I let his arms scoop me into him, against his broad chest, as he whispered, “Trouble in paradise? We both know you needed a real man, my troubled girl.”
His palms slid into my back pockets pushing me into his crotch so I could feel how much I owned his libido. I had him wrapped around my finger, and my cherry red lips were only tying the knot.
“Something like that. Can you drop me off at my sister’s?”
I felt his hands squeeze the ass I did Pilates four times a week to get—another part of me I sculpted into what I wanted, instead of the second best failure I was born as.
“Let's get some breakfast first. I've missed you…” He finally let go, but I felt his hand still guide my back, as he opened the car door. When I was around him, his hands were never not on me—a new form of handcuffs, ones I was used to wearing. I didn't realize how much Hunter and I were alike until now—both under arrest and an early release for good behavior long gone.
Addi
Massachusetts
After breakfast, Mister dropped me off in front of Liz’s brownstone, minutes from Boston Commons. It was the lesser evil; my parents or a two hour cab ride back to Amherst was ideal. At least Liz wouldn't pester me for answers I didn't have or didn’t want to explore at 10 a.m. without any sleep.
All I wanted was to turn my phone off and crawl into bed. My body had been going since the afternoon I was lounging by the pool, until I realized Hunter wasn't going to ever get over Layla in his old bed. I couldn’t manage to fall asleep on the plane; I kept contemplating how I managed to screw up my life this badly.
At your own hands, crazy bitch.
I reached for the door handle to push open the door, when his hand covered mine, stopping me. “Tell me I'll see you tomorrow. I can barely get through the day without tasting you.”
My body stiffened under his hand, and for some reason, the sound of his voice pleading to see me tomorrow felt expected, no longer a question.
Mister went a few weeks without me, and suddenly everything about him seemed more greedy. He was no longer playing hard to get or protecting his family from seeing the flaw in his design.
I shook my head, trying to smooth out the concerned look on my face. “I have family dinner tomorrow. Nonnegotiable.”
“After, then… you'll be my midnight snack.”
His lips nipped at my neck, and I pulled on the door handle, squirming to get out of his grip. “I’ll text you.” I knew my words were leading him on, but everything about his desperation had me on edge. I hurried up her steps, ringing the bell erratically, hoping she'd answer so he could pull away from staring me down.
She opened the door, clearly frantic, while I heard her newborn crying in the background and her husband shouting, “Babe!” like she couldn't be MIA that long.
Must be nice, the one person missing you that you want to.
Her face screamed disappointment, looking just like our mom in this moment. They were carbon copies of each other—a shade of a dark tan, brunette hair, and small features that looked permanently pissed off. Wrenching her neck and gaze past me, she peered into the car that dropped me off. “Who's that? What are you doing here so early?”
I stepped in front of her eyeline, hoping he’d get the hint to drive away, when I heard the car pull away finally. “No one. Just a fling.”
“He's twice your age at least. What happened to Hunter?”
I pushed my way past her, dropping my suitcase at the door. I hoped because I was already inside she'd take pity on me. “Can I just crash here or not Liz? If I wanted to be interrogated, I would have gone to mom and dad's house.”
I noticed Liz was in a robe and could see Leon feeding their daughter in his arms, while shirtless. They both looked tired, unkempt, and under the pressure of being new parents. I was only adding to their burden.
“Yes, of course, Addi. I'm not gonna kick you out, and we have family dinner later anyways. You look dead. You might wanna sleep off whatever kind of night you had.”
I rolled my eyes. If you only knew the half of it…
I followed her to the kitchen, watching her help Leon with the bottle, gently touching his arm, and watching his eyes light up the same way as they did before they had a baby. No part of his love changed; it was unconditional.
I wanted that kind of love, but not with just anyone. I only had eyes for one man—one who had eyes for someone else.
Helping myself to coffee, I poured almond milk and sugar in the mug, needing the energy to make it up the stairs. I turned to Liz and asked, “What's the deal with Layla and Hunter?”
I knew Layla was one of her best friends and Hunter went to college with them both, meaning she had answers he wouldn't willingly give me.
She poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting at the island, tying her robe tighter around her waist, covering up the silk pajamas she had underneath. “I was waiting for you to ask me... they have history, a lot of it, but it's in the past. She's with Ollie now.”
Liz had a way in speaking fluent obvious. With me, it was even more fluent and annoying.
“Not when I met him. He was with her or whatever.”
“In college, Ollie and Layla kind of broke up. Everyone knew they'd end up together. In the meantime, Hunter kind of filled in.”
I sat down next to her, trying to understand how he got caught in the crossfire of their love story. “What a bitch. So, she used him to get over Ollie, then ended up with him anyways.”
Liz was neutral and trying to not take sides between two of her friends. Leon laid their newborn in the bassinet in the corner of her open kitchen, when he said, “Didn't he rape her in high school?”
My whole body felt defensive and protective when I soaked up his question. I looked at Liz with my eyelids half-mast and my mouth tight.
“Leon! Jesus. It's… complicated. They agree to disagree.”
I had enough of the history lesson. I took my mug and excused myself from any more damning information solidifying just how much of a villain he was. I didn't see him like that, and their words couldn't force me to. “I'm gonna pass out until dinner. Thanks for the crash.”
The guest room was impeccable—a clear touch of OCD and being our mother's daughter. My fingers searched for my AirPods, shoving them in my ears and picking ocean sounds to lull me asleep, just in case their newborn wanted to test her lungs and volume control. I swiped the “do not disturb” button, making sure Mister, Hunter, whoever… couldn’t bother me.
I woke up at 5 p.m., which wasn’t enough time to become parent presentable—hell, even public presentable. I didn’t let anyone see me in any way but perfect—bronzed, full face, no roots showing, and all the parts I paid for on display. I let my looks do the talking, listening, and filling the gap in my chest with fake admiration from strangers.
Yes, all because the people I wanted to love me… didn’t.
I sat up, turning my phone off “do not disturb” and went downstairs for more coffee to sip while I got ready, since the first cup did nothing to stimulate me.
That’s because you left the thing that stimulates you in Florida, bitch.
The voice in my head wasn’t ever nice, but today it was especially sassy and determined to hyperdrive the self-loathing.