“I wasn’t your dream daughter, huh?” Dyma asked.
“Nope,” Jennifer said. “You were better. Well, once I got over the shock of the ‘furious’ part of your equation. You sang and you danced and you talked like crazy, and you learned how to add and subtract when you were four years old. I didn’t have to imagine you anymore, because let me tell you, you were right there. I did imagine my future great romance with a guy who’d fall in love with both of us, though, preferably while I was still in high school, which would instantly elevate my social status. He was going to raise you as his own, while I went to … law school, or something. I was always a little fuzzy on that part. But you know what? It worked out anyway. Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans, and I’ve had a great life. It’s not over yet, either.”
“And meanwhile, Grandma reported him, and he was arrested,” Dyma said, refusing to get sidetracked. “That part, I know about, because that part, I heard. All about it. How you wrecked his life.”
Jennifer abandoned all hope of getting out of here with her dignity intact. She wasn’t looking at Harlan. He’d think what he thought. Nothing she could do about that. One advantage of not having all those romantic notions anymore was that hopefully you learned to live in the moment just a little, and this was the moment she was in. She said, “Yep. She did. It’s hard to fight that statutory rape charge when there’s a baby and a DNA test. A whole lot of people, though, said I ruined his life, you’re exactly right about that. He’d rushed the school all the way to the state football championship the year before, and all of a sudden, because some stupid, slutty fifteen-year-old had willingly had unprotected sex with him, he was going to jail as a sex offender, and it was going to mark him forever. They said a lot of things. It wasn’t any fun at all, and I felt pretty ashamed for a long time, but the bottom line is that he was the one who was supposed to know better. I’m not saying his life wasn’t ruined, but I didn’t pull him into that car. He ruined his life.”
“Plus,” Dyma said, “he ruined your life. You were the one being humiliated, who couldn’t even finish college. Why didn’t people care about that?”
Jennifer was still trying not to care that Harlan and Owen were listening to all this, but she couldn’t help but notice how serious and still Owen looked, and how furious Harlan did. She hadn’t known he could look like that. She’d started out this conversation feeling embarrassed, but now, she was suddenly overwhelmed by giddiness, the feeling you got when you did … well, some reckless act. She couldn’t think what, because she didn’t do reckless acts.
Maybe she was giddy, though, because there really was nothing left to lose here. It was over. She’d had that baby, and she’d raised her. It was all a long time ago, and it didn’t have to be the thing that defined her forever. It had been that for too long. Dyma was going to college, and she was thirty-four years old and maybe leaving town herself. Time to leave the shame behind, or at least start trying.
“Nope,” she told Dyma. “He didn’t ruin my life. You know why not? Because of Grandma. The guidance counselor told her to send me to the alternative school, where they had programs for ‘girls in this position.’ I know, because I was there. Grandma said it was my life and my decision, so I should be there. I was almost six months pregnant, and there was no hiding anything anymore. Everybody knew. My best friend Nicole was still my friend, but let me tell you, not very many other people were, and the counselor pointed out my ‘embarrassment.’ You know what Grandma did? She shot right back with, ‘Why should she go anywhere? So she’s pregnant. There’s nothing wrong with her brain, and she’s staying right here. She’s smart as a whip, she gets good grades, and she doesn’t belong over there. She’s graduating from this school, and then she’s going to college, and you can all just figure out how to help her. That’s your job, right? So get busy and figure out how to do it.’”
“Grandma was a badass,” Dyma said.
“Grandma,” Jennifer said, “was a redhead. Anyway, the joke’s on all of them, really, because Danny went to prison, and I got you, which was a much better deal. And a great job with Blake, and a new job coming up that, who knows? Might be even better. Also, don’t tell me the Tao has nothing to see about this. Don’t let me down.”
“Care about what other people think,” Dyma said, “and you will always be their prisoner.” She still looked troubled, though. Too much to learn at once, maybe. Too much growing up for one day.
Jennifer might know how she felt.
“There you go,” she said. “See?” She smiled at her daughter, and Dyma unbuckled her seat belt, came over, and gave her a hug.
“I’m doing a display of affection,” she said, “because really, Mom, that’s pretty awesome. And I’ve known for a long time, even though I didn’t figure it all out until middle school. It’s probably why I listened to you about sex, too, so there you go. Unintended consequences, but in a good way, right?” She looked over at Owen, waved, and said, “Virgin here. Are you impressed?”
“Not by that,” he said, not missing a beat. “Or not exactly. I’m always impressed when people make their own choices and the choices aren’t actually stupid. Or when they’re brave. That’s impressive, too. I’ve got another Tao quote. ‘Your own positive future begins in this moment. All you have is right now. Every goal is possible from here.’”
“They always sound so easy,” Jennifer said. “So reasonable. So inspirational. Am I the only one who isn’t inspired by inspirational? I always think, ‘Easy for you to say, buddy.’”
Harlan said, “You and me both. If the Tao’s got something about gutting it out, though, I might listen to that. That tends to be more the way it works, from what I’ve seen. Like when people tell some guy playing wheelchair basketball that he’s inspirational for finding something he can do. What was he supposed to do, give up and lie in bed? You can only feel sorry for yourself so long. After that, you walk on. You figure there’s got to be something better up ahead, because it sure can’t be worse than this, and you walk on. At least, that’s how I do it.”
“Nobody’s putting that in a meme, bro,” Owen said. “Or the Tao.”
“Maybe not,” Harlan said, “but it works for me.”
17
Excess of Bratwurst
The pilot’s voice came over the intercom, telling them they were landing. Dyma went back to her seat, and Harlan saw Jennifer watching her, clearly restraining herself from telling her to buckle her seatbelt, and also clearly relaxing when Dyma did it without the reminder.
How would it feel to be that responsible for somebody? He couldn’t imagine. He really couldn’t imagine taking it on at fifteen. Grandfather and mother helping out or not, she’d been the mother of that baby, and she’d been the one going into that school every day, too.
There’d have been a trial, too, probably. Guys like that, in his experience, didn’t plead guilty, because they didn’t feel guilty. He’d have been sure he’d get off, because he hadn’t done anything any other guy wouldn’t have done, not with the way she’d asked for it. There’d have been nobody else in the witness box with Jennifer then, either. Did they close the courtroom for an underage victim, or had a roomful of accusing eyes, including the asshole’s, stared at her while she’d told that humiliating story? Had she had to listen to his justifications, too? He was willing to bet that everybody in town had found out the details pretty quickly, closed courtroom or not.