that’s before you even get to the boots, skis, and poles which had to be hired once we got here at seemingly huge expense (I can’t let Will pay for everything, so I’ve got another new credit card especially). I find the ski hire shop utterly bewildering but let myself get swept along as Adam and Will argue about what length of ski I should have and how tight my bindings should be, whatever that means.
So because there is so much gear, it takes ages to get ready in the morning. Breakfast is at eight (why? Aren’t we meant to be on holiday?) and served by cheerful young staff in logoed T-shirts – bread, croissants, jam, Nutella, weird butter without salt, cereal in giant plastic containers, rubbery boiled eggs, and more. I hardly eat anything, I am so nervous.
Nell manages to look like a minor royal on their annual ski holiday. Her salopettes are sleeker and way less puffy than mine, and she’s carrying a slick black jacket with a gold belt, which makes my colourful geometric-patterned jacket manage to seem both dowdy and gaudy at the same time, as well as even more dated than it actually is.
‘Louisa! Look at you!’ she says. ‘How darling in your retro look!’ I smile tightly as she leans down to kiss Will then me on the cheek. My gear is not retro, it’s just old, and I’m pretty sure Nell knows that.
‘Adam not up yet?’ Will asks.
Nell stirs honey and granola into plain yoghurt. ‘Yes, he’s up. He’ll be down in a minute. Then we’re going to head out, make the most of the beautiful weather. It’s supposed to close in in a couple of days.’
I look out the window where the sky is a dazzling blue. The dining room is stifling and I am too hot. I wonder if I’ve put too many layers on, but I don’t want to ask because Nell is bound to make me feel stupid. It’s boiling and stuffy in here and it’s hard to believe it’s that cold out there with the sun shining like that.
Will squeezes my hand. ‘OK? You ready for the off?’
I nod. ‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’
We pass Adam coming in as we are leaving the dining room. ‘You sure you don’t want to get Louisa here an instructor for the morning?’ he asks. ‘It’s pretty difficult teaching a total beginner.’
I see Will’s face darken. ‘It’ll be fine. I want to teach my girlfriend how to ski.’
Adam claps Will on the shoulder. ‘Yeah, right. More like you don’t want her spending the day with some fit French Jean-Louis and his perfect buns.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ Will snaps.
Adam pulls a mock-surprised face. ‘Ooohhh! I was only joking, for fuck’s sake. Now, off you go and have a good time. And you, Louisa, be careful. Make sure Will looks after you properly.’
‘I will!’ I say, beaming, trying to lighten the mood. Adam can be annoying, but I think Will is over-reacting this time.