“Are you having regrets?” I’m able to ask because I’m facing away from him as he rinses my back. I don’t know that I’d have the courage to ask the same question if I could see the reaction on his face.
Being physically attracted to someone is not the same as being emotionally attached, and those stupid voices in my head start again.
“We haven’t used protection.”
A shiver runs down my spine. “I know. I’m clean, surprisingly. The doctors ran a full panel while I was in the hospital.”
The memories of what was done to me were enough, and it was a small blessing that I didn’t contract an STD.
“I know,” he says as he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his chest to my back. “I’m clean too, but—”
“You’re afraid I’ll get pregnant?” I swallow thickly and stare at a clump of bubbles as it slowly makes its way down the shower wall.
“Afraid isn’t the right word.” He presses his lips to my shoulder, pausing for a few long seconds before continuing, “I think it makes me a caveman, but the idea of knocking you up makes me want to fuck my cum into you every day until the double lines show up on the test.”
I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. How did he ever keep all of this shit bottled up inside? It’s like some switch was flipped last night, and he went from the perfect gentleman to filthy, and if I’m being honest, completely enticing.
“You want babies?”
“I want babies,” he confirms.
“With me?”
“Only you,” he says before nipping at my ear.
I turn in his arms and cup his cheek. Sincerity is clear in his beautiful eyes, and I’m thankful for the water cascading down around us because it masks the tears that begin to seep from my eyes. He must see the emotion clouding my eyes because his face falls.
“Please don’t break my heart right now,” he begs. He tries to take a step back, but I cling to him. “I said too much too soon. I knew I was going to ruin things. Can we just forget I said it?”
I shake my head before pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.
“You can’t take it back, but I can’t give you babies right now.”
He nods, his strong jaw flexing with the news.
“It’ll be another six weeks before my birth control shot wears off.”
His eyes widen as if he’s having trouble understanding what I’m telling him, but he’s a smart man, and it doesn’t take long for him to work it through in his head.
“Birth control?”
“I asked the doctors for it before I left the hospital. I was terrified I’d be taken again, and I wouldn’t survive a pregnancy from one of those—”
He presses his lips to mine, and I squeal, half in joy and half in terror that he’s going to drop me when he lifts me up in his arms.
It feels like everything is happening at breakneck speeds, but I think this is perfect for us. We’re not going to look back. We’re going to plan our future together.
Chapter 35
Scooter
It’s been a week, seven blissful days spent in Mia’s arms, and it’s possible I’m the happiest man in the world.
It hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. There has been a day or two where she’s a little more withdrawn, but we spent that time quietly in each other’s arms, holding each other until the shadows left her eyes and the clouds cleared.
Today she woke up energized and ready to take on the world. I find myself in the living room chatting with Max, watching her in the kitchen with Emmalyn, Khloe, Misty, Jasmine, and Makayla as they throw together a feast for the guys who are scheduled to return any minute.
Her radiant smile fills the air around her, and the other women grin as well, happy that she’s come out of her shell a little more each day. They chatter about food and recipes they’ve tried as they bustle around the large kitchen, and I can’t help but picture her in our own kitchen in the house we spoke about building after she confessed that she wanted to build a life and have a family with me.
It’s almost the middle of February, mere days from Valentine’s Day, and I’m wondering if a diamond ring isn’t in her near future. I’d slide a rock on her hand and make her mine all in the same day if things were up to me, but I do my best to keep those thoughts to myself. I don’t want to rush things. I don’t want her to agree to spend the rest of her life with me one day and then let the shadows creep in the next, making her change her mind. I’ve had patience thus far, and I’ll maintain it until she’s ready.
The rumble of multiple SUVs marks the return of the Cerberus men, and I head outside to help them with luggage and greet the guys. They’re not somber the way we were when we returned from Venezuela. They all have smiles on their faces as they climb out, already talking about the party they want to have later tonight. They need to burn off steam, rid themselves of the residual adrenaline from the job, and I smile, knowing I used to be the same way.
Only currently, I have no steam. Mia woke me this morning with her mouth on my dick. It was the first time her face ventured past my navel, and I won’t even embarrass myself by thinking just how fast I exploded from her attention. I returned the favor, not really needing an excuse to put my mouth on her, and that only led to another erection. We haven’t used condoms yet, and it’s not only because she’s on the shot. A long discussion was had after our confessions in the shower. She wants to start a family, and even though it’s something I plan to ask Dr. Alverez at our next appointment, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want that exact same thing.
My only concern is that Mia is trying to replace her pain and abuse with the unyielding love of a child. She has to know that I care for her, even though I haven’t confessed those three little words yet.
“Hey, man.” Grinch walks up, shakes my hand and slaps me good-heartedly on the back. “How’s the vacation going?”
I smile wide as he watches me. I figure he expects me to complain about missing out on the mission, and I do hate that I left them a man down, but I don’t have an ounce of regret for the way things turned out. Heading back out and leaving Mia for any length of time will be hell, but I think my head is in the right place. I’m no longer afraid I’m going to lose her, or that I’m going to return to find her gone.
“It’s been good, man,” I tell him and slap his back in return.
“I can tell by the look on your face that Mia didn’t stay gone very long. Is she doing better?”
“She’s great, Grinch. Getting better every day.”
“We missed you out there this time around,” Jinx says as he walks closer. “You gonna make it out the next time around?”
I shrug. I only have a week left of my suspension, but with any luck, I’ll be cleared to return to duty. If not, it isn’t the end of the world. So long as I have Mia by my side, I could take just about any job and be happy. I’m not saying I want to leave the guys behind, but the loss of Cerberus wouldn’t be the end of my world. How could it be when I have the most amazing woman to hold every night?
“Hopefully, man.” He claps me on the back as he walks past.