“He’s been asking for you. I said I’d bring you back to him.” I took one final look in the mirror, drew back my shoulders and followed Margot to the room where Will was chatting with one of the camera guys. “Here she is.”
I waved vaguely in his direction but couldn’t quite bring myself to give him eye-contact.
“You OK?” he asked.
“Yep. Fine.”
Don’t talk about it. The ass grinding. The moaning. Avoid the conversation and move on.
He nodded and took a sip of water. He’d rolled his shirt sleeves to his elbows revealing the arrow tattoo on his forearm and when I dared to glance at his face, he had a similar blush to my own. He cleared his throat and looked anywhere but at me.
“I got a bit flustered,” he said, rubbing his fingers across his forehead. “Must have been what we were…watching.” I mumbled something in return about them being a hot couple, the scene sexy and rich. “So, did you get everything you needed?” he asked. “Now’s the time to ask more questions if you…have any…that is.”
No. Not at all.
Not in the slightest.
I ache for you.
I need you more than ever.
“I think I’m good,” I said nonchalantly, picking up my bag from the sofa.
This was too much. I could still feel the tremor along my thighs, a shake, a flutter. I couldn’t look at him because the spell would be cast again and I’d feel the urge to risk it all, risk us and the friendship I needed so much.
Margot looked from Will to me and raised her eyebrows. I held my breath waiting for more words to seal our fate or plump up the awkward vibes. “Anyway, here’s a couple of films I did recently, which will be helpful. The focus is celebrating sexuality and diversity. There’s a same-sex couple and a guy who lost his lower leg through a car accident. It really shows how he’s redefined his sexuality and embraced the changes it’s brought to him.” Will looked confused and Margot leant in. “He absolutely loves reverse cowgirl.”
“Who doesn’t?” Will mumbled.
“Thanks so much,” I replied taking a deep breath. I wanted to move this conversation along. Leave it standing until the memory faded away and we could return to banter and friendship. “That’s so generous of you. Everything’s been really…generous.”
“Well, if you need anything else just give me a shout.”
I looked around at the cameras and lighting and wondered how the hell we were going to recreate this with little money and equipment that would only consist of Will’s camera and my mobile phone.
“Can I be bold as fuck?” I said.
“Why change the habit of a lifetime?” Will threw in.
“If we find the actors, write the script, set it all up, could we use your studio to film it?”
Margot sighed as she folded her arms. “You really are bold as fuck.”
“I don’t expect any further help. We’ll plan everything, get it all together. We just can’t possibly recreate this in my flat.”
Margot smiled. “I want to see the script first.”
“Absolutely.”
“If I think it’s good, you can have the space, the cameras, the lighting, but everything else is down to you.”
“Great!” I shrieked, clapping my hands together.
“But there’s another condition.” She looked at Will as he took another drink of water. “I want a date. I’ll throw in a make-up artist and access to our wardrobe.” He choked on his water and started apologising profusely. She laughed like he was the most adorable man in the world.
He is. Back off.
“Will? What do you say?” I turned away, unable to witness the car crash.
I folded my arms and didn’t protest, closing my eyes as he tried to order his sentences and losing my breath when I thought I heard him say “Yes” I pushed the book and films into my bag. I said, “Thanks again, Margot. Tonight was…great,” and walked away without a second look. I heard them talking behind me, their voices getting smaller the further away I escaped.
Quick.
Get away.
Cover your ears to drown them out faster.
As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard his footsteps behind me. I didn’t wait, shutting the doors on him, striding across the road as I tried to rebuild my walls and keep him out again.
“Wait up,” he shouted.
“Got to go, Will.”
His footsteps quickened until he was walking beside me. “What’s wrong?”
I wanted to scream, What’s wrong? You just agreed to go on a date after we dry humped on the floor of a porn set, but instead, I said, “Nothing. I’m just cold and tired. It’s–” I looked at my watch. “Christ, 4 a.m.”
“Are you having second thoughts about this?” he asked. “Has tonight put you off?”
I stopped, a fire still burning, but it wasn’t desire I was feeling now. It was anger and hurt. “Yes,” I replied like a moody teenager. “I’m having second thoughts.”
I watched his throat bob. “Why?”
I crossed my arms, looked away from him. “I know you need all the help with women you can get, but don’t use my porn film as a way of getting a date.”
“Is that right?” he replied.
“I needed you to be professional.”
“Professional?”
I sighed deeply. “This isn’t going to work if you’re going to get cock throb, Will.”
“What are you talking about?”
“In there,” I replied, pointing at the building we’d just left. “You were like a dog in heat!”
“Me?” he shouted, his voice rising into the air. “What about…you?”
“What about me?” I squared up to him, face to face, breath to breath.
He softened and I felt caution in his tone. “Are you telling me you weren’t turned on by that, because it kind of felt like you were, Skye.”
“Charlie’s cock was distracting,” I shot back. “I was hugely turned on by him, I’ll admit.”
“No,” he replied quickly. “I wasn’t talking about that.”
“I shouldn’t have brought you,” I said as I continued to walk. “I should do this by myself.”
“Hold on,” he said. “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have a cameraman.”
“I can find someone else. Someone who won’t lose their load when a woman rubs ice on her tit.”
“Cut the crap, Skye!” he shouted. “Without me you wouldn’t have the wardrobe, the space to film or the equipment, which is pretty fucking vital for making a porn film!”
“We don’t need…clothes! They’re going to be naked!” I threw my hands up. “And just to be clear. I’d have got all that without you fawning all over Margot.” I stopped, closed my eyes. Why are you doing this? I couldn’t help myself. We’d fallen into our familiar roles because it was easier that way. Safe. Maddening.
“I’ll ignore that,” he replied quietly. “Because we both know that wasn’t the case.”
“Whatever, Will.”