I won’t look at all like a sexy warrior princess when I go back and get Will. Whatever, idiot, it doesn’t matter what you look like. Just save his life already!
It takes me about ten minutes and a whole lot of tugging, yanking, and grunting to finish the stretcher, but when it’s ready, I stare at it for a second and smile at my ingenuity. I zipped up my sleeping bag, cut a hole through the bottom corners with my Swiss Army knife, then slid the poles through on each side. Then I cut another bamboo shoot and made the connector thingies Will showed me and used the vines to secure them. Pretty decent overhand knots, if I do say so myself.
Forget about that, Arabella. Pick it up and run! Run to your man!
Fast Forward to Now…
I smile down at Will for a second, then snap into action. “Change of plans. I found a road nearby that I’m hoping will take us to Mbambole, but if not, it’ll take us somewhere with humans, right?”
He nods. “Theoretically, but how are you—”
“—I’ve got that covered. I made a stretcher for you, and I figured out how to get you out of there.”
I grab hold of a vine growing out of the ground at the top of the ravine, wrap it around a thick tree trunk nearby, and guide it down near Will. “I’m coming down.”
Steadying my shaking hands, I start my descent, keeping my breath even and whispering encouraging thoughts to myself. “You can do this. You’re brave. You’re strong. You’re Belle.”
When I reach the bottom, I scramble over the rocks to get to Will. “Please don’t mind my mudface. I had a run-in with a very dirty tree.”
He grins at me, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen anyone look so beautiful.”
I take his cheeks in my hands, unable to stop myself from touching him. Will sits up a bit, and leans in for a kiss, but I say, “That’ll have to wait. I have serious puke breath.”
“Righto, I forgot.”
“So, we’re going to use the Bear Grylls backpack as a makeshift harness,” I say, taking the bag and wrapping the end of the vine around the straps. I quickly tie it on while Will watches. “This vine is wrapped around a very strong-looking ironwood tree that we can use as leverage. As long as the straps don’t break, and you let me help you, you should be able to pull yourself up using your arms and one leg.”
I stop what I’m doing, and we look into each other’s eyes. A feeling of elation comes over me. “I’m going to save your life, Will Banks.”
“Yes, you are, Belle.”
Okay, so, that was not pretty. Getting him out of that ravine involved a lot of my cheek pressed against his ‘other’ cheeks, while I pushed him up and he pulled. His foot dangled the entire time in a way that caused a good deal of gagging from yours truly. Yes, I grunted and gagged and pushed while he used his muscly muscles to climb to the top. Then he tossed the vine down and I zipped up. And I have to say, I probably looked like a real adventure woman doing it.
“Wow,” Will says, when I stand. “You’re like Spider-Woman.”
“Damn straight,” I answer with a nod. Pulling the stretcher so it’s next to him, I pat the middle of it. “Hop on.”
He shakes his head. “As well-constructed as that is, there’s no way you can pull me to town. Just help me make a splint and some crutches.”
“I absolutely can pull you on this.” I hold up the vine I’ve attached to the front. “This goes around my forehead, wrapped in a shirt, of course. I’ll be using my head and arms to drag you. I can’t guarantee a smooth ride, but it’s definitely going to work.”
“I weigh over two hundred—”
“Nope. No more talking. Get the fuck on the stretcher already.”
He opens his mouth, but I stop him with an “Ah-ah-ah!” sound and a wag of one finger. “Just shut up and let me save you. I’m in a huge rush because if I can do it fast enough, we’ll beat the clock, get our money, and you won’t die.”
“Honestly, just the last one is enough for me,” he says, dragging himself onto the stretcher.
“Well, not for this princess. I want it all,” I answer, gently lifting his right leg and placing it on top of the sleeping bag. Oh, that is a heavy leg. This is going to be tougher than I thought.
I hurry to the front of the stretcher. “I’m getting you that yacht, Mr. Banks. If it’s the last thing I do.”
ABN Nooner News with Veronica Platt
“Welcome to Nooner News. I’m Veronica Platt. Reporters from around the kingdom have made a mad dash to the airports this morning, after palace officials confirmed that King Winston is currently on his way to the village of Mbambole in Zamunda to retrieve his only daughter and fourth in line to the throne, Princess Arabella. Giles Bigly joins us live from the gate at Valcourt Airport, where he is about to board a plane. Giles, can you tell us what’s going on?”
“Yes, Veronica. About an hour ago, palace officials released a statement that Royal Air One was being prepared for an emergency flight. King Winston, as well as the entire royal medical staff, are aboard the plane and are currently en route to Mbambole.”
“Giles, any idea how Princess Arabella ended up there in the first place, or if she may indeed be gravely injured, thus requiring immediate medical attention?”
“Yes, Veronica, on a hunch, I walked over to the unscripted wing of our ABN headquarters and tracked down an executive there who did in fact confirm for me—off the record—that Princess Arabella is currently in the jungles of Western Zamunda filming a survival documentary with none other than Will Banks, host of “The Wild World.”
Veronica’s chin drops and she stares at the camera for a full two seconds before sputtering out her next comment. “So, the entire time everyone in the nation has been worried sick about her, she’s been off gallivanting in the jungle with Will Banks?”
“It would appear so, yes.” Giles turns from the camera as a boarding announcement comes over the speaker. “I’m afraid I have to go, Veronica. That’s the last call for boarding.”
“All right, Giles. Godspeed,” Veronica says with a serious look.
“Um, thanks.”
30
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
Will
I love this woman. I love her. Puke breath, sweat, and all. She’s fucking amazing. She’s been dragging me along this bumpy dirt road all day, huffing and puffing, and at times swearing like a sailor, but never giving up. She’s like this crazy-strong, determined woman who could do anything. The sun is high in the sky now and it’s so hot, she must be roasting with all the exertion, but she just keeps going.
A while ago, we came to a hill, and she hopped on the stretcher with me and used it as a sled, steering us all the way to the bottom. It was actually incredibly painful, what with all the bouncing and jiggling, but it was also kind of fun. When we got to the bottom, I asked her where she learned to do that. She gave me one nod and said, “Christmases at the castle. I wasn’t kidding about how much sledding we did.”