“Jesus, why do I agree to do these things with you?” he said as I stuck my hand out to stop the London bus, vivid red against the dark sky. I purposefully sat at the back while Will sat at the front, and for the rest of the journey we didn’t speak.
He rested his head against the window, and I watched the shadows on his face through the reflection of the glass.
We reached his flat, still quiet.
He took out his keys and unlocked the door.
Switching the lights on in the living room, he started pulling out the sofa bed.
“I can’t believe we haven’t spoken to each other for the last twenty minutes,” he said, fluffing up the pillows that had been trapped underneath. “How childish are you?” I laughed quietly at that. He was the one stomping around.
“Why are you mad at me?” I replied. “You got a date out of tonight, didn’t you?”
“Fucking hell,” he muttered to himself. “Yeah, great. Can’t wait.”
“What?” I laughed. “She seemed like she’d be up for role play,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll find some rubber in her wardrobe to satisfy your kink.”
He stomped through to the kitchen.
“Here.” He threw me a bottle of water from the fridge, which I caught with skill. One hand. Not an ounce of nerves showing through. A bloody miracle. “Can I go to bed now? Cause you’re infuriating.”
“Please do.”
“Before that, can I say that I’m pissed you didn’t bring me a sandwich to get through tonight, or at least a muffin with that chocolate gunk in the middle.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t think of your stomach, William. I had other things on my mind.”
“You always bring me treats to bribe me into doing something. After tonight, I’m expecting a three-tiered fudge cake with very complicated sugar work.” I gave him the finger. “To be fair, it wasn’t a place for food. There would have been all sorts of hygiene issues.” He smiled before leaning against the sink. “Are you really going ahead with this?” he asked. “A fucking porn film?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I protested as I ran my hands over the pillows. “Sounds like you’re the one having second thoughts.”
“Strangely enough, I don’t really want to add camera guy on a porn film to my CV.”
“You’re so boring.” I pretended to yawn dramatically. “Why don’t you live a little? Your idea of excitement is finding a first edition of a bloody Batman comic.”
“Hey! That was the best day of my life.” I tried to stop myself from laughing as Will’s flatmate, Gav came into the room. His hair was sticking up and he was rubbing his eyes as he glared at us both. “Sorry, mate. Did we wake you?”
“Your voices are quite loud,” Gav replied sleepily. “What the fuck is going on?”
“We’re arguing about Will’s inability to live a little,” I said, sticking out my tongue as Will left the kitchen, patted Gav on the back and steered him back towards his bedroom.
“I say that to him all the time.”
“Let’s all go to bed, shall we?” Will said.
“You sharing tonight?” Gav shouted from his bedroom. “Made up for you, mate. How long have you been waiting to–”
“Woah, woah, woah! Someone’s sleep walking!” Will replied quickly. “Tomorrow is a new day and all that.”
“What is he talking about?” I asked.
“Ignore him,” he replied. “Goodnight, Skye, hopefully you’ll wake up in a better mood.”
“Me?” I laughed.
He bent down and for a minute I thought he was going to kiss me. He eyes were on my lips, his hand raised and moving closer to my neck. He sighed, pulled back before returning, and left a quick kiss on the top of my head. It felt strained and awkward like a pat on the head or a handshake after an awkward one-night stand.
“What did Gav mean?” I asked again.
“He thinks we have a weird thing going on.”
“Do we?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “What do you think?” I shook my head and looked to the floor. “We both know there was some…sexual energy tonight.”
“We were on a porn set,” I replied.
“That’s all it was, then? Circumstances.”
“Why don’t you ask Margot?” Ouch. I couldn’t help it. Sexual energy or not, he’d just scored himself a date.
“Right.” He nodded softly, smoothing his hand down his t-shirt. “I’ll do that.”
I looked away, couldn’t keep up with the twists and turns this night had taken us on. I wanted to hurt him but knew I had no right. We were friends and I wanted to keep it that way.
“Night, weirdo,” I said, in an attempt to bring us back to where we were comfortable.
“I don’t know how you dare,” he replied, laughing lightly, but it was frustration wrapped in a sound. I’d heard it before. The vocal equivalent of taking one step forward and two steps back. “Night.”
I watched as he walked away and wondered how I would ever get to sleep without replaying the entire evening in my mind. Had I imagined those stolen glances, the heavy breathing, the magical thrusts? Was it a reaction to his arousal from the porn scene? My body in the right place at the right time? Or a show for Margot?
I settled back onto the sofa bed and a picture frame on his fireplace caught my eye. It was of the two of us, laughing together looking happy and natural. It was taken on holiday last year. The three of us went to Ibiza and our tans, smiles, and sunglasses reminded me of how hot it had been. But there was someone missing from the picture. Stacey’s arm was peeking out, but her face had been cut out of the photo. Her red hair just visible, a reminder that Will and I hadn’t been alone. I threw myself back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. I was sick of this. Sick of the backwards and forwards, the constant questioning of what those small glances and touches really meant. Hidden meanings or just two friends who would do anything for each other?
I couldn’t sleep.
Didn’t have a hope of rest.
I was twisted.
I was sick.
Because I was going to spend the night questioning why Will hadn’t cut me off at the shoulder too.
8
Skye
I managed approximately twenty-eight minutes of sleep. I woke up to a noise, a squeak of a bedspring, wondering if Will’s libido had got the better of him and he had taken his cock in hand to pound it to the memory of my uninhibited grinding and his poetic thrusts. The photo of Stacey’s shoulder and us lay beside me on the bed and I’d spent too much time looking at our faces, the adoration we showed each other, me with my wrinkled nose and open eyes and him with his wide smile and tipped-back head. To the untrained eye, we were lovers right bang in the middle of falling. Heady with lust and excitement of what could be and what was to come. A trick of the brain, possibly? Was I conjuring up stories I wanted to be true only to downplay them as the morning light started to trickle through the blinds at the window? I pushed up, resting on my elbows. Gav and Will would need to leave for work soon and I’d make my excuses and go back to Brighton. We’d never talk about this night or those little thrusts again and when I wanted to drive myself mad, I’d think about the photo and picture us laughing like familiar lovers instead of platonic friends.